Please note -- all Limbaugh Wire transcripts are, by nature, Rush transcripts
By Simon Maloy

Happy St. Patrick's Day from the Limbaugh Wire. We've set ourselves up for this afternoon's Rush Limbaugh Show with some nice corned beef and enough whisky to take down a draft horse. So no different from other days, except for the corned beef.

Rush kicked off the show blaming reported death threats against AIG executives on the tone of "civility" Obama and his teleprompter brought to Washington. El Rushbo went on to announce that he was one of the few brave Americans to stand athwart the "lynch mob" mentality regarding AIG and the bonuses.

From there, it was a smooth segue into bestiality. Rush said -- wait, what? Yeah, bestiality... Specifically this St. Petersburg Times blog post on legislation to make bestiality illegal in Florida, and confusion from a state senator regarding the bill's exemption for animal husbandry. Mercifully, it was time for a break.

Coming back, Rush promised to explain to everyone out there what a "retention bonus" is, but first he had to take some unexplained shots at Rep. Barney Frank (D-MA). He aired audio of Frank in January 2007, refusing to allow a Republican representative to amend a bill to prevent, in Limbaugh's words, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi's "sweetheart StarKist giveaway." This, of course, was followed by Limbaugh's Abba-Barney Frank parody, "Banking Queen." Since Limbaugh offered no explanation as to why this is relevant to... anything, we'll explain why it's a bunch of bull. Pelosi was not acting in the interest of the tuna company -- she was upholding policies she supported before the tuna company had any connection to her district. There was no "sweetheart StarKist giveaway," but some lies are just too fun to let die.

Back from the break, Limbaugh accused the Obama administration of "ginning up" death threats against AIG executives, and then claimed that all this AIG outrage is a White House-created "diversion" to draw attention away from President Obama's "plummeting poll numbers." As we noted yesterday, Limbaugh has an odd concept of what constitutes bad poll numbers.

After another break, Limbaugh was back, continuing to accuse the White House and the media of faking outrage, and attacking Republicans -- Sen. Charles Grassley (R-IA) specifically -- for not attacking Democrats over the bonuses. Rush explained that he really didn't have any expectation that Republicans would act properly, though, so he wasn't that surprised. Rush then took a caller who noted that the bonuses are just a tiny percentage of the stimulus AIG received. Rush enthusiastically agreed, saying it's like earmarks, and claiming that Democrats defended earmarks by pointing out how small a percentage of the omnibus bill they comprised. As we noted yesterday, Rush himself was quick to note the tiny percentages that the bonuses comprise, but was unconcerned with such percentages when voicing outrage over the "earmark-ulus" bill.

Rush then wrapped up the hour by again asserting his individuality, wondering aloud what it would be like to be part of a mob, to lose his individuality.

Well, the corned beef is gone, and we're already running low on whisky...

Highlights from Hour 1

Outrageous comments

LIMBAUGH: A lynch mob is expanding: the peasants with their pitchforks surrounding the corporate headquarters of AIG, demanding heads. Death threats are pouring in. All of this being ginned up by the Obama administration.

America's Truth Rejector

LIMBAUGH: I want to go back to a Barney Frank greatest hit: January 11th, 2007, on the House floor. This is right after the Democrats had retaken the House for the first time since 1994 -- this is after the 2006 elections. Barney Frank is acting as speaker. The speaker never goes to the speaker's chair. She's always stays back in her office and twists arms and does things. They have rotating members who go up there and act as the president of the House that day. The Senate does the same thing.

And this is during a time when it was been discovered that Nancy Pelosi had an exemption to some piece of bill for the StarKist tuna people, exempting them from some latest piece of legislation that was going to hamper other businesses. A Republican member of the House stood up, tried to make a point about Pelosi's StarKist giveaway by attempting to insert an exemption for Samoa into the stem cell bill, and Barney Frank did not want any part of it.

[...]

LIMBAUGH: Barney Frank again -- January 11th, 2007, refusing to let a Republican make a point about Nancy Pelosi's sweetheart StarKist giveaway, wanting the same thing for American Samoa.

Echo chamber

Cited March 17 Wall Street Journal editorial on AIG.

