This hour of the Limbaugh Wire brought to you by the nonexistent war on everyday conservatives
By Simon Maloy

As we were listening to yesterday's show we were trying to think what El Rushbo reminded us of as he effusively and sarcastically praised President Obama's role in resolving the pirate hostage situation, and then fervently denied he was "attacking" Obama when his listeners called him out on it: "I want to know, you're listening today, off and on, in and out. I have praised President Obama today." Then it hit us -- it was like a child in the backseat of a station wagon on a family trip, sticking his finger mere centimeters from his brother's face and declaring: "I'm not touching you. I'm not touching you. You can't get mad at me because I'm not touching you."

Rush continued his sarcastic antics today, kicking off the show by attacking Obama's speech on the economy at Georgetown University, calling it "brilliant" about two dozen times. Rush said Obama blamed everyone for the economic crisis on "everyone but the Democrat Party," that the speech was loaded with "straw-man arguments," and that while Obama "trashed AIG" several times he only "made a show" of blaming Fannie and Freddie which wasn't "sincere." But despite all the "brilliance," Rush said that in the second half Obama was "starting to slide into the BS" in claiming that the G-20 summit was a success. It wasn't a success, Rush retorted, but because the media reported it that way, then it must be so.

From there, Rush launched into his latest conspiracy theory -- specifically that Obama's speech on the economy and a recently declassified report from the Department of Homeland Security on "rightwing extremism" were "timed for one reason, and that's the tea parties tomorrow." According to Rush, "this speech is designed to totally blunt the tea parties which are grass roots affairs that will happen all over America tomorrow." Now, we doubt this is true, largely because we're confident that the administration knows what we do -- the tea partiers don't need any outside help in looking ridiculous.

Rush continued to harp on the DHS report, claiming that it is a partisan hit job that portrays any conservatism as right-wing extremism, adding: "So what you have here, you have a report from Janet Napolitano and Barack Obama Department of Homeland Security portraying standard, ordinary, everyday conservatives as posing a bigger threat to this country than Al Qaeda terrorists or genuine enemies of this country like Kim Jong-Il." Now, this is important, and it has to be made clear: the DHS report is not talking about everyday conservatives. It makes very clear that the "right-wing extremists" they're talking about are white supremacists, militias, and "violent antigovernment groups." Not Rush Limbaugh, not Club for Growth, not the Republican National Committee.

It's important to make this clear because Limbaugh, after praising Texas Gov. Rick Perry for supporting a resolution reaffirming Texas' "sovereignty" and "states' rights," returned to the report, saying: "Wouldn't it be nice if the liberals of America actually acknowledged our real enemies the way they acknowledge conservatives?" According to Rush: "And yet, when you read what a typical leftist like Obama or Janet Napolitano put together in this Department of Homeland Security report, you conclude none other -- nothing else than they are extreme partisan radicals and they're ready to go to war with a domestic enemy, conservatives that they consider to be a greater threat than Iran, than China, than North Korea, than Venezuela, Russia or any other nation that threatens the United States." That's pretty inflammatory stuff from Limbaugh, and it's just not borne out by what the report actually says.

Rush then made good on a promise, returning to a caller from yesterday who was exasperated at Rush's attempts to divide the nation. Rush lectured her that hope is not a substitute for action. He then asked her if she heard him talking about the DHS report on people like Rush "forming militias." Again, that is not what the report says. Not even close. Nonetheless, after the break Rush took another caller who shared his outrage at the DHS report, saying that she, as a conservative, was going to start wearing a T-shirt reading "right-wing extremist." Rush said to the caller that the report shows that the Obama administration "consider people like you to be a greater enemy than genuine threats to our freedom and existence." Again -- and we have to say it again -- that is not what the report says.

Rush closed out the hour advising Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano not to close the Guantánamo Bay prison, because they're going to need it to house all the conservatives they're going to arrest as extremists.

Highlights from Hour 1

Outrageous comments

LIMBAUGH: It's this Department of Homeland Security report. It's nine pages. I've got the PDF here. And by the way, this speech of Obama's and the DHS report yesterday are timed for one reason, and that's the tea parties tomorrow. This speech -- the primary purpose of this speech is to take any glow off the tea parties. The media is going to report on this speech later on in the afternoon and tell you how great the economy's doing, how on top of it Obama is, how it's going to be a little while before it rebounds but it's coming back, and then -- and having used that as the setup, they'll then go to videotape of the tea parties where they'll try to mock what's going on with these people -- just agitators with no real reason behind what they're doing. So this speech is designed to totally blunt the tea parties, which are grassroots affairs that will happen all over America tomorrow.

