This hour of the Limbaugh Wire brought to you by the growing, chaotic conspiracy
By Simon Maloy

Good afternoon from the Limbaugh Wire. We're still recovering from our marathon speed-reading of Mark Levin's Liberty and Tyranny, so forgive us if we're a little loopy.

Rush kicked off today's show with yet another recitation of his grand unified conspiracy theory of Obama chaos, which was enacted to enable government control of everything. But there was a new twist this afternoon -- he's discovered a fellow traveler in the personage of Dick Morris. Rush agreed wholeheartedly with Morris' self-professed conspiracy theory that Obama wants his own financial plans to fail so he can enact some grand socialist dream. Rush said Morris was taking it to a "new level," and it is all about chaos.

Chaos! Like the chaos being caused by Secretary of State Clinton "going down to Mexico, saying it's our fault. It's the drug habits of Americans that are driving these gangs, and it's making the gangs pull the triggers. It's making the gangs get the guns." We're not sure how this creates "chaos," but we are pretty sure that there's nothing wrong about what Clinton said, and, as we pointed out yesterday, the Bush administration similarly "promis[ed] to reduce demand for illegal drugs and to combat trafficking in weapons and bulk cash" as part of the Merida Initiative to curb drug violence in conjunction with the Mexican government. The Merida Initiative was endorsed by the Heritage Foundation.

Want another example of Obama-caused chaos? How about the sun? Rush read extensively from a New Scientist article about space storms and how the sun could create a disaster on Earth large enough to destroy the Eastern United States in 90 seconds. Once again, we weren't sure what this had to do with... anything, but Rush enlightened us. After attacking "people that buy into global warming" who supposedly "say the sun has nothing to do with anything to do with whether it's warm or cold here on the Earth," Rush claimed that the proposed solutions for these catastrophic sun storms will be the same solutions that have been offered for global warming. According to Rush, it's all part of a daily drumbeat of "doom and gloom," the solution to which is always "the government."

That was a lot of theorizing for one 25-minute block, so Rush took a quick break and came back attacking Will Ferrell's send-up of George W. Bush, "You're Welcome, America." Rush said that you'll never see anything like that about Obama, even though Obama is "truly dangerous."

Another break, and Rush came back armed with a little Orwellian alarmism, comparing Obama's recent media blitz to 1984's omnipresent symbol of repressive totalitarianism, Big Brother: "I don't know how many of you read Orwell's 1984, but the supreme leader was Big Brother, and not only was he on TV 24/7, you couldn't get him off of television." While we were reeling from the stunning originality of this comparison, Rush turned his sights on the president's online town hall earlier today, speculating that the White House may have conspired with ordinary citizens to rig the questions and answers, claiming Obama has a "network of people that'd go for this -- ACORN."

Then it was on to the tyranny of smart meters. Rush aired audio of Obama explaining that smart meters, installed in homes, can help Americans regulate their energy usage. This, according to Rush, meant that Obama thinks "you're too stupid" to regulate your own energy usage, and claimed that smart meters -- with input from Google -- are an attempt by the government to worm its way into your house to tell you how and when to use your thermostat. According to Rush, this is "tyranny, pure unadulterated tyranny."

So in case you're keeping score at home, the Limbaugh-Morris grand unified conspiracy theory of Obama chaos now encompasses Obama, the Democrats, Hillary Clinton, Mexico, the Bush administration, the Heritage Foundation, the New Scientist, global warming activists, ACORN, Google, and the sun.

Highlights from Hour 1

Outrageous comments

LIMBAUGH: Chaos -- the chaos on the border. Mrs. Clinton going down to Mexico, saying it's our fault. It's the drug habits of Americans that are driving these gangs, and it's making the gangs pull the triggers. It's making the gangs get the guns. It's making the gangs trying to get into the United States. It's the United States' fault. The chaos on the border -- that's exactly what they want. Everywhere you look -- you need to look around. You can't avoid it. There's chaos everywhere. And you'd have to think -- well, we elected a guy to stop all this.

[...]

LIMBAUGH: Now I'd like to know if any of these people buy into global warming -- any of these people that issued this report, because the people that buy into global warming say the sun has nothing to do with anything to do with whether it's warm or cold here on the Earth.

[...]

LIMBAUGH: For those of you who read the book 1984, Big Brother was everywhere. No matter where you went, Big Brother was on television, on the radio. It didn't matter where you went. I have a simple question: When do all television sets just eventually default to the Obama channel? There has to be an Obama channel now, and at some point, the government, the FCC, is going to encode broadcast signals so that your TV or your receiver defaults to the Obama channel all the time -- same thing with your computer defaulting to the Obama page.

Last Thursday, we had Obama on Leno. On Sunday, we had Obama on 60 Minutes. On Monday, we had the networks replaying Obama on 60 Minutes and Leno. On Tuesday, we had the all-channel press conference -- Tuesday night.

