This hour of the Limbaugh Wire brought to you by Rush Limbaugh, casting director
By Simon Maloy

Happy Monday. Welcome back for another week of Limbaugh Wiring. Let's get cracking.

Rush wasted no time telling us that he was congratulating Obama for his "cool hand" in enacting the daring rescue of Captain Richard Phillips from the Somali pirates. Being more snide and sarcastic than even we thought possible, Rush pointed to an ABC News report that a White House official told George Stephanopoulos that the whole ordeal "would make a great movie," announcing that he had a preliminary idea for what that movie would look like. Going off his working title "President Obama Turns on Somali Counterparts," Rush says "President Obama rose to the occasion and saw to it that the Somali merchant marine organizers would not get away with the same tactics that the domestic American organizers get away with."

Rush then ran through the casting list for his movie -- Will Smith as President Obama and as the SEAL team captain. The pirates will be played by Sarah Palin, Eric Cantor, Mitt Romney, Bobby Jindal, Mike Pence, and Rush himself, and in their lifeboat will be a whole bunch of tea. Get it? Like the tea parties! We hope he can write in Glenn Beck somehow. Anyway, there's also "Deep Parrot" in the movie, a White House official leaking everything to the media so they'll credit Obama in their reports.

As an example of such a report, Rush aired NBC's Chuck Todd saying that one negative aspect of this whole situation is that Somalia's instability has now been brought to the forefront, and back in the '90s it was Somalia that brought about the first negative foreign policy story for Bill Clinton. Rush said he couldn't remember those negative stories. A quick Nexis search would have refreshed that memory -- take this line from an October 9, 1993, front-page New York Times article: "Like many Americans -- a majority, according to polls -- Mr. Bright, an emergency health care administrator, has doubts about American involvement in Somalia and President Clinton's handling of the situation."

Anyway, Rush proclaimed that Captain Phillips will be portrayed as a hero just like Captain Sullenberger was for safely landing a plane in the Hudson River, only this time Obama will be portrayed as a "co-pilot." According to Rush, the media and the "left" now love the military because it did something that made Obama look good.

After the break, Rush professed to be upset at those out there who were still being obstinate and not giving all the credit to Obama for the rescue, such as the crew of the hijacked ship for faulting the military for not showing up soon enough. Rush suggested that in this era of economic crisis, the shipping company be made to pay the costs of the rescue operations, or that the Obama administration just take over the company. El Rushbo then went after the AP for reporting that pirates have vowed retaliation over the U.S. military operation, claiming that this is the mentality that the left and the media displayed during Iraq -- we're just creating more terrorists. Getting back into character, Rush said that some elements of society will just never be satisfied now matter how brilliantly Obama acts.

Then Rush aired audio of Obama speaking at the Department of Transportation this morning expressing his pride the military and lauding the courage of Captain Phillips. Rush said Obama was just being humble -- Obama knows that this was all his doing. Rush then took his first caller, who didn't quite understand what Rush was trying to get at (extreme cynicism can have that effect). Rush tried to explain without giving it away entirely, but to no avail. His next caller was quite upset that The Boston Globe reported that the Navy "killed" the pirates. Neither we nor Rush could figure out why he was upset at this, though Rush explained this was an effort on the part of the Globe to "save" themselves from going under.

One more caller before the break, this one wondering when the SEALs involved in the operation will be dragged before a Democratic House subcommittee to answer for killing the pirates. Rush responded by pointing out the Rep. Donald Payne's (D-NJ) plane came under mortar fire from rebels in Mogadishu, saying: "This sort of puzzled me. I don't know why community organizers in Somalia would fire on a fellow community organizer from the United States like Congressman Payne. For all they know, they could like the guy if they just had a sit-down with him."

Closing out the hour, Rush took one more call, this one from a woman encouraging El Rushbo that, unlike that earlier caller, she understood what was going on behind Rush's praise of Obama. Rush thanked her, explaining why he was feeling a "low-grade depression" about the media coverage of the pirate rescue: "It will result in a series of stories about bravery and military success with Obama as the key player. And these approval numbers that will result from this reporting will be used as proof ... that Americans are totally on board for Obama's liberty-depleting domestic power grabs." After falsely claiming that "the military budget is being cut," Rush concluded: "These heroes are being and will be used to advance a domestic agenda of hard leftism. Returning Captain Phillips' liberty will be used to take away portions of ours."

