This hour of the Limbaugh Wire brought to you by Rush's thoughts on America's relationship with the Muslim world
By Simon Maloy

Happy Tuesday to everyone. Rush is back behind the golden microphone after his one-day hiatus, during which guest host Mark Steyn regaled us all with tales of adult movies on the British government tab and "bondage dungeon[s]." As such, we're guardedly optimistic that the week can only go up from here.

El Rushbo kicked off the program by expanding on his theory that the stock market goes up when President Obama leaves the country -- it's down today because Obama is returning! "Remember when Obama left, the markets skyrocketed. The markets know Obama is coming back and so the markets are plummeting." Rush then moved on to the new Segway vehicle made in conjunction with GM, which Rush called "a wheelchair with a motor." Noting that it has a top speed of 35 miles per hour, Rush said that the "oddballs, fringe kooks, and weirdos" will drive it, and that it represents a failure of "leadership." Whose "leadership"? We're not sure, he didn't explain. Then it was on to former Sen. Ted Stevens, whose conviction on federal corruption charges was tossed out by a federal judge earlier today. Rush was incredulous that the botched prosecution conducted by the Bush Department of Justice couldn't be blamed on the Democrats. Why? Because the Bush DoJ was "polluted" with career Democrats from the Clinton era.

Rush then moved on to Obama's surprise trip to Baghdad and his entire overseas trip in general, claiming that "American guilt" pervades Obama's "existence" because of how he was raised and who mentored him. Rush was particularly upset that Obama told Europe that America doesn't "respect" them enough. According to Rush, "Europe wouldn't be there" if it weren't for the United States. He also attacked Obama for saying in Turkey that America is a nation of shared values. "Not his," exclaimed Rush, claiming that Obama's values are contrary to those upon which the country was built.

After attacking The New York Times for threatening to shutter the Boston Globe if the unions don't make concessions, Rush attacked a Reuters article from today which reported that: "More U.S. consumers are falling behind on their mortgages, an indication that the housing market has yet to hit bottom, a top credit bureau executive told Reuters." What set Rush off was that they quoted an expert struggling to find optimism, despite, in Reuters' words, "a recent burst of relatively positive news that has fueled hope that the U.S. housing market has turned a corner." Rush claimed that it was ridiculous that Reuters would report that the housing market is coming back when, in Rush's estimation, it hasn't hit bottom yet. You'll recall that the first sentence of the article, quoted above, indicated that "the housing market has yet to hit bottom." Anyway, according to Rush this was just more evidence that the American media is too invested in Obama and that they consider him "too big to fail." Look to the British press, extolled Limbaugh, because they know what's what.

After the break Rush came back with another trademark parody, this one a "message" from Obama to GM employees. After making sure our sides had not, in fact, split, we tuned back in to hear Rush return to mocking the Segway/GM joint project, known as the PUMA, which continued going into the next break and coming back from it. Rush's theory was that drivers of this vehicle are going to need kneepads. Now, we were momentarily surprised, because Rush managed to say the word "kneepads" once without making some sort of lewd reference. But then he said it again and the temptation proved to be too much: "These are hopped-up wheelchairs. And since you're going to need kneepads, this would be the perfect thing for Monica Lewinsky to endorse as a product -- maybe Lewinsky and Clinton together as a means of spreading the word, shall we say, on the new PUMA."

Rounding out the hour, Rush laid into Obama for saying in his speech before the Turkish parliament: "The United States is not, and will never be, at war with Islam." No one ever said we're at war with Islam, Rush rejoined (not exactly true). Rather, according to Rush, people say we're at war with the "militant Islamofascists" known as Al Qaeda. Rush then went after Obama's statement: "We will convey our deep appreciation for the Islamic faith, which has done so much over the centuries to shape the world -- including in my own country." Rush's response? "He said that the Islamic faith has done so much over the centuries to shape the world, including in my own country. Well, I think 9-11 did have a big shaping factor here. The Twin Towers are gone. The Pentagon had a hole in it. Three thousand people are dead. That did reshape America." Just so we're clear, Rush Limbaugh said the September 11 terrorist attacks were an example of the Islamic faith "reshap[ing] America."

And Rush wonders why Obama felt the need to say that the United States does, indeed, respect the Muslim world.