Today -- now wait a minute, scratch that.

On Thursday, we had Leno. On Friday, we had wall-to-wall media coverage of Obama on Leno. Then on Sunday, we had 60 Minutes. Monday, we had wall-to-wall media coverage of Obama on 60 Minutes. On Tuesday, we had the all-channel press conference from the White House. Yesterday, wall-to-wall media coverage of the Obama press conference.

Today, Thursday, a virtual town meeting in the White House -- Obama doing an internet, on-line town meeting. Tomorrow, it'll be wall-to-wall coverage of the Obama town meeting.

As I -- I don't know how many of you read Orwell's 1984, but the supreme leader was Big Brother, and not only was he on TV 24/7, you couldn't get him off of television.

[...]

LIMBAUGH: I don't know if he knows the questions in advance. It'd be easy to sit here and be cynical and say that Obama's people wrote the questions and then wrote the answers, and all of it's on the prompter. But I think that even if they did write the questions, they had to do it through real citizens, and he's got a network of people that'd go for this -- ACORN. He's got a bunch of people that would go for this.

[...]

LIMBAUGH: You see, you are too stupid to know when it's peak usage, despite the fact that your drive-by media and utility companies are warning you every five seconds, everyday, when it's 100 degrees in August. You might also know you're at peak usage when there are brownouts if you live in California, thanks to Enron. Yes, we know. But you're too stupid to know even this, so you need a smart meter in your house.

A smart meter's called a thermostat, and many people already have them in their homes, but, according to Obama, you don't know how to use it. So we're going to put another thermostat in there that's going to send out little warnings or red lights or start blinking when you're at peak usage and you can then turn off your lights, and then you can turn down or up your thermostat, whichever is called for.

And then we're going to help you sell back energy that you've generated in your home through a solar panel, and we can be done -- we can create jobs by doing this right now. How? Obama just said that the federal government is going to find a way into your house to tell you how and when you can set your thermostat. And he wants to hire a bunch of new government workers to get in your house to do this.

Remember in the UK, they've already spent 30,000 pounds -- we had this story yesterday -- with spy planes flying over neighborhoods with cameras that produce an infrared reaction, and they can detect homes that are overusing the approved amount of electricity and energy. We don't even need electricians in your home. We can just have spy satellites do it.

The point is the Obama administration wants to know when you are breaking the rules. The Obama administration wants to know when you are exceeding your allotment, all this couched in: "You can save the planet and we can help you do it" -- tyranny, pure unadulterated tyranny.

Echo chamber

Cited Dick Morris' conspiratorial speculation on Fox News regarding Obama wanting his own programs to fail.

Clips from this hour:

Limbaugh: Obama "is a gutless wonder; he is seeking as much chaos and depression among average Americans as he can get"

This hour of the Limbaugh Wire brought to you by the tyranny of Ed Norton
By Simon Maloy

Top of the hour, and Rush was still upset about smart meters, saying he received a note from a friend who has a friend who is an "industry expert" who said that 40 percent of all electricity is stolen, so people will find a way to get around these smart meters. And speaking of energy usage, Rush informed us that he cranked up all the lights in his home last night because he was watching Edward Norton and Alanis Morissette on Larry King last night promoting Earth Hour, a climate change awareness initiative asking people to turn their lights off for an hour on Saturday. According to Rush, this is all part of the "emotional chaos" gripping the country, exemplified by "the election of [an] extremist, tyrannical president." As a countermeasure, Rush encouraged his listeners to crank up their lights: "I urge all of you, especially those of you who are stealing your electricity by short-changing the meter, fire 'em up."

You heard it hear, folks -- Rush Limbaugh encouraging people already stealing electricity to steal more electricity.

Rush returned from the break still fired up on this issue, because he hates it when people "act like sheep." According to Rush, if you willingly turn your lights off for an hour when asked to by an actor, that means you're more likely to turn your lights off when ordered to. We're not sure which actors have the kind of clout to order people to shut off their lights. Maybe De Niro. Anyway, while discussing the subject, Rush theorized that a blackout will result in a mini-baby boom nine months later. Or rather, Rush said: "[W]e know that when the lights go off on a power failure, nine months later, bam-o! We've got more human beings and more abortions, depending on who got pregnant."

Before the break, Rush took a call from a man expounding on a topic Rush touched on earlier -- the alleged "banning" of black paint for cars in California in order to cut air conditioner use and reduce emissions. Rush and the caller went back and forth over whether black cars or white cars reflected more heat, grappling with the science behind the issue. Coming back from the break, Rush declared that it doesn't matter whether a black car or a white car reflects or absorbs more heat -- the point is that the California Air Resources Board is "dictating" that you can't have a black car. Rush tied this back to Ed Norton and Earth Hour, claiming that those who "mindlessly play along" with these sorts of things are simply demonstrating their willingness to "play along" all for the purpose of making an actor or singer feel relevant. It's sort of like a bunch of people coming together to hold "tea parties" based on the recommendation of a faux-populist financial news personality, and egged on by a conservative radio host...