Highlights from Hour 1

Outrageous comments

LIMBAUGH: I have an idea -- preliminary idea here on the movie that will be made by Hollywood that will immortalize this brilliant episode in American foreign policy led by President Obama. I don't -- we don't have a working title of this movie. I've been thinking about "President Obama Turns On Somali Counterparts." The merchant marine organizers, the Somali version of ACORN, and yet President Obama rose to the occasion and saw to it that the Somali merchant marine organizers would not get away with the same tactics that the domestic American organizers get away with.

[...]

LIMBAUGH: In Mogadishu, U.S. Congressman Donald Payne, who is a member of the Congressional Black Caucus, is on some kind of fact-finding tour, and today it was reported that land-based Somali pirates launched mortar fire at his location. He was unhurt. This sort of puzzled me. I don't know why community organizers in Somalia would fire on a fellow community organizer from the United States like Congressman Payne. For all they know, they could like the guy if they just had a sit-down with him.

[...]

LIMBAUGH: I have a low-grade depression that underlies all of this as I expose myself to this puking reporting by the drive-by media. Politico, New York Times, Washington Post have chosen the headline "Obama saves day," "Obama --" whatever, giving Obama all of the credit for this, and I know --- I know why Obama is being tied to this as if he is the lead and the man who made it all happen ,and not the heroes who were directly involved. This result, this wonderful result, folks, is going to result in raising Obama's approval ratings. That's what all of this is about. It'll result in a series of stories about bravery and military success with Obama as the key player. And these approval numbers that will result from this reporting will be used as proof -- or as Lanny Davis would say, "poof" -- that Americans are totally on board for Obama's liberty-depleting domestic power grabs. While we're all celebrating the end of the day for these Somali pirates, we still have to deal with the Beltway pirates who are looking to take $10 trillion from us over the next few generations, and that's going to be done with high approval ratings generated by this kind of puking reporting. Of course we'll have socialized medicine -- look at Obama's approval numbers. Of course we'll have card check and cap-and trade-down the road -- look at Obama's approval -- you haven't seen his approval ratings? The American people want everything they can get from this guy. If critical thinking were in play -- I don't care. They can report that Obama took out all three criminals on his own. They can say whatever they want, but this incredible demonstration of bravery and skill by the military is going to be used to advance a domestic agenda, including the gutting of the military. While all of the military is being praised to heaven here, guess what's happening in Washington? The military budget is being cut. These heroes are being and will be used to advance a domestic agenda of hard leftism. Returning Captain Phillips' liberty will be used to take away portions of ours.

Clips from this hour:

Limbaugh: "I ... was confident this was going to get settled. It was going to be resolved one way or the other way and regardless how, President Obama was going to be given credit for it"

Limbaugh on Rep. Payne coming under attack in Mogadishu: I don't know why community organizers in Somalia would fire on a fellow community organizer"

This hour of the Limbaugh Wire brought to you by Roger Ailes' water volleyball extravaganzas
By Simon Maloy

Kicking off the second hour, Rush proclaimed that his prediction from the previous hour -- that media reports of the pirate rescue will be used to drive up Obama's poll numbers, which will be used to justify liberty-curtailing domestic policies -- has already come true. His evidence? Obama saying that the Department of Transportation today: "Now, as we work to ensure America's safety out on the seas, I want to discuss what we're doing to restore economic security here at home -- to revitalize our nation's infrastructure and create good jobs across America." That was quick -- we didn't even know there was polling out yet. But perhaps polling and segues are interchangeable in this theory.

After some brief attacks on the stimulus package, Rush returned to a story from last week, the commander of the USS Cole saying pirates are "criminals," not "terrorists," who have an effective "business model." Rush said he received an e-mail from a man in Ohio who had resolved to get into piracy after hearing that it's such a good business, but was discouraged after seeing that the pirates holding Captain Phillips were killed this weekend. According to Rush, "another entrepreneur cut short by the Obama administration."

After the break, Rush ranted on the New York tax increases for a while, claiming that they'll turn the state into even more of a "catastrophe" than it already is. Then he took a call from a man objecting to Rush's "sarcastic" praise of Obama. Rush couldn't understand what "sarcasm" he was talking about: "I don't understand what your beef with me is. This was President Obama's show, and the drive-by media is saying so. He gave the order to shoot." According to Rush: "We've got an active commander in chief like we've never had before. He's giving the shooting orders. I mean, not even Lyndon Johnson ordered specific people to fire. Obama has done it. You know, Johnson and McNamara might have ordered some bombing raids but they didn't call a pirate and say 'Drop them now.' Obama ordered -- you just said it. Obama ordered the SEALs to shoot." We've given up on trying to guess when Rush is being sarcastic and when he's being serious, so we'll just cite something to demonstrate simply that he's wrong. So, Politico, take it away: "President Barack Obama issued a standing order to use force against pirates holding an American captain hostage -- including giving a Navy commander the authority to act if he believed the captain's life was in danger, two senior defense officials said Sunday night."

