This hour of the Limbaugh Wire brought to you by the Obama Youth Movement
By Simon Maloy

Happy tax day, everyone. We're doing the Limbaugh Wire remotely today from the "tea party" that we infiltrated on behalf of ACORN. Our job is to surreptitiously stir up some trouble for the cameras, so let's take a look at our espionage kit: an inflammatory "Obama is a below average badmintoner" sign, several copies of Atlas Shrugged and The Fountainhead that we can throw at Griff Jenkins, and cyanide capsules in case we are caught. We had originally intended to bring a gas can filled with water and pretend to set people on fire, but that seems so passé these days.

Rush kicked off the program with back-to-back-to-back parodies, the first, a tax day "message" from President Obama in which he says our tax dollars are rebuilding the country by boosting the Democratic Party's infrastructure. The second was a reprise of "Obama" singing "I'll be Taxing You." Those two were relatively anodyne, but the third one caught our attention. Continuing the high-volume freak-out from yesterday over the Department of Homeland Security report on "rightwing extremism" -- white supremacists and militia groups, not ordinary conservatives -- Rush aired a message from "Obama," in which he urged the nation's children to turn in their conservative parents to the authorities and "[j]oin the Obama Youth Movement." The parody continued: "Be the first in your neighborhood to turn in your mom, your dad, your little sister, and proudly wear a brown shirt. So be on the lookout for any subversive activity and remember the watch word: Heil hope."

Rush then declared that it's difficult to recall a period in American history in which liberals have dumped so much hate on an "embryonic" movement -- the tea parties. According to Rush, liberals, who are supposed to love the common man and look out for the little guy, are using "every weapon at their command" to "mock, smear, and trash" the tea parties, which are "real democracy." When "real people" come together expressing their "fears" about where the country is headed, that is "not to be tolerated" by the left, said Rush.

Rush then encouraged the tea partiers to "have at it," because ACORN and the Obama-ites are out there "maybe" trying to create racism and chaos at the tea parties to make them look bad. "[M]aybe"? There's no "maybe" about it! On that topic, excuse us for a second, we just saw Griff Jenkins... Damn, missed him. Anyway, Rush aired audio of Think Progress' Faiz Shakir on C-SPAN's Washington Journal saying that the tea parties are the "fruition" of Limbaugh's desire to see Obama fail. Rush says "of course" the tea partiers want Obama to fail! Obama wants an entirely new foundation for the economy, even though, says Rush, we already have a foundation -- the Constitution. Then he attacked NBC's Chuck Todd for saying on Today this morning that the GOP hasn't really been able to capitalize politically on the tea parties. Rush rejoined by saying the tea parties have "nothing to do" with the Republicans, the protesters are seeking new leadership because the GOP is "hibernating." This is untrue -- several Republican members of Congress and governors are speaking at tea parties today.

After the break, Rush noted that we have "peace breaking out" in the Gulf of Aden after pirates vowed to hunt down and kill Americans after, in Rush's words, three black teenagers were shot down by Obama on Sunday. Then Rush seized on a report from The Wall Street Journal that "[s]ome of the nation's largest mortgage companies are stepping up foreclosures on delinquent homeowners." Everyone saw this coming, according to Rush, even though Obama promised in his speeches to stem foreclosures. But it won't matter, said Rush, because people won't blame Obama, they'll blame the banks.

After another break, Rush returned to the DHS report, which does not in any way target conservatives. Rush claimed the report is straight from Obama's "heart" and "head," and this was evidenced by a certain passage of the report which, in Rush's mind, sounded very similar to Obama's "bitter" comments from last April that caused a campaign tempest. We didn't think they sounded all that similar, but we were entertained at Rush's suggestion that this report was somehow authored -- or received editorial direction from -- the president: "That is an excellent foundation upon which this DHS report on right-wing extremists could be built: bitter clingers; angry; people don't look like they do; immigration; anti-trade. So don't think this is Janet Napolitano, folks. This is Barack Obama."

Leading into the next break, Rush took his first call, this one from a man who wanted to thank Rush for setting the record straight on the tea parties being organic and all that. Rush asked him a few questions: Is he a neo-Nazi? Does he hate black people? Does he hate illegal immigration? Rush just wanted to get his "profile" because this guy would be "smeared" and "impugned" today like never before. Rush claimed that the tax parties are "real democracy bubbling up" and didn't have to be "inspired" or "promoted." So we guess Fox News has wasted a lot of valuable time incessantly promoting the tea parties over the past couple of weeks. Apparently, all those people were going to show up anyway.