[...]

LIMBAUGH: So what you have here, you have a report from Janet Napolitano and Barack Obama Department of Homeland Security portraying standard, ordinary, everyday conservatives as posing a bigger threat to this country than Al Qaeda terrorists or genuine enemies of this country like Kim Jong-Il. They wouldn't write anything about Kim Jong-Il like this. They wouldn't write anything about Obama -- Osama bin Laden. Don't forget, this is the same bunch that -- the same bunch that once referred -- well, not referred, suggested or -- yeah, they did, they suggested the speech code in which references to jihad and Islamofascism were to be purged. We were not to discuss terrorism with those words. It was not to be discussed in the country. It was not to be discussed in the government. And so the same people who wanted to purge references to jihad and Islamofascism are now out with this report, which is a genuine hit job on standard, run-of-the-mill, mainstream ordinary Americans.

[...]

LIMBAUGH: In light of all that's happening, Obama's speech on the economy justifying the basic destruction of the U.S. free market, which is what the speech is. Only way to describe it, the justification of the destruction of capitalism, the free market as we've known it. And this inflammatory report from the Department of Homeland Security calling mainstream conservatives right-wing extremists, militia members, tarring and feathering returning veterans as becoming right-wing extremists.

[...]

LIMBAUGH: You look at this DHS report -- we've made comment on this before. Wouldn't it be nice if the liberals of America actually acknowledged our real enemies the way they acknowledge conservatives? I mean, the language they use in this report to describe conservatives -- we hear all of the time that the left is a bunch of pacifists, make-love-not-war types. They don't want violence, and they just want to get along, and why can't everybody jut be happy together? And yet, when you read what a typical leftist like Obama or Janet Napolitano put together in this Department of Homeland Security report, you conclude none other -- nothing else than they are extreme partisan radicals and they're ready to go to war with a domestic enemy, conservatives that they consider to be a greater threat than Iran, than China, than North Korea, than Venezuela, Russia or any other nation that threatens the United States. Conservatives are the biggest threat to America -- that's the message coming out of Washington from Obama and Janet Napolitano.

[...]

LIMBAUGH: Well, I understand your anger about this. But this -- look at -- this is the Obama administration. You know, they say Janet Napolitano, but this is what Obama thinks. This is what Bill Ayers thinks.

CALLER: Right.

LIMBAUGH: It's what Jeremiah Wright thinks. It's what --

CALLER: Right.

LIMBAUGH: -- and he populates his administration with these people, and it's clear that they consider people like you to be a greater enemy than genuine threats to our freedom and existence.

CALLER: Exactly.

LIMBAUGH: So it's -- and this is playing to, of course, the left-wing fringe base that voted for Obama.

Clips from this hour

Limbaugh suggests woman jumped in polar bear cage because she watched An Inconvenient Truth, says she should "sue Al Gore"

Limbaugh: Obama and Napolitano "are extreme partisan radicals and they're ready to go to war with a domestic enemy - conservatives - that they consider to be a greater threat than Iran, than China, than North Korea"

This hour of the Limbaugh Wire brought to you by Rush's tortured take on 24's environmentalism
By Simon Maloy

Rush got the second hour rolling by pointing out that we learned just today that the Somali pirates that held Captain Phillips hostage were teenagers. Based on this, Rush said: "Now, just imaging the hue and cry had a Republican president ordered added the shooting of black teenagers on the high seas." We weren't sure exactly what he was getting at here, but Rush continued in this vein, noting that on Fox News' Special Report last night, Mort Kondracke said that Obama did the right thing with regard to the pirates, and that he was in church with the president on Sunday, who looked "preoccupied." Rush said the reason Obama looked "preoccupied" was that "he was worried about the order he had given to wipe out three teenagers on the high seas. Black Muslim teenagers." Rush also added that Obama might have been "confused about why there was nobody screaming about how evil America was."