Rush's next caller said the story he told about the would-be pirate from Ohio was not funny, and that he thinks Rush is upset because the pirate situation "worked out" and nothing Obama does will make him happy. Rush got back into character, saying he wasn't upset -- he's been praising Obama's brilliance all day! The caller said Rush is "out of his mind," and Rush called him a member of the "incorrigible left," saying that no matter what you say, you can't please "the left."

After another break Rush came back and read with great delight a Minneapolis Star Tribune story on how "the self-esteem movement of the 1980s did kids a disservice." Rush said he had been warning all of us for 20 years about "the self-esteem movement," explaining that he got into an argument about it with a woman during a water volleyball party at Roger Ailes' house in the early '90s. We wanted to hear more about these pool parties at Ailes' house, but Rush returned to the self-esteem movement, tying it to an unfortunate story out of Berlin, in which a woman leapt into a polar bear enclosure and was subsequently mauled before being rescued. Rush blamed this on Al Gore: "I can tell you why she jumped in there. She has either seen Al Gore's movie of stranded polar bears on fake, fading glaciers, or she has just become overwhelmed with all the stories about polar bears and she's seen little pictures of baby Knut and she wanted to jump in."

Rush took another call after the break, this one suspecting that "they" will use the success of the pirate operation to say Obama is no Jimmy Carter. Rush said the Jimmy Carter comparison isn't about foreign policy, it's about the "economic malaise which is coming" under Obama's domestic policies. Carter, according to Limbaugh, is another victim of the "self-esteem movement," because he was the country's worst president, and yet the left keeps telling him what a good job he did, to the point that he was awarded a Nobel Prize.

Rounding out the hour, Rush took one more call from a man claiming that Obama kept quiet on Friday and Saturday about the pirate situation so he could disavow everything in the media if things went awry. Rush didn't think it would have played out that way because the media can't report that Obama "failed." If things had gone badly, according to Rush, the blame would have been affixed to Captain Phillips, or the military for disobeying Obama's brilliant strategy.

Highlights from Hour 2

Outrageous comments

LIMBAUGH: I blame the vice president -- the former vice president, Al Gore, for this. Did you see -- have you seen videotape of the zoo in the -- the Berlin Zoo where this woman jumps in the polar bear section? She jumped in the water. She jumped in a pond in the polar bear enclosure at the Berlin Zoo, and I have a picture. If you haven't seen the video, I'm going to show you a picture here on the dittocam. I'm going to zoom in -- zoom in. There you see the woman being mauled by the polar bear. Now, it is not Knut the polar bear. He -- they say he would never attack a human, although he would; he's a polar bear. They had to distract Knut with food. One time a woman got into Knut's camp and he was making a beeline for her and they threw a whole bunch of beef in there, and he, of course, got distracted by that. The intruder, the woman was attacked just yards away from Knut, the abandoned bear who became famous around the world. Zookeepers managed to push the bear away and they carried the woman from the cage. The mauling took place inside an enclosure occupied by four polar bears not far from Knut's home. Heiner Kloes, a Berlin Zoo spokesman, said the enclosure is surrounded by a fence, a line of prickly hedges, and a wall. It did not stop this woman. She jumped in there. Why? Because she wanted to pet the polar bear. I can tell you why she jumped in there. She has either seen Al Gore's movie of stranded polar bears on fake, fading glaciers, or she has just become overwhelmed with all the stories about polar bears and she's seen little pictures of baby Knut and she wanted to jump in.

America's Truth Rejector

Falsely claimed Obama "ordered specific people to fire" during the pirate operation:

CALLER: I just wanted to make a comment. You've been praising with your sarcastic saying he made the decision to give the orders to shoot. All he did was basically give the order to shoot if the situation concluded where --

LIMBAUGH: Wait, wait, wait a second. Sarcasm saying he made this big decision to give the orders to shoot? All he did was give the orders to shoot? That's what I said. And ABC News reported at the top of the hour Obama gave the order to shoot.