After the break, Rush praised Rep. Ron Paul's (R-TX) suggestion that the U.S. government hire mercenaries to patrol the high seas for pirates, and then turned to Obama's tax day speech, the message of which Rush characterized as "suck up and pay up." Rush was particularly incensed that Obama took a dig at "trickle down" economic policies, because, in Rush's estimation, those policies launched a 25-year economic boom, starting with Ronald Reagan (who raised taxes several times, as we've noted). Rush's conclusion? "This guy is an angry, bitter guy and he has as his intention to return the nation's wealth to its rightful owners. And the rightful owners of the nation's wealth are not the nation's producers in his view. The nation's producers have committed crimes. The nation's producers are greedy and selfish and they need to be gotten even with. They need to be cut down to size just like he intends to cut this country down to size."

Highlights from Hour 1

Outrageous comments

LIMBAUGH: Now this sounds to me very close to something Obama said during the campaign, and it was at that San Francisco fundraiser about the bitter clingers. Let's review that.

Here's what he said: "But the truth is our challenge is to get people persuaded we can make progress when there's not evidence of that in their daily lives. You go into some of these small towns in Pennsylvania, and like a lot of small towns in the Midwest, the jobs have been gone now for 25 years and nothing's replaced them. And they fell through the Clinton administration, the Bush administration, and each successive administration has said that, somehow, these communities are going to regenerate and they haven't. So, it's not surprising then that they get bitter. They cling to guns, or religion, or antipathy to people who aren't like them, or anti-immigrant sentiment, or anti-trade sentiment as a way to explain their frustrations."

Well, that's -- you talk about a foundation. That is an excellent foundation upon which this DHS report on right-wing extremists could be built: bitter clingers; angry; people don't look like they do; immigration; anti-trade. So don't think this is Janet Napolitano, folks. This is Barack Obama.

[...]

LIMBAUGH: What he tries to make you think, trickle down, is that the rich are going to walk around and give money away to the middle class and the poor, like government does. There's no concept. He knows exactly what he's talking about, too, and he's bitter.

This guy is an angry, bitter guy and he has as his intention to return the nation's wealth to its rightful owners. And the rightful owners of the nation's wealth are not the nation's producers in his view. The nation's producers have committed crimes. The nation's producers are greedy and selfish and they need to be gotten even with. They need to be cut down to size just like he intends to cut this country down to size.

"Fascism" watch

ANNOUNCER: Now an urgent Homeland Security update for the youth of America from President Barack Obama.

OBAMA IMPERSONATOR: Boys and girls, your family members could be right-wing extremists -- your mom, your dad, even your brothers or sisters. Does your daddy get angry when he sees his tax bill? Does your mom listen to that Rush Limbaugh from noon to three? Do they tune in to Fox News? Do they shop at Wal-Mart? Do they force you to ride in a car that gets less than 30 miles to the gallon or make you go to church?

If they do, you don't have to grow up terrified by right-wingers. Now you can do something about it. Join the Obama Youth Movement. Be the first in your neighborhood to turn in your mom, your dad, your little sister, and proudly wear a brown shirt. So be on the lookout for any subversive activity and remember the watch word: Heil hope.

ANNOUNCER: This message provided by Obama's teleprompter, routed through the word processer of Janet Napolitano, who signed it before she read it.

Clips from this hour:

Rush rant on tea parties: "It is difficult to find... a time when so many liberals have spent so much time slinging so much mud on an embryonic movement"

Limbaugh on tea party participants: "Of course they want [Obama] to fail!"

This hour of the Limbaugh Wire brought to you by the rock of Marxism
By Simon Maloy

Rush got the second hour started by going after NBC's Matt Lauer, claiming that Lauer, interviewing Christina Romer on Today this morning, was "terrified" at the prospect of banks like Goldman Sachs operating without government influence. According to Rush, Obama will not allow Goldman to repay the TARP funds it took. Rush then noted that the government might swap out some of General Motors' debt for an increased equity share of the company. Rush said he predicted this, and he'll tell us the next step -- that equity will be transferred to the UAW as part of Obama's plan to return the nation's wealth to its rightful owners.

Then Rush read the conclusion of Obama's speech yesterday on the economy, in which the president said of the economy: "We will not finish it in one year or even many, but if we use this moment to lay that new foundation; if we come together and begin the hard work of rebuilding; if we persist and persevere against the disappointments and setbacks that will surely lie ahead, then I have no doubt that this house will stand and the dream of our Founders will live on in our time." According to Rush, if Obama succeeds, "the dream of our Founders will have been killed," because "Obama proposed building a new foundation for our economy, one built on a rock. What rock? Marxism? What mark -- what rock? Socialism? Hard to say. All we get is the dreamy, silky speeches."

Then Rush claimed that for the first time in his tax-paying life, he feels as though his taxes are worthless because it's all just going toward "income redistribution" -- from productive people to "needy poor people." It's just "greed," said Rush, and the greed out there is coming from "every Democrat elected official" and a few Republicans who voted for tax increases. The greed "is anywhere you have government," from towns all the way up to the federal government. We are in the midst of the most gentle power grab in history, said Rush, and it's coming at the expense of liberty. Individual Americans are paying the price for Obama's "greed," and it's nothing more than "liberal selfishness and greed" that drives the Obama administration.