This hour of the Limbaugh Wire is brought to you by the stupid streets of New York City
By Simon Maloy

Top of the hour, and Rush announces that there is a "Stalinist power grab" going on, designed to distract everyone from the "mess" created by the Democrats. He then announces that Sen. Chris Dodd was the largest recipient of AIG campaign donations in 2008, citing OpenSecrets.org. We're glad Rush has discovered the wonders of OpenSecrets -- maybe he'll use it to update his theories from yesterday regarding the Wall Street-Democratic cabal conspiring to circulate stimulus money as campaign funds.

After noting that Caterpillar is continuing to shed jobs, and crowing that Obama was wrong about the stimulus, Rush offered a little economic history lesson. Noting that overall household worth dropped 18 percent last year, Rush credited Ronald Reagan and Reaganomics for increasing overall household worth from $10 trillion in 1980 to $60 trillion in 2008, citing this Wall Street Journal chart. It was all Reaganomics! And, according to Rush, now we have a choice between 28 boom years like we had from Reagan, or 28 "doom" years like we'll get from Obama. We don't know about you, but we were plenty shocked to hear that Bill Clinton was such an avid practitioner of Reaganomics, particularly since Rush spent most of the '90s attacking Clinton's allegedly disastrous economic policies.

Coming back from the break, Rush got in a quick plug for the Heritage Foundation, crediting them as one of the few institutions out there standing up for conservative principles.

Another break and Rush renewed his vow to stand up for military families, but then took a cue from William McGurn's Wall Street Journal column and laid into Michelle Obama for saying to ABC News after visiting Fort Bragg: "I think I was like most Americans ... [p]retty oblivious to the life of military families. Sort of taking it for granted." According to Rush, this was "outrageous," "disingenuous," and "insulting," explaining: "[S]he's admitting she was oblivious to the life of military families, and then has the gall to tell the rest of us that so are we, when we are not oblivious to the lives of military families." Actually, Rush, she was demonstrating a renewed commitment to the struggles of military families. Nevertheless, Rush capped it off by saying: "No, you're not like everybody else. Your ideas and your plans and the anger you bring to your life, you're not like everybody else, Mrs. Obama. Please don't equate us with your view of aspects of this country."

From there, Rush went on to explain how caps on executive compensation won't work, because it will kill New York City, as the lost tax revenue would mean the city couldn't "maintain its stupid streets, potholes, and welfare state." Moving on from bashing New York, he discussed the rest of the country, offering his thoughts on Obama and the Democrats coming into power: "God, what a bunch of idiot jerks we are in this country. What have we given ourselves? What have we elected for ourselves?"

One more break, then Rush repeated his comments from yesterday about New York attorney general Andrew Cuomo residing in the Albany Reichstag, and then -- in the grand conservative tradition -- likened the country's struggles to what he sees happening on the new season of Fox's 24 and proclaimed himself Jack Bauer, adding: "We need to torture some people!" Mission accomplished, Rush. And now we're all out of whisky.

Highlights from Hour 2

Outrageous comments

LIMBAUGH: I want to ask all of you in this audience and those of you who are new to this program a question. Way back last fall, when all this bailout stuff started, I warned you: This isn't going to work. This is not the way to do it. This is the government asserting control. We see now what a total mess all of this has become.

Guess where we are now? We've got the administration led by President Obama and his teleprompter. His teleprompter told him to say yesterday that these AIG executives are greedy and selfish, and now what? We've got death threats being phoned in to the AIG headquarters in New York, and all this time, we've been told that it's talk radio that incites this kind of hatred. It's Limbaugh and the little Limbaughs that create all of this animosity and anger and cause people to behave in ways that are uncivil.

And the president's own teleprompter is telling him to say that these executive are greedy and selfish and this is inciting people to behavior that could lead to violence if their threats are acted out. This whole thing is a boondoggle. It is a mess brought to you by the United States government led by Democrats.

[...]

LIMBAUGH: This $500,000 limit on executive pay -- let me tell you why it won't work. New York City will die. New York City needs a whole bunch of people being paid a whole lot of money, so they can tax their butts off, so that the city can maintain its stupid streets, potholes, and welfare state. Without the super wealthy in New York, it's over. You might as well go get Kurt Russell in there, put a fence around the whole country, and turn it into a prison, because that's what it would be. Escape from New York, did you see the movie? That's what it would be if you start limiting the pay of people whose taxes pay the freight in that city. That's why it's never gonna happen. This -- it's just a populist ruse. It's just designed to people go, "Yeah, yeah!"

[...]

