The Limbaugh Wire is capable of surviving in non-Limbaugh environments
by Simon Maloy

Well, it's Monday, and contrary to our doom-and-gloom prediction from Friday, our NCAA bracket seems to be doing relatively well. We have to temper that bit of good news, however, with the fact that National Review contributor Mark Steyn is filling in today for El Rushbo, who is off on another charity golf junket. But here at The Limbaugh Wire we don't have the luxury of "days off," so Rush or no Rush, we'll soldier on.

Steyn kicked off the show asking: "Am I on the air?" After it was established that Steyn was indeed on the air, he attributed this "amateurish" beginning to the show to the fact that he was off teleprompter ... so fear not, Limbaugh fans. Rush may not be on the air, but the silly teleprompter jokes are going strong. Taking cues from Politico and Drudge, Steyn attacked Obama for "yukking it up" during his 60 Minutes interview. Then Steyn claimed Obama "decided to make wounded soldiers returning from the battlefield pay for treatment of injuries received in service of their country." Actually, he decided the exact opposite.

From there, Steyn told listeners that he would be examining on air the "three takes" on Obama from before the election. According to Steyn, the three "takes" were that Obama is a "moderate centrist," a "doctrinaire leftist," or "incompetent." Of course, "moderate centrist" was dismissed out of hand, but "incompetent" seemed like a plausible option to Steyn. Because of the teleprompter. He also agreed with Rush's estimation that Obama is "not cool, he's cold. This is a cold, cold guy."

Back from the break, Steyn cautioned listeners that, in a conflict between business interests and politicians, it is best to just let the "fat cats" have their bonuses, because that's better than the 90 percent clawback tax the House passed for AIG. Steyn then claimed that on 60 Minutes last night, Obama said he wanted that 90 percent tax to apply more broadly. A quick check of the interview transcript showed that to be untrue -- asked if he thought the AIG bill was constitutional, Obama responded: "Well, I think that -- as a general proposition, you don't want to be passing laws that are just targeting a handful of individuals. You want to pass laws that have some broad applicability." He wasn't saying the 90 percent rate should apply more broadly, he said that tax laws in general should be broad.

Another break and Steyn came back talking about how the U.S. government is "outsourcing" condoms, buying them more cheaply from China than a supplier in Alabama. According to Steyn, this means the "condom-unists" are benefiting from U.S. tax dollars. Mercifully, a caller derailed this train of thought, claiming that Obama was laughing on 60 Minutes because he knows how much he's getting away with. Steyn said Obama was "like Dr. Evil in Austin Powers cackling as though he's plotting to destroy the world," adding: "He metaphorically had a Victorian mustache that he was twirling while he was doing all that cackling."

After some ranting on how the media are "too invested" in Obama to allow him to "fail," Steyn returned from another break by attacking a Yahoo.com blogger for writing about Obama's "gaffes": "[I]t's heartening to hear our politicians stumble over words, mangle syntax and make inappropriate jokes. It shows politicians are human, too. Sometimes." Then it was time for another caller, this one expressing his outrage over Obama's comment on the Tonight Show about the Special Olympics. Steyn took the Obama's comments to mean that Obama is "arrogant" and "looks down" on everyone but himself, and claimed that there is no "evidence" that the president is a "kind" person.

Rounding out the hour, Steyn claimed that Michael Wolff of Vanity Fair was being terribly unfair in writing of Obama: "Sheesh, the guy is Jimmy Carter." According to Steyn, this was unfair to Carter, who took longer than 11 weeks to "become Jimmy Carter."

Highlights from Hour 1

Outrageous comments

STEYN: It is one very weird interview, this 60 Minutes interview. It's strange to see a man talking -- I mean, it's weird. It's like Dr. Evil in Austin Powers cackling as though he's plotting to destroy the world. It's like, "Ha-ha-ha-ha! The Dow will be down to 3,000 by the end of the week! Ha-ha-ha ha!" He metaphorically had a Victorian mustache he was twirling while he was doing all that cackling. Very, very weird. I don't know what -- I don't know what that's about, but if you haven't seen that 60 Minutes interview, go and look for it.