CALLER: That's the only thing he did, though. You're making it sound like, oh, between the media and everyone else, it was his major job. The Navy did their job, everybody did their little job. Even the captain that was captured did his job. He allowed the shooters to shoot the victim. I call them victims since they were pirates. That way, I mean, he can't be too interactive. I mean, that's why there's a military. I mean, yeah, it's not their job to police the waters and everything else, but these ships don't carry guns or ammos, and if they start putting them on, then they have to start being inspected at every port in which they go. All we're doing -- and we're not like the other countries paying out ransom money to terrorists. You can call them pirates. You can call them terrorists.

LIMBAUGH: Exactly right. I don't understand what your beef with me is. This was President Obama's show, and the drive-by media is saying so. He gave the order to shoot. Can you tell me at what point did George Bush order any snipers to fire in Iraq or Afghanistan?

CALLER: He ordered them into Afghanistan and --

LIMBAUGH: It doesn't -- of course he ordered them in there, but I want to know, when did George Bush call up Petraeus and say "Have Private First Class Schultz fire"? When did that happen? We've got an active commander in chief like we've never had before. He's giving the shooting orders. I mean, not even Lyndon Johnson ordered specific people to fire. Obama has done it. You know, Johnson and McNamara might have ordered some bombing raids, but they didn't call a pirate and say "Drop them now." Obama ordered -- you just said it. He ordered the SEALs to shoot.

CALLER: When he was in danger and not until he was in danger. They were trying to resolve it peacefully. The pirates were wanting their money.

LIMBAUGH: That's what you say.

CALLER: The U.S. does not give money up for terrorists or pirates or whatever.

LIMBAUGH: That's what you say, but the drive by media is reporting -- it was in the ABC News at the top of the hour: Obama gave the order to shoot. He did not issue an order to say shoot when it's OK. He gave the order to shoot. That's what they're saying. We've got an active, involved commander in chief.

Clips from this hour:

Limbaugh: "Returning Captain Phillips liberty will be used to take away portions of ours"

Limbaugh blames Al Gore for woman being mauled by polar bear after jumping into animal's enclosure at zoo

This hour of the Limbaugh Wire brought to you by the entitlement mentality shared by pirates, American citizens, and illegal immigrants
By Simon Maloy

Top of the final hour, and Rush reassured his listeners who are concerned about the congratulatory tone that he's adopting towards Obama regarding the pirates. All will be revealed, said Rush, but first he had to bludgeon us all over the head with the premise again, proclaiming that he was going to be the first to credit Obama for ordering Captain Phillips to surrender himself to the pirates so that the rest of the crew will be released. Rush brought this up because people were emailing him asking what was wrong with Snerdley -- why were all these callers getting through who were attacking Rush? Rush explained that it is his responsibility to praise Obama when he does these wonderful things, and that the people calling in to yell at him are Obama supporters. Don't be confused by the calls, Rush said, because he and his staff are professionals and everything the audience hears is what they want them to hear.

After a quick break, Rush came back to criticize Newsweek, again, for reporting last week on the "End of Christian America." This was belied, said Rush, by a Rasmussen poll which found "that 88% of adults nationwide think the person known to history as Jesus Christ actually walked the earth 2,000 years ago." We're not theologians, but neither is Rush, so we're not entirely convinced that undercuts Newsweek's argument, which was that "the Christian God" is "less of a force in American politics and culture than at any other time in recent memory."

Anyway, Rush then took a call from a woman her professed her love for El Rushbo's "big, juicy brain." After we stopped convulsing, we tuned back in to hear her actual question, which dealt with NBC's Jim Miklaszewski asking at a press conference whether Obama gave the order to fire at the moment the shots were taken in the pirate rescue. Rush and the woman seemed to not quite understand what the other was saying, but they nonetheless agreed that the question was outrageous. Rush said Miklaszewski asked this question because he was seeking a "yes," which would have added the aura of brilliance around Obama.

This led Rush to open up his thoughts and reflections to us on what the pirates were saying, specifically their anger that the United States killed three pirates. They're disappointing Rush because they "actually sound like they're entitled. Rush continued: "These people have an entitlement mentality. I could have sworn that they are originally Americans who maybe fled. Maybe they were illegal immigrants or something who got here, come here with an entitlement mentality, didn't like it, fled the scene because Republicans drove them out of the country in the last election, so they went over to Somalia and started pirating things. Because they have the attitude of entitlement just like a lot of American citizens do." Chief among these entitled American privateers are the "Beltway pirates" who are "led by Pelosi and Reid." And Barney Frank. We can't forget Barney Frank. Nothing bad in the Limbaugh universe ever happens without the assistance -- real or invented -- of Barney Frank. Or ACORN. (As an aside, Rush was also disappointed that the pirates were less like Captain Hook and the characters in Pirates of the Caribbean.)