LIMBAUGH: Have you been -- you people been watching 24 by the way? Oh, you like it, Brian? Man! I feel like I'm -- I feel like this country is in the middle of its own 24. I mean, I wrote it down. I wrote it down last night. I'll go through all the things happening in this season of 24 with this country involved -- not the TV show -- but our own 24.

I am Jack Bauer. I am Jack Bauer, my own government is coming after me at every turn. It happened again yesterday with that bumbling idiot Bob Gibbs.

Anyway, I have to take a brief time out. This is an act. This is a three-act play. The script has been written. Everybody's doing their part -- except I'm Jack Bauer. I'm trying to say, "No, no, no, what you're being told is a bunch of BS. We need to torture some people!"

Enemies list

First Lady Michelle Obama:

LIMBAUGH: Here is a story from Bill McGurn in the Wall Street Journal. Apparently, Michelle "My Bell" Obama, the first lady, went to Fort Bragg, North Carolina: "By choosing Fort Bragg for her first official trip outside Washington last week, Michelle Obama signaled that she will use her position to promote one of America's most deserving causes: military families. The families loved it. You can see the smiles on their children's faces as Michelle read them 'The Cat in the Hat' to them. So it was just a little disconcerting the next morning to hear the first lady explain how she came to this issue during last year's campaign. Michelle Obama said to ABC News 'Well, I think I was like most Americans, pretty oblivious to the life of military families. Sort of taking it for granted,' " quote-unquote.

I just don't believe this. Oblivious to the life -- she's admitting she was oblivious to the life of military families, and then has the gall to tell the rest of us that so are we, when we are not oblivious to the lives of military families.

So while she's out touring Fort Bragg, North Carolina, reading "The Cat in the Hat" to the children of military personnel and acting like all of a sudden, she's just now in the campaign -- she just started to love her country in the campaign, she just started to be proud of her country -- and it was only during the campaign that she finally figured out what military family life is like, while her husband is mulling eliminating government-paid health-care benefits for wounds and injuries suffered in combat.

And I thought it was talk radio that was ginning up all this anger and angst and so fourth. This is -- I mean, it's just -- it's outrageous. It is disingenuous and it is insulting, and I resent Mrs. Obama saying that she -- her thoughts on military life, "Well, I'm like everybody else" -- no, you're not like everybody else. Your ideas and your plans and the anger you bring to your life, you're not like everybody else, Mrs. Obama. Please don't equate us with your view of aspects of this country.

"Socialism" watch

LIMBAUGH: President Obama's teleprompter tells him to say that the tired ways of the past didn't work, that we need a new way. Here we go; we've got the new way. We've got peasants with their pitchforks phoning in death threats at AIG. We have members of the United States Senate and the United States House of Representatives sounding like communist dictators.

We have phony scandals being ginned up by Obama's teleprompter, promoted by White House media designed to distract you from the destruction that is happening to the United States economy and thus our country.

"Fascism" watch

LIMBAUGH: "AIG paid bonuses of $1 million or more to 73 employees, including 11 who no longer worked for the company," said Andrew Cuomo, the Reichstag attorney general in New York.

Echo chamber

Lauded the Heritage Foundation for their defense of "conservative principles," specifically cites this blog post on Obama's alleged $1.4 trillion tax increase.

Cited William McGurn's March 17 Wall Street Journal column.

Vox populi

LIMBAUGH: This man, Barney Frank, and Chris Dodd, these are your saviors. These are the people, along with President Obama's teleprompter, that are going to lead you to the promised land of prosperity. God, what a bunch of idiot jerks we are in this country. What have we given ourselves? What have we elected for ourselves?

You just heard -- you just heard Elmer Fudd. Elmer Fudd is in charge of inspiring and motivating you to be the best you can be: "The hell with contracts, we are going to take that bonus money back." Well, if they can do that, then nothing you have is yours.

This hour of the Limbaugh Wire brought to you by promises, invented and broken
By Simon Maloy

Well, it's the final hour. Our corned beef is long since gone and our whisky supply is exhausted, but we'll soldier on.

Rush kicked off the third hour by bragging that The Sullivan Group, which allegedly performs private analysis of Rush's show for the EIB network, has found, according to the latest figures, that Rush is accurate 98 percent of the time. We'd like to get a look at their methodology, mainly to figure out if it actually involves listening to Rush Limbaugh's show.