America's Guest Truth Rejector

Falsely claimed Obama "decided to make wounded soldiers returning from the battlefield pay for treatment of injuries received in service of their country":

STEYN: Then the commander-in-chief decides to make wounded soldiers returning from the battlefield pay for treatment of injuries received in service of their country. Then he goes and does the first-ever presidential disabled joke on national TV.

This hour of the Limbaugh Wire brought to you by the Soviet Republics of Ireland and Wales
by Simon Maloy

Steyn began the second hour by revisiting the "three takes" on Obama. Once again, "moderate centrist" was chucked out the window. According to Steyn, Obama spent too much time hanging out with far-left characters -- like the first lady -- so his idea of the "center" is too far to the left. Steyn then launched into a critique of European government spending, claiming that places like Sweden, Ireland, and Wales have levels of government spending so high that they might as well be Soviet Russia... Obama's alleged leftist leanings, according to Steyn, are betrayed when he goes of the teleprompter, and Obama's goal is to turn American citizens into "junkies" with the government as the "pusher." From there he went on to attack Barney Frank as a "no-account congressman," and made a veiled reference to the spurious allegation that Frank was involved in a prostitution scandal -- a favorite smear of The Rush Limbaugh Show, regardless of the host.

So, Steyn says, if Obama's not a "leftist," then he's "incompetent." Steyn said he could go either way on this one, because Obama's been very "effective" at "eviscerating" American wealth by "talking down" the economy and the private sector. Steyn expressed great concern that the Treasury Department's newly unveiled plan to buy risky assets would not be "effectively" implemented because of staffing shortages at Treasury. Steyn "guarantee[d]" that the bulk of the money will be wasted, because there is "no structure on Earth" that could effectively spend $1 trillion.

Back from the break and a very agitated caller talks about how his family fled generations of "socialism" in Germany, calling Obama a "Marxist Pollyanna dolt." Steyn loved this bit of verbiage, ensured the caller that he was writing it down, and promised that they'd have the phrase on a bumper sticker right away. The caller then asked who Steyn thinks is Obama's "puppet master." In a breathtaking leap of originality, Steyn eschewed the fallback "George Soros" response, and instead went for the lighthearted "rogue teleprompter" route, comparing the teleprompter to HAL 9000.

Back from the break, and it was time for some extolling of the flat taxes of Eastern Europe, and some lampooning of Al Gore and the "flatulence taxes" of Western Europe. Steyn drew from history to offer some context: "I like to think if you go back to 1776 and King George announced that he was taxing colonial cattle on their flatulence, in Boston they would have had a big old Boston baked bean party in Boston harbor." Steyn elaborated on this point, claiming that the 90 percent tax on AIG bonuses passed by the House was "worse than anything King George III attempted to do to colonial settlers in colonial New England in the eighteenth century," ironically adding: "People have got to get real about this."

Another break and another caller, this one claiming that Obama doesn't want to be president, he just wants to play one on TV. Steyn agreed, but thought there was more to it than that, pointing to Obama's Florida townhall and attacking Henrietta Hughes, claiming that she asked Obama for "a new house" with "a fitted kitchen." According to Steyn, Obama told her to "call 1-800-OBAMA and we'll take care of it," adding: "That is the relationship between a subject and a monarch." In reality, as we've pointed out before, Hughes said her family needs a house with their own kitchen. Period. Not a "new house," not a "fitted kitchen." Just somewhere to live. Obama, for his part, offered to have his staff speak with Hughes after the town hall.

After attacking President Obama as holding "his first full-time job in his life," Steyn rounded out the hour with the popular conservative falsehood that the AIG bonuses were "specifically provided for" in the stimulus package, and claiming that there is no such thing as "the Belgian dream."

