To prove latest conspiracy theory, Beck cheats at Connect Four game against himself
October 29, 2009 7:11 pm ET by Jeremy Holden
In his latest effort to chart an incomprehensible conspiracy theory, Glenn Beck engaged in an old-fashioned game of Connect Four against ... Glenn Beck.
Naming Obama administration officials and dropping red and yellow game pieces into the game, Beck sought to show ... well it's unclear exactly what he sought to show, other than that people in the White House work together. And some are represented by yellow circles, while others are represented by red ones.
After several seconds of fierce competition with himself, Beck closed in on a yellow victory.
Undeterred by his apparent win, Beck continued, dropping in a game piece that apparently represented President Obama - or at least he said "and then we have Barack Obama" as he dropped a red circle into the game, declaring victory.
I guess no matter which Glenn Beck wins, the rest of us lose.
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One sip of your drink:
- If Glenn Beck plays with any sort of child’s toy, like Jenga or Mickey Mouse ears.
- One sip for every M&M he eats. What is he, still potty-training?
- If Glen Beck makes any corny, painfully unfunny jokes such as “Albania — is that where the albinos come from?” or “I think Timothy Geithner looks like one of the elves from Lord of the Rings”.
- Ultra dramatic close ups when Glenn Beck talks directly at the camera, gesticulates wildly and says things that make no sense.
- When Glenn Beck does his pre-K demonstrations involving dead fish, or pork rinds or other animal parts.
Two sips of your drink:
- If Glenn Beck talks in any of his wacky cartoon voices, which in all honesty may be the voices in his head.
- If he makes any mention of his amorphous 9-12 Project.
- If Glenn Beck introduces any new conspiracy theories, such as the FEMA camps, or the illegal nature of growing tomatoes on your patio, or having a home garden.
- If his voice breaks and his eyes get teary, without crying.
- When Beck makes ridiculous, uneducated statements such as, “PETA lovers will want the dairy cows to run free, back to the jungles where they came from”.
- If Beck plugs his own “humor” magazine and sings Springtime for Hitler.
- When Beck impersonates Barney Frank, because that’s not very christian of a christian to make fun of gay men. Weren’t all men made in god’s image?
- If Beck pretends he’s a superhero and can fly.
Consume an entire drink:
- If there is full on sobbing while talking about god, god’s country or that tampon commercial Beck just watched.
- If there is any mention of the 9 principles and 12 values.
While it’s kind of cruel to have a drinking game based on the antics of a former addict, it’s the only way I can cope with his show when I’m too lazy to change the channel.
If I’ve missed any rules, feel free to comment below.
Seriously, that sounded more like he was playing Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon than anything else. Did anyone hear a point in there?
"Warning: this idiot's stupidity is so profoundly toxic that just listening to him will destroy your brain tissue at a rate several times faster than binge drinking."
Oh! Of course! That's probably why "The Party of 'No'" is blocking Obama's appointee for surgeon general! It's a conspiracy!
Oh god... I've been contaminated by Glenbeckian irrationalism! Arrrgh!!