Coming back from the break, Rush helpfully explained his comments from the top of the hour -- if George W. Bush had ordered pirates shot, that evil mainstream media would have reported that Bush ordered the killing of three black teenagers on the high seas. That seems perfectly likely to us. Rush then suspected that pirates had already infiltrated the U.S., reading from a story about how two men died in a sword fight in Indiana. But it turned out that the sword used was from World War II-era Japan, so Rush's theory went out the window.

Revisiting yet another story from yesterday, Rush noted that the woman who leapt into a polar bear enclosure at a Berlin Zoo will not face charges. As he did yesterday, Rush blamed the whole thing on global warming and Al Gore: "Why would somebody do this? Why would somebody jump into the polar bear encamp -- this is -- I don't want to make a bigger deal out of this than it should be, but I think it's -- I think there's an indication here about just how off-track everybody has become with all of this lying SOB sack-of-manure crap that is global warming." Rush said the woman should sue Gore for the "fake" pictures of dying polar bears in An Inconvenient Truth.

On the topic of global warming, Rush said he received a lot of e-mails from listeners who were upset that at the end of last night's episode of Fox's 24, one of the actors encouraged viewers to join main character Jack Bauer in fighting climate change. Rush told viewers not to be mad, it wasn't the producers of 24 that did this, it was the Fox executives who think this liberal crap will draw more viewers. Ah yes, those liberal whack-jobs at Fox. Anyway, we suspect the reason Rush so eagerly defended the producers of 24 is because the show holds a special place in the hearts of conservatives -- Jack Bauer goes around the world torturing terrorists to save the day. It's an ideal foreign policy! To suggest that the producers of 24 would cotton to that hippie liberal crap would undermine the reality of the fantasy. Well, Rush would be sad to read that at least a few of 24's producers have been corrupted by... Al Gore! According to the Christian Science Monitor:

The show reduced its overall carbon emissions to zero through a combination of "better practices," and the purchase of carbon offsets. " '24' was a tough choice to start with because of the difficulty in measuring the high number and different types of emissions," says executive producer Howard Gordon. "But it's been enormously gratifying because it's a relatively high-profile show and can influence other shows."

The impulse grew from a corporate retreat in 2006, at which former Vice President Al Gore addressed the group on his passion project, global warming. Subsequently, Rupert Murdoch, chairman of parent company News Corp., announced his intention to take the entire company carbon neutral by the year 2010.

"We set a modest goal of one episode of '24,' " says Gary Newman, chairman of 20th Century Fox Television. "But the entire cast and crew embraced it and we succeeded far beyond our expectations."

After taking a quick break, Rush took a call from a trucker who was upset that Obama, in his speech today, said: "Economists on both the left and the right agree that the last thing a government should do in the middle of a recession is to cut back on spending." This is a "straw man" and a "lie," according to Rush. Actually, no. It's the truth. There are conservative economists who are all about stimulus: "Even Martin Feldstein, a professor of economics at Harvard University who served as chief economic advisor to President Reagan and is considered the dean of the country's conservative economists, has expressed support for a stimulus plan." Anyway, Rush said if all this talk from Obama about economic recovery and jobs were true, then he wouldn't have to go on TV to talk about it. The only logical conclusion, then, was that this is all about the tea parties, said Rush.

Rush's next caller identified himself as a former resident of the Soviet Union who was very concerned at what he is seeing happen in the country under Obama, describing it all as a "bad dream." Rush loved this caller, who went on to say that Rush was right earlier when he said the DHS report was all Obama's doing, but was also convinced that Obama himself is just a figurehead who was trying to absolve himself of culpability, like Stalin. The caller said that his parents, who lived under Stalin, used to say when they saw atrocities: "If only Stalin knew." Rush took this up eagerly: "If only Obama knew!" Rush assured that caller that he is "going to continue our fight here against glasnost and perestroika from the Obama administration."

Back from the break, Rush took one more caller, this one who wanted to make clear that the Maersk Alabama was delivering food aid to Kenya and Somalia. Before he could finish his thought, Rush had to point out that Obama had many relatives in Kenya. Then the caller did finish his thought -- food aid to our "enemies" Somalia and Kenya is contrary to Darwinism, and that we should just cut them off and let evolution run its course ... Rather than disavowing this interesting opinion from his caller, Rush said he was glad this man called because it allowed him to explain how the left thinks -- that we have no enemies, that the United States is the cause of all the problems in the world, and that we send food aid out of guilt.