Rush's rant was interrupted by a commercial break, which he returned from by taking a call from a listener who wanted to talk about the rise in foreclosures. Rush said that if he were a banker, who, since the 1990s, had a government-held gun to his head forcing him to make loans to people who would never pay them back, then he'd be trying to get his money back any way he could. That's just "human nature" that he's speaking to, said Rush. All Rush knows is that the bankers and financial people will never tell you the "truth" about what happened to them because Obama has made them "enemies" of America.

Rush took another break, and then another caller, this one claiming to have been told by Sen. Ben Nelson's (D-NE) office that the senator would not be attending any tea parties. The reason Nelson isn't going, saud Rush, is because no one wants to see him there. He's the one being protested. Rush then claimed that a lot of government union workers are going to try to infiltrate the tea parties. We can't speak to that, we've been getting our orders from ACORN and George Sor- -- there's Griff!

Heh... got him.

Anyway, Rush's next caller was actually at a tea party, this one in Texas, calling it "amazing" and "electrifying." Rush wanted to know if MoveOn or ACORN had shown up yet (if they haven't, then they're way behind schedule, we should point out). Another caller, this one had already been to a tea party in Lansing, Michigan, where she heard Joe the Plumber speak. Rush was surprised to hear that Joe the Plumber was there: "They must be flying Joe the Plumber around to a bunch of these things." "They"? Who is "they"? We thought these were spontaneous outburst of democracy bereft of coordination. So who is "they" sending Joe the Plumber all over the country?

Rush came back from another break attempting to explain the varied definitions of "teabagging," thankfully not getting into specifics. His next caller was from Detroit, who said the DHS report means the liberals can't decide whether or not the tea partiers are insignificant or a genuine threat. If we may explain once again, the "liberals" are not making that decision because the report doesn't address everyday conservatives. We actually find ourselves rather perplexed as to why conservatives keep insisting that they are the right-wing extremists the DHS is talking about. Rush claimed that the DHS report is "standard operating procedure" for Democrats, who blame the right for violent acts. Just look at Bill Clinton's speech following the Oklahoma City bombing, in which he decried the "hate-speech" on the airwaves.

Rush rounded out the hour by reading a U.K. Times headline: "Why the master of America's new First Mutt is no longer in good odour with [French] President [Nicolas] Sarkozy." According to Rush: "[T]he UK Times calling Obama the first mutt."

Highlights from Hour 2

Outrageous comments

LIMBAUGH: Try this headline in the UK Times: "Why the master of America's new First Mutt is no longer in good odour with President Sarkozy" -- the UK Times calling Obama the first mutt.

"Socialism" watch

LIMBAUGH: The foundation -- he wants to re-do the foundation. I guarantee you if he succeeds in this, the dream of our Founders will have been killed. It will not live on and that is the precise point. The foundation -- that's what Obama called his soothing talk about gutting and remaking the American economy built on free markets, built on capitalism.

President Obama gently explained how the business model was flawed. That Milton Friedman was a kook, that the greatest economy in history was built on quicksand, and knowing that nothing of permanence could be built on quicksand, Obama proposed building a new foundation for our economy, one built on a rock.

What rock? Marxism? What mark -- what rock? Socialism? Hard to say. All we get is the dreamy, silky speeches.

This hour of the Limbaugh Wire brought to you by the Portuguese water torture dog
By Simon Maloy

Only one more hour to go and we've yet to start a riot here at our tea party, despite having beaned Griff Jenkins with a leather-bound edition of The Fountainhead. It's very dispiriting.

Anyway, Rush kicked off this final hour by claiming that MSNBC is flipping out over the tea parties, reporting that tea bags have been thrown over the White House fence. Rush said at least they were "real" tea bags unlike the fake medals John Kerry once threw. It's that sort of topical humor that makes The Rush Limbaugh Show so very fresh and entertaining every day. Then Rush returned to the UK Times reporting on the First Mutt, play-acting the realization that the Times was talking about Bo, and not the president. Rush said Bo is a "Portuguese water torture dog."

Then Rush aired some sound bites from today's press briefing with White House press secretary Robert Gibbs, during which Gibbs said that Obama promised and delivered tax relief to the American people. Rush said that the tax cut averages to $13/week, which you can't even call a tax cut. Then he aired audio of a reporter asking about Obama's response to the DHS report, and Rush flipped out, because "it is Obama's DHS report. The DHS report calling every mainstream conservative a right-wing extremist is who Barack Obama is."