Anyway, it was time for another caller, this one asking Rush to explain to "the liberals" that if they succeed with limiting the pay of financial industry executives, then when conservatives come back into power, they'll limit the pay of union bosses and so forth. Limbaugh tied this to a "monologue" he delivered a few weeks ago on this very topic -- that the left is going to enact these "tyrannical powers," but conservatives will come back into authority and use these very same powers to punish all the liberals. Rush said this actually would never happen, because conservatives don't seek revenge and would actually want to return power to the people... but it would be fun... but warning the "liberals" about this is "fruitless" anyway because the liberals believe that they'll never lose power -- that's the point of tyranny. So... he's already warned liberals that conservatives will take revenge, even though they won't, but they might, but it doesn't matter because the warning wasn't listened to anyway. Can we have the last five minutes of our life back please?

No?

Shoot... Well, one more break before the hour ended, and Rush came back ranting about the special election in NY-20 and how Democrat Scott Murphy is using Republican Jim Tedisco's "Limbaugh is meaningless to me" comment (and subsequent "clarification") as a campaign tactic. Rush was very upset about this, and wanted to tell all the voters in NY-20 that Murphy is "lacking" in "character" and "qualifications," so he has to run against a radio host.

Highlights from Hour 2

Outrageous comments

LIMBAUGH: Now this level, folks, of emotional chaos, this level of emotional derangement, it's been present in this country for a long time, but, look with the election of extremist, tyrannical president, look at all of it that he's brought to the surface. And you watch this stuff and you go, "This is not the country I live in. This is not America. This is not the country I was raided in. This is not the country I grew up in."

[...]

LIMBAUGH: I urge all of you, especially those of you who are stealing your electricity by short-changing the meter, fire 'em up -- Saturday night, 8:30. They chose 8:30 'cause daylight time -- of course, it's still -- it gets dark by 8:30 -- fire 'em up! I mean, fire up every light you've got. Go out and drive your car and turn the headlights on after you've turned every light on the house -- in the house on and the outside. Just fire it up.

Go out and rent spotlights. Go out and get some lights and light the buildings where the lights have been turned off. Somebody's got to make up for the electricity not being used.

[...]

LIMBAUGH: I mentioned that they're going to have videos of what people do when the lights are off. That's what the website says. And I -- we know that when the lights go off on a power failure, nine months later, bam-o! We've got more human beings and more abortions, depending on who got pregnant.

So it could end up -- this hour off could end up producing more people, which would ultimately threaten the planet far more than any one hour without electricity in your house. So make sure that you get a condom. Make sure you get a condom from China so that it has lead in it. Get prepared. Either up the contraception or go out and get a condom and prepare for your hour of darkness Saturday night at 8:30, so that you don't mistakenly raise and elevate the U.S. population, which, of course, will put stress on the planet.

Clips from this hour:

Discussing upcoming "Earth hour," Limbaugh calls Obama "an extremist tyrannical president"

This hour of the Limbaugh Wire brought to you by Rush's appreciation for the "info babes" at MSNBC
By Simon Maloy

We've arrived at the third and final hour, and Rush got it started by telling us how he was watching MSNBC with the sound off and "the two info babes -- oops -- the two anchors, the two women went into a rant" about the proposed GOP budget. From there, he launched into a discussion of a recent study showing that women are "more attracted to men in expensive cars." Rush said he didn't need this study, he's known that since high school. Then Snerdley apparently started yelling at Rush about "ugly women." Rush chastised Snerdly, saying "there are no ugly women" -- at least, according to Rush, there aren't any on his radio show.

Just before the break, Rush voiced some outrage at the fact that the Senate Judiciary's subcommittee on antitrust, competition policy, and consumer rights announced it will conduct hearings on changing the system by which college football determines its championship team.

After the commercial time-out, Rush returned to the subject of smart meters, prompted by a caller who said she's waiting for the day someone comes to her house telling her what she can and cannot do. Rush told the woman that she has to understand that this is a bipolar country, that there are millions of Americans who want the government to tell them how to live, and that these smart meters are part of the "culmination" of "decades of propaganda" teaching us that prosperity is destroying the country. We should have touched on this earlier, but let's take a look at what smart meters really are. Instead of evil devices that will facilitate the Obama-Google-Orwell fascist revolution, smart meters are actually an upgrade over traditional utility meters, and can "capture information about how much power is consumed, but also when and at what price, so utilities can better manage distribution and consumers can look for savings by doing some chores when energy is cheaper, like at night."