Highlights from Hour 1

Outrageous comments

LIMBAUGH: Dow Jones Industrial Average is down 166 points today. It's been flirting around that 166 to 180. It's 'cause Obama is coming home. Remember when Obama left, the markets skyrocketed. The markets know Obama is coming back and so the markets are plummeting.

[...]

LIMBAUGH: You know what they're going to call this wheelchair with a motor on it? The PUMA. You know what? Now a puma is one of the fastest cats on the planet. This thing is not a puma. In any way, that stands for Personal Urban Mobility and Accessibility. And they say that the GPS system in there is going to prevent this from heading anywhere. You don't have to drive it, you have to sit there and be cool, calm, collected. It's going to miss everything.

It sees a pedestrian, sees a car, it's going to miss them. What I want to know is what's going to stop a car from running into it? This is the dumbest thing I have ever heard.

If you're going to drive around in this, I guarantee you, you are going to need kneepads. You'll need them. Have you seen the picture of this? Well, you know what a Segway is -- the stand-up thing? Imagine with a little bubble on top of it, with a little leg room in front to just sit down.

You're going to need kneepads. These are hopped-up wheelchairs. And since you're going to need kneepads, this would be the perfect thing for Monica Lewinsky to endorse as a product -- maybe Lewinsky and Clinton together as a means of spreading the word, shall we say, on the new PUMA.

[...]

LIMBAUGH: He said that the Islamic faith has done so much over the centuries to shape the world, including in my own country. Well, I think 9-11 did have a big shaping factor here. The Twin Towers are gone. The Pentagon had a hole in it. Three thousand people are dead. That did reshape America.

What in the world is he talking about? Has he ever heard of Iran? Has he ever heard of Hamas? Has he ever heard of -- seriously hear what these leaders of these nations who are Islamic, does he hear what they are saying?

Clips from this hour:

Limbaugh: Obama said that "the Islamic faith has done so much over the centuries to shape the world, including my own country. ... I don't know what other than 9-11 he's talking about"

Limbaugh continues his stock market analysis: "The markets know Obama's coming back and so the markets are plummeting"

This hour of the Limbaugh Wire brought to you by the PUMA and its Sidewinder missiles
By Simon Maloy

Top of the second hour, Rush got it started by reading from a Bloomberg article reporting that "[c]onfidence among U.S. chief executive officers retreated in the first quarter to the lowest level in at least seven years." According to Rush, confidence is down because CEOs have to wear Kevlar vests after being targeted as "evil" by the government. But, in a rare fit of optimism, Rush claimed that the U.S. economy will recover in spite of the stimulus spending, even though it will be credited for the turnaround.

From there it was back to Obama in Turkey, saying that the United States does not consider itself "a Christian nation or a Jewish nation or a Muslim nation. We consider ourselves a nation of citizens who are bound by ideals and a set of values." What ideals and values, asked Rush. The ideals and values Obama espoused on this trip, according to Rush, are not the ideals and values in the Constitution. Expanding on that point: "When the people of Iowa uniformly reject gay marriage but the Supreme Court of Iowa unanimously says, 'Screw you. We're going to make it legal,' whose set of values triumph here? The values of a dictatorship, i.e. a court, or the values of the citizens? What are these values that bind us?" Anyway, this all goes back to Rush's theory that Obama's upbringing and mentors have led him to believe that America "needs to be cut down to size."

Back from the break, Rush took a call from a woman who encouraged everyone not be fooled by Obama, because she just got back from Turkey and they are very Muslim. Rush noted that Turkey, as a NATO member, is "ostensibly" an ally, but they're not important. What's important is that Obama is going around apologizing for America -- Rush doesn't care what words he uses, he's apologizing. "It's about Obama. And Obama is a liberal and liberals do think the United States is guilty by definition and they want to be respected by Europeans and others around the world who are considered more worldly because they have accents and they've been around longer than we have." Rush proclaimed that the interests of the United States have not been represented by Obama. Just the opposite, in fact: "For his own benefit, he has sought to tell the people, wherever he's speaking, that he agrees with them, that their country -- his country, the United States -- I don't think he's talking Kenya here -- the United States is responsible for most of the problems in the world."