After the break, Rush took a call from a woman excited that there is no parking available in her Illinois town because of the tea party, and that all the kids in town are attending the festivities instead of going to school. Rush said Obama won't be happy that the kids aren't in school because they need to be indoctrinated against this right-wing stuff. Rush then asked if there was any violence at her tea party, Molotov cocktails and such (there hadn't been any violence). Then Rush said the Obama people have to be "frightened" at all the young people attending the parties, because it was the youth that was supposed to be supporting him.

Then Rush took a call from a young Democrat who did not understand why all these people were protesting these policies, given that, in his estimation, they had benefited the middle class. Rush said no one is being helped, look at the continuing job losses. What's happening, said Rush, is that people are scared, trying to hold on to their liberty against an unprecedented expansion of the federal government. The Constitution is being chipped away, according to Rush, and being replaced with a federal government that is going to control as much of your life as possible.

Rush took a quick break and came back with the same caller, continuing to explain the tea party mentality to the young man: "What's happening is that the foundation of the country is the Constitution of the United States, which -- well, the Declaration, the founding document: 'We are all endowed by our creator with certain inalienable rights among them life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.' These people see the Obama administration as assaulting all three of those things -- life, liberty. People's freedom is being impinged upon." After asking the caller if it was ever OK to "sacrifice for the government" like we're all doing on tax day (which Rush admitted was a "bit of a trick question"), Rush went into a lengthy boilerplate run down of why "big government" has always failed and how conservatives want everyone to succeed and not be dependent on the government. After the caller asked how these people are so angry after less than 90 days of the Obama administration, Rush said they're angry because if it's "this bad" after just 90 days, think what it will be like after four years.

Rush concluded his call with the young Democrat by appearing to predict another Great Depression: "You're 19, and you're -- if there's no stop to this, if it's not deterred, you are going to grow up and start working in an America unlike this country has seen since the '30s. And it's -- you -- the life that your grandparents or parents lived is going to be much, much tougher for you to achieve."

After the final break, Rush read from a Telegraph article on a Guantánamo detainee who managed to call Al-Jazeera and claim that he has been beaten or gassed almost every day since Obama came into power. Rush touted this as an example of Obama's "change."

Rush closed out the show with an animated caller from Indiana who was outraged that Obama said today that they passed tax relief for Americans. He said this can't be true, because he had been standing in front of the post office, and as people came out from filing their tax returns, they said there was absolutely no difference in their 1040s... Instead of explaining to the caller that the tax relief Obama passed this year does not apply to the taxes everyone paid last year when Obama was not president, Rush said he was glad the caller was outraged.

Well, our tea party is over and we completely failed to start a riot. Perhaps in my after-action report ,I'll recommend that spending millions on infiltrating conservative protests for the sole purpose of making them look foolish is not a wise use of ACORN's money, even if it did get $4 billion from the government. And our apologies to Griff Jenkins.

Please join us again tomorrow for another head-first dive into the shallow pool that is The Rush Limbaugh Show, and, as always, we ask that you please reacquaint yourself with Media Matters' voluminous Limbaugh archives.

Highlights from Hour 3

Outrageous comments

LIMBAUGH: UK Times online -- world agenda: "Nicolas Sarkozy puts Barack Obama in the doghouse." That's the headline. The subhead: "Why the master of America's new First Mutt is no longer in good odour with President Sarkozy." The "First Mutt"? The UK referring to our president as the "First Mutt"?

"France has been cooing along with everyone else over the arrival of Bo Obama," it says here, "in the White House, but the master of America's new First Dog is no longer in good odour with President Sarkozy." Oh, I get it. He's not calling Obama the mutt. He's talking about the new dog they got -- the Portuguese water torture dog given to them by Ted Kennedy.

[...]

LIMBAUGH: What's happening is that the foundation of the country is the Constitution of the United States, which -- well, the Declaration, the founding document: "We are all endowed by our creator with certain inalienable rights among them life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness."

These people see the Obama administration as assaulting all three of those things -- life, liberty. People's freedom is being impinged upon. When you impinge upon their economic activity, and you impinge upon their ability to produce and provide income for themselves and their family, you are infringing on freedom. And then, the pursuit of happiness -- there's not a whole lot of happiness in America today, have you noticed? No matter where you look?

[...]

LIMBAUGH: You're 19, and you're -- if there's no stop to this, if it's not deterred, you are going to grow up and start working in an America unlike this country has seen since the '30s. And it's -- you -- the life that your grandparents or parents lived is going to be much, much tougher for you to achieve.

America's Truth Rejector

Falsely claimed the DHS report calls "every mainstream conservative a right-wing extremist":

LIMBAUGH: Does Obama know about the DHS report? Is Obama -- it is Obama's DHS report. The DHS report calling every mainstream conservative a right-wing extremist is who Barack Obama is.