Highlights from Hour 2

Outrageous comments

STEYN: You know, we're in danger of forgetting why this country rebelled against King George III, and it's important. All of these tea parties over these -- I like to think if you go back to 1776 and King George III announced that he was taxing colonial cattle on their flatulence, that in Boston they would have had a big old Boston baked bean party in Boston Harbor. They would have had the Boston bean party, and they would have told the king where to get off. That at some point, at some point, we have to remember -- we have to remember that we are free-born citizens, and every crazy idea does not suddenly become legitimate because Barney Frank or Nancy Pelosi or some other figure like that is on TV announcing it as if it's perfectly normal. And that's what's wrong with this -- that's what's wrong with this present thing, when they say -- you say you don't like this AIG's bonus. You don't like AIG's bonus. Barney -- when Barney Frank is on TV and they're saying, "Well, this is unacceptable. We're going to tax them at 90 percent," that is worse -- that is worse than anything King George III attempted to do to colonial settlers in colonial New England in the 18th century. People have got to get real about this.

[...]

STEYN: The people who told us that Obama was the smart guy who could get things done, a guy, by the way, who has never -- who has never done -- this is, like, his first full-time job in his life. This is the first job he's done where he's got to turn up at 8 in the morning and make decisions.

America's Guest-Truth Rejector

Repeated falsehood about Henrietta Hughes:

STEYN: So you're right on that, that I think essentially he wants to be president. He's happy being president. He likes going on TV. I don't understand, by the way: Why would a guy think it's his priority to be on Jay Leno? I don't understand it. Now you say, Timmy, you say he likes playing one on TV. I think it's more than that. I think it's -- when you see him with Henrietta Hughes at these pseudo-town meetings -- I don't think of them as real town meetings, by the way, because if you live in New Hampshire, a town meeting is where you see some cranky old coot in plaid gets up because the town wants to spend $500 on a fence for the town dump, and you talk about it for three hours until the cranky old coot in plaid gets everyone to vote it down to, you know, $325. That's what a town meeting is. He likes these pseudo-town meetings where Henrietta Hughes says, "Oh, you know, I really need -- I'm hurting for a new house and I need -- we need a fitted kitchen and we need a bathroom," and he says, "Hey, don't worry about it, sweetie, call 1-800-OBAMA and we'll take care of it." I think he enjoys -- that's, by the way, not the relationship between a citizen and an elected leader. That is the relationship between a subject and a monarch.

Repeated false claim that stimulus package "specifically provided for" AIG bonuses:

STEYN: The guys go, "Well, you know, need to sign this bill now - in 24 hours. We've got no time to wait. You've got to pass this bill. Pass this bill. Pass this bill." So they all pass this bill that none of them have read -- that none of them have read.

CALLER: Exactly.

STEYN: And they pass it and they sign it, and a couple of weeks go by and suddenly there's a big fuss because some guys get bonuses for it, and the bonuses are specifically provided for in the legislation, and they say, "Well, I can't have been expected to know anything about that. What do you think? I'm the kind of guy who reads legislation before I vote on it?"

This hour of the Limbaugh Wire brought to you by the Birther rebirth
by Simon Maloy

This hour of The Rush Limbaugh Show began in one of the 3,435,982 ways we hoped it wouldn't -- with a discussion of the "cat version of AIDS." Specifically, Steyn claimed that the Wall Street fat cats are no longer "fat," but rather, because the banking industry declined 25 percent in the last two years, they are "emaciated, cadaverous cats. They've got that -- what's that thing, the cat version of AIDS that the cats get? The feline immunodeficiency virus? These are emaciated skeletal cats. They're the only ones left. They're scavenging for fish bones in the garbage cans of Wall Street."

Back from the break, Steyn read from a New York Times article on how, under the stimulus package, poorer school districts may receive fewer dollars per student than wealthier school districts. According to Steyn, the idea that a school district would ask Washington for assistance in the first place would have been abhorrent to Alexis De Tocqueville, who would have found that to be indicative of a "European" mentality. Before the break, Steyn took a call from a union worker who explained that he agreed with 95 percent of everything he and Rush said, but had to disagree with Limbaugh's position that AIG executives should receive their contractually mandated bonuses, but that unionized auto workers should have to renegotiate their contracts -- a novel position we've identified in the past. Steyn's response was to characterize GM as a "retirement home" with an "unsuccessful car-making subsidiary."