Another break and Rush came back noting that one pirate had been taken into American custody, which means that he'll have to be detained somewhere. Rush offered up "Club Gitmo" as a suggestion, but also thought that since this is a "man of the sea," we might want to "debrief" the pirate at a North Carolina Red Lobster, where he then might get a job. Moving on, Rush noted that Bloomberg is reporting that the military "is considering attacks on pirate bases on land and aid for the Somali people to help stem ship hijackings off Africa's east coast," and that the proposals entail helping "the fledgling Somalia government to train security forces and develop its own coast guard." According to Rush, that sounds like "nation-building," and "exactly" like what Bush wanted to do in Iraq... We feel as though we shouldn't have to explain the myriad differences between Iraq and this proposal for Somalia, so we won't. We'll just stick to one key difference: No one is proposing that we invade Somalia. Anyway, Rush attacked Bloomberg, saying that it's "BS" for them to report that the military came with this plan. It's Obama, said Rush. He's the one who came up with it, and the only thing missing from the article is an explanation of Obama's exit strategy. We refer you to our observation above.

Leading into the final break, Rush got into an extended discussion with a caller who essentially asked Rush to explain exactly what he was doing with today's show -- what does he mean when he says we hear what we want him to hear, why was he sarcastically praising Obama, why he was so determinedly trying to sow division, etc. Rush said it was up to her to decide whether or not he was being sarcastic in his praise of Obama. To help her in that decision, he reiterated that he's been totally supportive of Obama, saying he was praising him to the hilt and that's just not enough for Obama supporters, who still think he's being mean. If you thought the routine was old in the first five minutes, it was no fresher in the final ten. Anyway, he wanted to continue talking with the woman tomorrow because she is, in Rush's view, "a teachable moment."

After the final break, Rush came back with one more call, this from a man explaining that because Obama ordered the use of force against the pirates, who Hillary Clinton described as "criminals," then he might be open now to prosecution because he's responsible for the deaths of civilians from another sovereign nation. Rush explained that Obama was actually "flipping the bird" to the international community in acting without their assistance to resolve the pirate hostage situation. He did this, according to Rush, because they "embarrassed" him on his European tour.

Well, that's it for this Monday. And after sitting through today's show, it's our fervent hope that the week can only get better from here. Thanks for reading, and, as always, please take a look at Media Matters' highly informative and entertaining Limbaugh coverage.

Highlights from Hour 3

Outrageous comments

LIMBAUGH: By the way, I did -- and I have been paying some attention to what these pirates, the merchant marine organizers have been saying. You know, these people are mad. They're mad that three of them have, you know, met with Davy Jones now. And when I listen to these pirates, these Somali merchant marine organizers, you know, these pirates, they used to know they were bad people. Have you ever watched Pirates of the Caribbean with Johnny Depp? I mean, these are mean, rotten people. I mean, these -- like Bluebeard, Redbeard, Blackbeard, Captain Hook. These were -- these were terrorists. These were bad, bad guys. They didn't care what they smelled like, looked like, thought -- they did nothing. They took their bounty and they ran around and they terrorized. When a pirate ship was pulling into port, the women and children fled.

Now, these pirates are kind of disappointing me. The Somali merchant marine organizers actually sound like they're entitled. Their feelings are hurt. They think they're entitled to these ransoms that are being paid, and I get the impression listening to them that they expect to be told, "Good job, pirate. Good job." They're acting -- they're acting offended as hell here that our captain was rescued by our president, ordered by the Navy SEALs to rescue, and they didn't get the ransom as though they're entitled to it. These people have an entitlement mentality. I could have sworn that they are originally Americans who maybe fled. Maybe they were illegal immigrants or something who got here, come here with an entitlement mentality, didn't like it, fled the scene because Republicans drove them out of the country in the last election, so they went over to Somalia and started pirating things. Because they have the attitude of entitlement just like a lot of American citizens do. We've got -- we've got -- call them what they want to call themselves -- we've got the Somali pirates and the Beltway pirates. The Beltway pirates are led by Pelosi and Reid. The Beltway pirates, I tell you -- you think $2 million? That's chump change. The Beltway pirates are demanding a $10 trillion ransom not just from us, but from our kids and our grandkids and their grandkids.

Clips from this hour:

Limbaugh: Somali pirates have "entitlement mentality. I could have sworn they were originally Americans"; speculates "maybe they were illegal immigrants"