Closing out the hour, Rush returned to the call from the former resident of Soviet Russia and tied it to the pirates: "If only President Obama had known that the three Somali community organizers were actually young black Muslim teenagers, I'm sure he wouldn't have given the order to shoot. That's the correct way to look at it. If only Obama had known."

Highlights from Hour 2

Outrageous comments

LIMBUAGH: The Somali pirates, the merchant marine organizers who took a U.S. merchant captain hostage for five days were inexperienced youth. The Defense Secretary, Robert Gates, said today -- or yesterday -- adding the hijackers between 17 and 19 years old. Now, just imagine the hue and cry had a Republican president ordered added the shooting of black teenagers on the high seas.

[...]

LIMBAUGH: Now, I'm going to tell you something. That story, you look at it, and OK, parts of it you can laugh at. OK, some woman dives into the polar bear section, and here comes the polar bear, starts mauling her, and then you go "Oh, this is horrible, this is --" Why would somebody do this? Why would somebody jump into the polar bear encamp -- this is -- I don't want to make a bigger deal out of this than it should be, but I think it's -- I think there's an indication here about just how off-track everybody has become with all of this lying SOB sack-of-manure crap that is global warming.

 "Socialism" watch

CALLER: I'm really amazed that they -- someone like you actually is on the air because back when I grew up, I mean, obviously someone like you would not even be allowed to talk -- forget about the radio, just allowed to talk to large groups of people.

LIMBAUGH: Right. I'd have to go to the bathroom.

CALLER: Right. And the fact that you and, you know, a select few like you are still out there. You are like a lighthouse. I don't think people really appreciate the things that you do, I mean, especially in lieu of your phone calls like yesterday. I listen to you every day, and it's like a breath of fresh air, so obviously, you know, there's a lot of people that just don't appreciate the value of what you're doing, and I am personally very concerned about how long it's going to continue because I've seen this movie before. I know how it works. Everything they do doesn't surprise me, and I am concerned, you know, how long we'll be able to have the pleasure of having someone like you being a torchlight for all of us who are here pulling our hair out.

LIMBAUGH: Well, I appreciate you saying that, Victor. That's -- you're very kind. You've flattered me beyond reality, and I appreciate it so much. Glad you're out there. Not gonna go anywhere here; there's nowhere to go. Doing what I was -- doing what I was born to do, Victor.

CALLER: Thank you, and please hang in there. Don't trust any of these whiners who call in and complain. You are indispensable for us, and I just hope you stay healthy, and all of the happiness to you.

LIMBAUGH: Thank you, Victor. And we're going to continue our fight here against glasnost and perestroika from the Obama administration. Be right back.

[...]

LIMBAUGH: If only President Obama had known that the three Somali community organizers were actually young black Muslim teenagers, I'm sure he wouldn't have given the order to shoot. That's the correct way to look at it. If only Obama had known.

America's Truth Rejector

Falsely claimed conservative economists do not support government spending during recessions:

LIMBAUGH: This is a classic Obama straw man argument. "Everybody agrees with me. Everybody agrees with me. Economists on both the left and the right agree with me."

OBAMA [audio clip]: Economists on both the left and the right agree that the last thing a government should do in the middle of a recession is to cut back on spending.

LIMBAUGH: That is a lie.

OBAMA [audio clip]: You see, when this recession began, many families sat around the kitchen table and tried to figure out where they could cut back, and so have many businesses, and this is a completely reasonable and understandable reaction. But if everybody, if every family in America cuts back all at once, then no one is spending any money which means that there are more layoffs, which means that the economy gets even worse. That's why the government has to step in and temporarily boost spending in order to stimulate demand. That's exactly what we're doing right now.

This hour of the Limbaugh Wire brought to you by the squirrels of Spokane
By Simon Maloy

One more hour to go, and Rush started by saying he didn't blame the North Koreans for reportedly expelling IAEA inspectors from the country after the U.N. Security Council's "limp-wristed" response to their missile test. Rush and Snerdley speculated that this might be the "test" for Obama that Biden worried about, coming so soon after Obama's "brilliant high seas maneuver" in wiping out "three teenagers on a life raft."

