All of the Libertarian Magic Dust in the world couldn't pull this one off

Blog ››› ››› KARL FRISCH

I love it that readers of The Daily Caller think that Tucker Carlson -- the site's founder -- should run for president in 2012.

Responding to a reader's question, Matt Labash offers a list of reasons why he thinks Carlson would make an "excellent president" before "formally" launching the "Draft Tucker Carlson for President campaign."

Of course, Labash is kidding. Then again, isn't the entire notion of Carlson running for any office, let alone president, a joke? He pretty much cemented that one with his stint on ABC's Dancing With The Stars -- or perhaps it was with his cancellation from two of the three major cable news networks.

It would take one hell of a lot of Libertarian Magic Dust to get Carlson elected dogcatcher.

Labash writes:

...I happen to believe that Tucker would indeed make an excellent president. An American president should first and foremost be committed to a strong national defense, and Tucker owns more guns than any man I know. Since most of them are unregistered, it'll keep our enemies guessing. War-wise, Tucker believes that we should fight the terrorists in Kansas City so that we don't have to fight them in Kandahar, thus giving us a much needed home-field advantage. He believes in tax credits for smokers, who will take the burden off our Social Security and Medicare systems by dying young, and he'd support mandatory smoking in elementary school on the theory that if you can get children addicted to cigarettes by fourth grade, they'll likely contract lung cancer before they ever draw a dime of entitlement money. (Hello, budget surplus.) While a law-and-order conservative, Tucker doesn't believe in capital punishment – except for those he hates. And he hates a lot of people, so ritual executions could help revitalize Rust Belt towns where unemployed manufacturing workers could be retrained as lethal injectionists. Unlike some presidents I could mention, if elected, Tucker would have a press conference every two weeks, even if he'll only take questions from Daily Caller, Field & Stream, and Fly Rod & Reel reporters. He would also put an addition on the big tent, reaching out to historically hostile constituencies such as young, liberal women, with his campaign slogan, "As long as I have a face, you'll have a seat at the table." Lastly, he will heal old rivalries, like the one between Herbert-Hoover lovers and cat-haters, with his kitten-in-every-pot economic recovery plan.

So I hereby formally launch a Draft Tucker Carlson for President campaign. The question isn't how can we elect him? It's how can we afford not to?

Person
Tucker Carlson, Matt Labash
Show/Publication
The Daily Caller
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