Another break, and Rush came back with another caller, this one disagreeing with Rush's bashing of the Segway/GM PUMA. The caller explained that he has a visual disability, and an autonomous vehicle could be very useful to people like him. Rush was unconvinced. He called the whole thing a case of "false hope," like John Edwards purportedly saying in 2004 that Christopher Reeve would walk again if America elected John Kerry. After a brief detour into stem cells and Oprah, Rush put on his scientist hat to explain to us all why a vehicle that can never crash is a bad idea. He asked us to imagine that every car in New York possessed technology that prevented it from hitting other cars or being hit. If one car swerved to avoid an accident, according to Rush, that would cause a catastrophic chain reaction in which 13,000 other cars would swerve and you'd have a six-block-long crash. We were tempted to bust out our protractor and slide rule to test that theory, but Rush shifted gears, dismissing the Segway/GM PUMA as yet another in a long line of assaults on your personal liberty.

Another break and Rush was still going on about the PUMA, suggesting that the best idea might be to equip the thing with missiles. Then a caller temporarily distracted Rush by asking why he thought Donald Trump was such a big Obama supporter. Rush offered some thoughts as to why this might have been. We're not going to bother reporting them because the underlying premise is flat wrong. Donald Trump endorsed John McCain in the 2008 election.

But, as we said, the distraction was only temporary. Rush closed out the hour by claiming that the PUMA is not designed to help the disabled -- it's designed to handicap the rest of us.

Highlights from Hour 2

Outrageous comments

LIMBAUGH: When the people of Iowa uniformly reject gay marriage but the Supreme Court of Iowa unanimously says, "Screw you. We're going to make it legal," whose set of values triumph here? The values of a dictatorship, i.e. a court, or the values of the citizens? What are these values that bind us?

[...]

LIMBAUGH: He's going around apologizing. I don't care what the words he uses are. He is going around -- he says, "I'm sorry for what the United States has done. I'm sorry for what it's been. I'm sorry for what the United States has said."

He is clearly going around the world with the assumption the United States is guilty, and he's trying to buy goodwill for himself with all of these people by saying he understands that and agrees with them. This is all about Obama. This is not about Turkey. It's not about France. It's not about the European Union. It's not about any -- or it's not about NATO. It's not about the G20.

It's about Obama. And Obama is a liberal and liberals do think the United States is guilty by definition and they want to be respected by Europeans and others around the world who are considered more worldly because they have accents and they've been around longer than we have.

[...]

LIMBAUGH: I would maintain to you that U.S. interests have not been represented here, that the president has not made the case for U.S. interests, but just the opposite. For his own benefit, he has sought to tell the people, wherever he's speaking, that he agrees with them, that their country -- his country, the United States -- I don't think he's talking Kenya here -- the United States is responsible for most of the problems in the world.

This hour of the Limbaugh Wire brought to you by the naïve Obama-Reagan-AP anti-nuke conspiracy
By Simon Maloy

El Rushbo got the final hour started by returning to the Pew poll, claiming that the wide partisan gap in the results shows that this is a bipolar country, and that the people on the right who say conservatism needs to be reformed are dead wrong. According to Rush, the Tea Parties -- which, unlike Earth Hour or the Segway PUMA, are in no way a threat to your individuality -- represent the fact that the conservative and Republican movements are without leaders who are willing to stand up for conservatism, so common people are taking the initiative on their own. None of this will be reported by the media, though, because, as Rush has often explained, they're too invested in Obama, and keep reporting that everyone loves Obama even though that is "a giant myth."

Back from the break, a caller asked Rush about Defense Secretary Robert Gates' recently unveiled budget for the military. Rush said Gates' approach is: "We're going to go high-tech. We're going to get more intel, and we're going to -- we don't need the F-22." Now, first of all, Rush might be the only person in the world who would suggest that the F-22 Raptor does not qualify as "high-tech." Secondly, he has it exactly backwards about Gates -- as The Washington Post put it, the budget "highlights Gates's long-stated desire to increase spending on surveillance systems and other relatively low-tech weapons that are best suited for guerrilla or irregular war, which has traditionally been an industry backwater." Rush went on to quip: "This is just Obama. Democrats do two things: They raise taxes and cut defense." In reality, Obama is increasing defense spending.

Rush went on to reprise his theory that Russian and Iranian leaders are loving Obama because he's surrendered the country's "moral ... authority" in calling for an end to nuclear weapons. According to Rush, Obama is "the spitting image of Neville Chamberlain," resurrecting a tired attack from the '08 campaign.