Back from the break, Steyn noted that Fox News was reporting that Obama is calling for more oversight of executive pay. According to Steyn: "That's what he meant when he said he didn't think it was right to use the tax code to target a small number of individuals. It makes more sense to use the tax code to target everybody so we're going to have more oversight of executive pay." Just one problem -- nobody is talking about the tax code. "Executive pay" means their salary, not the rate at which they are taxed. In both the Fox News article and the New York Times article on which it is based, there's not one mention of taxes. Other than that, the point is well-taken.

Then it was time for another caller, who assumed Steyn was "foreign born because you have a funny accent just like I do." Steyn responded: "No, no, no, no. I was born in the general vicinity of Hawaii. I'm planning to run for president on the basis of my Hawaiian birth certificate circa 2012." You know... every time you think this "Birther" nonsense has finally died down, some prominent conservative always seems to recidivate in front of a powerful microphone. We guess some hare-brained conspiracies are just too fun to let go.

Anyway, another break and another caller, this one claiming that Obama appointed Geithner as a "scapegoat," and Steyn hearily agreeing, comparing Geithner to a "mob accountant who winds up doing 30 years when the big Mafioso skates," adding: "I don't know whether that's something that Barack Obama loved from Chicago politics." From there, Steyn attacked Obama for failing to seem "engaged" in the global financial crisis, and one-upped Rush's "cold, not cool" calculation, saying Obama is heading towards "Frosty the Snowman cool."

At the end of the show, Steyn apologized for the times he sounded "apocalyptic" during the program, and coached listeners on a basic principle -- that the United States is a "nation with a government, not the other way around."

That's it for today's non-Limbaugh Limbaugh Wire. We'll see you tomorrow with the real deal behind the golden microphone. Until then, please reacquaint yourself with The Very Best of Rush Limbaugh, courtesy of Media Matters for America.

Highlights from Hour 3

Outrageous comments

STEYN: McCain talked more about greedy Wall Street fat cats than Obama did. Obama just stood there looking cool like a male mannequin in those debates because he didn't have his teleprompter so he was being kind of cautious about the words he said, but McCain was demonizing Wall Street fat cats at every opportunity. You know, in the last two years, the United States banking sector has declined to 25 percent -- below 25 percent of what its value was two years ago They're not fat cats. They're emaciated, cadaverous cats. They've got that -- what's that thing, the cat version of AIDS that the cats get? The feline immunodeficiency virus? These are emaciated skeletal cats. They're the only ones left. They're scavenging for fish bones in the garbage cans of Wall Street.

[...]

STEYN: Fox News is just reporting that President Obama is calling for more oversight of executive pay. That's great, isn't it? That's great. It's not just -- it's not just on the AIG vice presidents. I'm not just tormenting them. That's what he meant when he said he didn't think it was right to use the tax code to target a small number of individuals. It makes much sense to use the tax code to target everybody, so we're going to have more oversight of executive pay.

[...]

CALLER: Mark, I assume you're a foreign born because you have a funny accent just like I do.

STEYN: No, no, no, no. I was born in the general vicinity of Hawaii. I'm planning to run for president on the basis of my Hawaiian birth certificate circa 2012. All right, then, so you -- why don't you join me? You could be vice president, Fred. You sound like you were born in Hawaii too.

[...]

STEYN: You know, Tim Geithner has the air of the schnook mob accountant when you see him -- when you see him on TV, the schnook mob accountant who winds up doing 30 years when the big Mafioso skates. And I don't know whether that's something that Barack Obama loved from Chicago politics, just Cook County business as usual, but he does give off that air that he's being lined up, and I think that certainly he's the one nearest the exit door.