Another break, and Rush came back to take a call from a Republican voter from NY-20, who offered her observations on the Murphy-Tedisco race. Rush claimed that the race became "national" once the Democrats dragged him into it, and that the Democrats are running against Rush because they believe it will turn out the Democratic base in NY-20. Rush thought this an odd strategy, given that Democrats control the country and Murphy should be linking himself to Obama. Then Rush morphed into Murphy for a quick moment to make a campaign speech: "I want to join President Obama in destroying your liberty. ... I want to join President Obama as he turns us back into a third world -- I want to join President Obama as his half-brother still lives in a hut and his other half-brother now has cholera."

After that tasteful exercise was over, Rush launched into a discussion of his own ratings, crowing about some new Arbitron figures showing his market share had increased in certain cities, etc. This continued for a while until Rush finally got to the "point" for bringing it all up -- there are 62 million people who voted against Obama, and even though the "drive-bys" say that the country is united behind the president, the Limbaugh ranks are "swelling" because there is an "appetite" and a "hunger" out there for opposition.

After yet another commercial interruption, Rush returned to hyping his own ratings, and attacking the White House, claiming their strategy of making Limbaugh the face of Republicanism has "backfired," just like it will "backfire" in NY-20 because Democrat Murphy "hasn't got the guts, the character, the courage to tell anybody what the hell he stands for in this election -- trying to make Democrats think that I am essentially on the ticket out there."

Rush ended the hour just as he started it -- with a bit of sexism. Rush noted a Rasmussen poll that found 66 percent of Americans think Obama will raise taxes on people earning less than $250,000 per year, adding: "[Y]et, his approval numbers anywhere from 57 to 65, depending on where you look." According to Rush: "What are we to conclude? They know he's lying through his teeth, and they still support him. It just means this -- what women have always known: 'Cheat on me, just don't tell me about it.' "

That's a wrap for the Limbaugh Wire today. We encourage you to check out Media Matters' Limbaugh Chronicles, but don't search for it using Google -- remember, they're part of the conspiracy. And stay out of the sun. And don't trust Dick Morris. Well, you should have known that anyway...

Highlights from Hour 3

Outrageous comments

LIMBAUGH: On Capitol Hill, the Treasury secretary testifies before Barney Frank's committee on how he intends to destroy our capitalist system, with Barney Frank banging the gavel in support. In the House, arguments over the federal budget are taking place, as well as in the Senate.

[...]

LIMBAUGH: Murphy is giving no voter one reason to vote for him. Now that's odd, when you consider the Democrats run this country. I know it's a conservative district, but he could be associating himself with Obama. He could be associating himself with Biden. He could be associating himself with David Patterson, all of the -- Andrew Cuomo. He could be doing it, except it's a conservative district, I know. But he's a Democrat. He's a Democrat.

He could be doing all of these wonderful things, say, "I want to join President Obama in destroying your liberty. I want to join president Obama in creating new jobs. I want to join President Obama as he turns us back into a third world -- I want to join President Obama as his half-brother still lives in a hut and his other half-brother now has cholera. I want to join with President Obama as we're about to deport good old Aunt Zeituni back to the third world after he got his $500,000 book advance five days before being inaugurated. I want to support President Obama in the notion he does not have to redistribute his own wealth to his own family. Vote for me, Scott Murphy."

Enemies list

Democratic House candidate Scott Murphy:

LIMBAUGH: It's going to backfire on them in New York-20, with Scott Murphy running ads and sending out leaflets and email newsletters using pictures of me as though I'm his opponent. He hasn't got the guts, the character, the courage to tell anybody what the hell he stands for in this election -- trying to make Democrats think that I am essentially on the ticket out there.

Ladies' man

LIMBAUGH: Then the two info babes -- oops -- the two anchors, the two women went into a rant, started waving at her, "You've got to show us something. You've got to do math. I know math's hard, but you've got to show us the specifics, the specifics, the specifics." I think it was Contessa Brewer. She was going nuts.

[...]

LIMBAUGH: Rasmussen reports 66 percent in the latest poll say that President Obama is likely to raise taxes on those people earning less than $250,000 a year. Two-thirds think that -- the figure includes 47 percent who say he's very likely to raise taxes on people who make less than $250,000 a year -- yet, his approval numbers anywhere from 57 to 65, depending on where you look. What are we to conclude?

They know he's lying through his teeth, and they still support him. It just means this -- what women have always known: "Cheat on me, just don't tell me about it."

Clips from this hour:

Limbaugh refers to MSNBC's Brewer, Francis as "info-babes," then amends to "anchors"

Limbaugh: Geithner testified about "how he intends to destroy our capitalist system with Barney Frank banging the gavel in support"

Limbaugh: "They know [Obama is] lying through his teeth and they still support him. It just mean this: what women have always known, 'cheat on me, just don't tell me about it' "