Another break, and Rush returned to a feisty, self-identified Republican caller who faulted Rush for the GOP's losses in 2008 -- specifically "Operation Chaos" and Rush's ongoing dismissal of torture. Rush, according to the caller, is a "brainwashed Nazi." Well, that obviously didn't sit too well with Rush, who responded: "Barack Obama is president of the United States today because of stupid, ignorant people who think like you do."

Then it was time for another caller, this one considerably more friendly, asking Rush about some sort of $80 billion tax on the oil industry. Rush didn't really know what she was talking about, but assumed it to be true, saying that the real threat was from cap-and-trade, but that appears to be on the wayside at the moment. Rush once again offered up his theory that the Obama administration is purposefully raising gas prices to impel Americans to buy smaller cars.

One more break and Rush returned with a few barbs for the AP, attacking this analysis that described Obama's no-nukes initiative as "not so farfetched." Rush said this betrayed breathtaking naiveté on the part of the AP, and only reinforced his belief that the leaders of Russia and China were ecstatic at Obama's election because "they know" that "liberals in this country ... believe all of the Soviet communist propaganda that was put out for 40 years: It's the U.S.' fault." It should be pointed out that in reading from the AP analysis, Rush carefully avoided the portion in which it discussed Ronald Reagan's "dream of eliminating nuclear weapons," which the Gipper advanced "at a 1986 summit with Soviet President [sic] Mikhail Gorbachev and the two leaders agreed to pursue that goal."

The show ended the only way it could have -- with some more bashing of the PUMA. A caller phoned in to agree with Rush's declaration that the purpose of the vehicle was to handicap the able-bodied, and Rush said this whole situation is identical to when he lashed out at the Sierra Club in 1995 when they protested the SUV.

Well, that's it for today's Wire. We're not sure that the hours spent today on the PUMA were a significant step up from bondage jokes and Princess Fluffy Bunny, but we've three more days to get things moving in a positive direction. We're nothing if not eternal optimists... Anyway, we'll see you tomorrow. As always, we encourage you to visit the Limbaugh Library, helpfully provided and maintained by Media Matters for America.

Highlights from Hour 3

Outrageous comments

LIMBAUGH: Do you realize the moral leadership or authority we have surrendered in claiming we can't stop the Iranians. We can't stop -- do you realize how much is being repeated? I'm going to tell you who Obama is in world history: Neville Chamberlain. He is the spitting image of Neville Chamberlain. Neville Chamberlain was as popular as Obama when he got back from visiting Hitler.

[...]

LIMBAUGH: They think we're fools for electing Obama already. I guarantee you that the mullahs, and [Vladimir] Putin, and [Dmitry] Medvedev, and Hu Jintao in China celebrated the day Obama got elected because they know what liberals in this country believe. They believe all of the Soviet communist propaganda that was put out for 40 years: It's the U.S.' fault. That's why he's going to be applauded. That's why I told you he is applauded. He's applauded over there. These people hope he means it. They're going to try to hold him to it.

America's Truth Rejector

Rush falsely suggested Obama cut defense spending:

LIMBAUGH: I would rather put the cuts in Defense where they belong. I mean, you can blame the Chi-coms all you want, but it's Barack Obama ordering them, right? Well, who cares why? If Obama -- he's cutting the expansion of defense systems.

The secretary of Defense, Robert Gates, who is a holdover from the Bush administration, says, "Yeah, well, we don't really need all these anymore. We're going to go high-tech. We're going to get more intel, and we're going to -- we don't need the F-22. We don't need this. We don't need that." We don't need the new Navy destroyers, cruisers -- whatever the hell they are.

This is just Obama. Democrats do two things: They raise taxes and cut defense.

Vox populi

LIMBAUGH: Charles, Barack Obama is president of the United States today because of stupid, ignorant people who think like you do. You pose -- you and your ignorance are the most expensive commodity this country has. You think you know everything. You don't know diddly-squat. You call me a Nazi? You call me somebody who supports torture and you want credibility on this program? You know, you're just plain embarrassing and ludicrous.

Clips from this hour:

Caller criticizes Limbaugh, Hannity, etal, on torture: "It's like you're all brainwashed"

Limbaugh: "The Mullahs and Putin and Medvedev and Hu Jintao in China celebrated the day Obama got elected" because they know liberals believe old Soviet propaganda

Limbaugh: "I'm going to tell you who Obama is in world history: Neville Chamberlain"