Glenn Beck's D'Oh! Ex Machina

Earlier this week, Glenn Beck promised a "three-day journey" that would illustrate the "motive behind many of the actions that we're seeing today in this administration" and a war of ideas, one involving concepts that are "in direct contradiction to what our founders wished." For much of the ensuing three days, viewers were treated to a stupefying array of magnets moving around the chalkboard -- magnets with familiar names like ACORN, Bill Ayers, Van Jones, and the Tides Foundation (always the Tides Foundation). All this to prove that the Obama administration is secretly implementing the Weather Underground's plans to institute a dictatorship and turn all of America into an episode of The Simpsons.

Beck started his expose of "How the Weather Underground is Secretly Governing Society and Sitcoms" on Tuesday, waving around a copy of the Weather Underground's 1969 position paper called You Don't Need A Weatherman To Know Which Way The Wind Blows, shouting the same names he has shouted over and over and over again, and asking, "Can you remember a time, ever, where there were so many Americans, including the president, have labeled America the bad guy?"

Day 2 of Beck's consipira ... er, theory of modern governance brought a litany of doctored and distorted quotes to further prove that Obama is a Manchurian Weatherman.

Things were plugging along quite dully on Day 3, the final installment of Beck's solipsistic version of why he hated the '60s when he was 5 years old, when the D'Oh! ex machina moment arrived in the form of Homer Simpson, that notorious Weather Underground plant to upend the nuclear family and drive the kids away.

Beck kicked off his show tonight claiming that the Weather Underground manifesto just might be "the story of America." The cast of characters in tonight's episode of "who's helping Obama destroy America" included -- gasp -- the New Black Panther Party, Mao, Obama's parents, the Tides Foundation, and the people of Springfield.

In a moment of pop-culture analysis for the ages, Beck aired footage of Michelle Obama saying, "Barack knows that we are going to have to make sacrifices. We are going to have to change our conversation. We are going to have to change our traditions, our history. We're going to have to move into a different place." He then asked, "What does that mean?" before reading from the Weather Underground manifesto. Beck then said:

The most important aspect of any family is the wife-mother, and she's just a reactionary capitalist plot to destroy women's rights? What? I mean, I thought I was supposed to be the conspiracy theorist.

Beck proceeded to lay out a theory in which the Weather Underground's "line of thought" infiltrated society and upended societal norms so as to pave the way for television shows like The Simpsons, where the "dad's a schlub." This is in contrast to shows "before the 1960s" where "the dad is the smart one" and the "role of the father is strong." He punctuated his seriousness by proclaiming, "This isn't a mistake," and quoting from the Weather Underground paper yet again before concluding, "Do you see? The breakdown is not a cause of the rise of this crazy ideology. It is the result of this."

Something definitely seems to be breaking down here.

From the July 29 edition of Glenn Beck:

MICHELLE OBAMA: Barack knows that we are going to have to make sacrifices. We are going to have to change our conversation. We are going to have to change our traditions, our history. We're going to have to move into a different place.

BECK: We're going to have to change our history and our traditions. What does that mean?

From the Weather Underground: "The role of the 'wife-mother' is reactionary in most modern societies, and the disintegration of that role under imperialism should make women more sympathetic to revolution." Got to get the women. Got to get the women.

The most important aspect of any family is the wife-mother, and she's just a reactionary capitalist plot to destroy women's rights? What? I mean, I thought I was supposed to be the conspiracy theorist.

But is this line of thought -- is this apparent in our world today? I hate to sound like my grandfather here, but I want to show you something. Before the Weather Underground came, father and the role of father in the house -- the family unit is being attacked, and it's all right here. The role of a mom, stay-at-home -- a stay at home mom. How many women in our society say, "I'm just a mom?" You're "just a mom" is being demeaned and ridiculed. You can't even teach your own children anymore. "You're not capable. You're a stay-at-home mom."

With the exception of The Cosby Show, I can't think of very many TV shows where the dad is the smart one. Before the 1960s, these were the shows on television. This was Father Knows Best. Can you even imagine a show named that? This is My Three Sons. Ward Cleaver, Leave It To Beaver. The role of father was strong, but now -- I mean, I hate to be my grandfather and say, "We didn't even have Rice Krispies back then" -- but look at the difference.

This was before these guys showed up. Now look at our culture. [The Simpsons] is the funniest show ever written on television. I love this show. But dad's a schlub. How about Everybody Loves Raymond? Dad's a schlub. Great show, one of my favorite shows again, but the roles are reversed.

This isn't a mistake. Let me quote again. The crisis -- "The crisis in imperialism has brought about a breakdown in culture and ideology. The family falls apart. The kids leave home. Women begin to break out of traditional female and mother roles. There develops a generation gap and a youth problem."

Do you see? The breakdown in our culture isn't a cause of the rise of this crazy ideology. It is the result of this. It depends on it. It's a path to power for the radicals. They must have it. They consume it. They feed off it.