After taking a cue from Drudge and reading from a Reuters story on how "the 2009 U.S. tax season promises to see a large uptick in first-time delinquent income taxpayers" due to job losses, Rush indulged in one of his favorite hobbies -- attacking small automobiles. Rush read from an AP report on crash test data that "found that drivers of 2009 versions of the Smart 'fortwo,' Honda Fit and Toyota Yaris could face significant leg and head injuries in severe front-end crashes with larger, mid-size vehicles."

After the break, Rush read from an AP report out of Nairobi on how, despite threats of retaliation from the pirates, the "most likely outcome" of the U.S. naval attacks will "business as usual for the bandits." Rush claimed that this was a "puff piece" for the pirates, largely because it reported: "The pirates' primary concerns, however, are economic, and they have no interest in escalating violence." Rush demanded to know how the AP knew that. We suspect they got that from this quote they included from an official with a British risk-management firm that trains ship security officers: "The pirates don't want to escalate violence because it's not in their interests to keep raising the stakes and it also isn't in the interests of other countries out there." Anyway, Rush continued in this vein, claiming the AP made it sound as though being hijacked by pirates is something of a tourist attraction.

Then it was on to thumbing his nose at the "animal rights" crowd by reading a story out of Spokane, Washington, about how explosives will be used to kill ground squirrels that have "overrun" a local arboretum. Before continuing with the story, Rush said he had never seen the word "arboretum" before, and asked "what the hell does it mean?" Well, if Rush would just catch up on old episodes of The Simpsons instead of watching 24 all the time, he'd know the answer.

Rush then took a call from a woman who agreed with the DHS report on right-wing extremism because the people like her who want to go back to the Constitution and love freedom "pose an enormous threat to the government." She added: "We're the people buying guns and storing ammunition and preparing for the time where we have to fight the government off." Rush responded: "Wait a minute, though. I understand the point you're trying to make, but that's not extremism."

Rush moved on to another caller, this one claiming to be a customs employee who was shocked when he received the DHS report. Rush said the report cited just one example of extremism, the man in Pittsburgh who shot three police officers because he thought Jews controlled the government. According to Rush, that's what Obama and Napolitano think a mainstream conservative is. It's worth pointing out at this point, as others have, that the word "conservative" doesn't even appear in the report. It deals exclusively with violent militias and white supremacists. Nonetheless, Rush felt this was a "teachable moment" for people out there who think Obama is all about unity, when in fact he's just a normal politician trying to wipe out his political enemies. Rush once again said it's "no coincidence" that this report came out right before the Tax Day tea parties.

Speaking of tea parties, Rush's next caller was very excited to go to her local Earl Grey throwdown, but was quite upset that Newt Gingrich, that "inside-the-Beltway elitist" had attached himself to the tea party movement. Rush said she shouldn't be upset, it's a popular movement and that's what any politician would do.

After the break Rush gave a quick shout-out to John Ziegler's Media Malpractice: How Obama Got Elected and Palin Was Targeted. All we have to say is that John Ziegler is a very serious person with some very well-thought out ideas who deserves respect and admiration from the people.

Rush took one more call to close out the day, this one from a self-described "right-wing activist" who felt that conservatives, in throwing these tea parties, are like a minor league team going up against the major leaguers. He thought the tea parties will be both a success and a failure because they'll get coverage, but the left's elite infiltration squads (which we certainly do not belong to and you can't make us say otherwise) will crash them with their racist signs and ruin everything. Rush defended the "value" of the tea parties because they're being organized by real people (if that's the case, then we're not sure how Glenn Beck fits in there).

That's it for us for today. We have big plans for the evening -- we're going to plant a few trees with Jack Bauer, and then he's going to break our kneecaps with the leg of a grand piano, at which point we'll probably tell him where the bombs are. Please join us again tomorrow for another three hours of Limbaugh Wiring, and be sure to check out Media Matters' comprehensive Limbaugh coverage.

Highlights from Hour 3

Outrageous comments

CALLER: We're the people that want to go back to the Constitution, that, you know, really love our freedom and understand that it's being taken away, and therefore, we pose an enormous threat to the government. We're the people buying guns and storing ammunition and preparing for the time where we have to fight the government off.

LIMBAUGH: Wait a minute, though. I understand the point you're trying to make, but that's not extremism.

CALLER: Well, to them it is --

LIMBAUGH: But it's not. They don't get to define the terms. We are not extremists. Those of us who want to protect the founding of this nation and preserve it as we were born and grew up, we are not extremists. They are the extremists. They're not right about this.