From there El Rushbo went on an extended rant about how much he dislikes hybrid vehicles. According to Rush, the people who buy hybrids are "kook oddballs, who are going to want to drive these things around 'cause they're symbols." Far be it from us to stoke any fires or spark any rifts here, but Sean Hannity drives an Escalade Hybrid, and he "love[s] it."

Then the show... well... remember the bestiality discussion from the first hour? He kinda took us down a similar road, as Rush spent a great deal of time expounding on this Los Angeles Times article, detailing the complaints from singer/songwriter Bob Dylan's Malibu neighbors regarding the odor from "a portable toilet on Dylan's property." Before ranting on this, Rush announced that he could have written "Knocking on Heaven's Door," which he redubbed "Knocking on a Toilet Door" for the purposes of the discussion. Come on, Rush. Bestiality? Portable toilets? How many of these roads must we walk down?

Rush took a call on the other side of the break from a man who was curious when Obama would make good on his campaign promise that no one over 65 would pay income taxes. Rush said he didn't remember that promise, but suggested that perhaps the caller was confusing "65" with the 95 percent of Americans who, according to Obama, won't see their taxes go up. The reason Rush couldn't remember that campaign promise from Obama is that he never made it. Obama said he would eliminate income taxes for seniors making less than $50,000. However, Rush has a habit of inventing campaign promises from Obama, so we wouldn't be surprised if he started attacking the president for failing to follow through on this one within a week's time.

Rush went on to another caller, this one a self-proclaimed liberal, capitalist, and small business owner. Rush says: "You have to hate yourself then," explaining: "Well, because liberals hate small business. They hate capitalism." After an extended argument over Rush's policy towards liberal callers, the woman requested to be put back on hold, and Rush promised -- PROMISED -- that he'd get back to her.

Another break, then Rush and a caller discussed mark-to-market accounting and how its abolition would immediately spark an economic recovery. There are differing schools of thought on the subject, and more than a few economists seem to think it's a bad idea. Rush himself noted that the Enron scandal was made possible by the lack of mark-to-market restrictions, but that didn't deter his faith in the investor class.

Another break and another caller, who asks Rush about the stimulus and special education teachers. Rush said the stimulus bill would not result in the hiring of more teachers, and that it would be easier to indoctrinate students with textbooks anyway.

Rush wrapped up the show with an apology to his liberal caller who asked to be put on hold, saying that he ran out of time. Now there's a broken promise...

Highlights from Hour 3

Outrageous comments

LIMBAUGH: So another totally wrong business decision forced by government to make a bunch of cars that the majority of Americans do not want. The proof is on dealership showrooms and lots. It's gotten so bad that auto dealerships and manufacturers are now suggesting we need to raise taxes on gasoline in order to sell their products -- how asinine. Everything is upside down here. I am just stunned.

The American people don't want these cars. I mean, you've got a few who do -- I mean, in a population as large and diverse as ours. Statistically, you're going to have some kook oddballs, who are going to want to drive these things around 'cause they're symbols: "Look at me, I care more about the environment 'cause I'm driving this little puddle jumper around here. It's a hybrid. I'm better than you."

[...]

CALLER: I'm from Savannah, Georgia, and --

LIMBAUGH: Well, that's a huge capitalist town. You know, they make Gulfstream jets there.

CALLER: Well, you know what? Wonderful.

LIMBAUGH: Well, it is.

CALLER: I love capitalism --

LIMBAUGH: It is wonderful.

CALLER: I love --

LIMBAUGH: It's very --

CALLER: -- capitalism and I'm a capitalist. I am a small business owner. So, do you --

LIMBAUGH: Well, then, how can you be liberal?

CALLER: How can I?

LIMBAUGH: You have to hate yourself then. If you're a capitalist and a small business owner, you have to hate yourself.

CALLER: No. Why would I hate myself? I hired 32 people.

LIMBAUGH: Well, because liberals hate small business. They hate capitalism.

CALLER: No, they don't. No, but --

LIMBAUGH: They're responsible for all the --

CALLER: -- that's why I call.

LIMBAUGH: -- injustice, and inequity --

CALLER: Thank you.

LIMBAUGH: -- and so --

CALLER: That's why I call.

LIMBAUGH: OK. OK. I've got to take a --

CALLER: To find out --

LIMBAUGH: Hold -- hold -- hold -- hold on.

CALLER: To find out if you --

LIMBAUGH: Just please, please hold on. We'll come back after the commercial time out. Don't go away.