This hour of the Limbaugh Wire brought to you by the uncontrollable laughter of enhanced interrogation
By Simon Maloy

Happy "Open Line Friday!" everyone. It's that very special day in which Rush turns over programming decisions to the callers, who, oddly enough, always seem to want to talk about what Rush wants to talk about. Funny coincidence, that.

In addition to being "Open Line Friday!" it's also cure-a-thon day on The Rush Limbaugh Show, and Rush got the show started by exhorting listeners to call in or go online to donate to The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society. We commend Rush for his commitment to this charitable cause, but we have to wonder why, in encouraging people to donate, he had to make a political attack. After saying that those who donate online will receive a black "dittohead" shirt or golf cap, Rush said: "We chose black this year to commemorate the Obama economy."

Coming back from the break, Rush noted that President Obama, in anticipation of the Summit of the Americas, wrote an op-ed that was published in Latin American newspapers across the Western hemisphere. Rush said it was almost like the teleprompter wrote the op-ed, and that Obama was "apologizing" again because he wants all the "hate" out there for the United States confirmed by no less than the president of the United States. Rush specifically attacked Obama for writing: "To confront our economic crisis, we don't need a debate about whether to have a rigid, state-run economy or unbridled and unregulated capitalism -- we need pragmatic and responsible action that advances our common prosperity." This is a "straw man," said Rush. The banks were forced (by Democrats) to make loans to people who couldn't pay them back, so, according to Rush, they had to turn to derivatives and credit default swaps in order to make money. The problem that faces true capitalists (like Rush) is that when capitalism "fails," the solution is always more government, but when government fails, the solution is still more government, "so we're kind of screwed here."

After another break, Rush spoke with the woman (mentioned yesterday) who read Rush's father's speech on the signers of the Declaration of Independence at a tea party. Rush thanked her, said he was blown away by it.

Then it was time for another caller, this one "fired up" over Janet Napolitano and another thing, which she couldn't quite remember until Limbaugh reminded her that the other outrage was the release of the torture memos. Rush mocked Obama for "struggling" over the decision to release the memos, and the caller asked if Obama did this to "distract" everyone from all the "idiot things" he's doing. Rush said no, you have to think about this: "[I]f you look at what we are calling torture, you have to laugh." Ah yes, the comedy of waterboarding. Perhaps it's just more "blowing off steam." Anyway, Rush mocked the memos noting that one of the techniques discussed was putting a caterpillar in with a detainee in a confined space to capitalize on his fear of stinging insects, and asked: "This is what made us the moral equivalent of Al Qaeda?" Rush said it makes total sense that Obama would release these memos -- he goes over to foreign soil and apologizes for the country, and the left "manufacture[s]" this "horrible, rotten brouhaha about torture," so it's easier for Obama to just release these memos and say, "See, we told you the country is guilty!" Citing Michael Hayden and Michael Mukasey's Wall Street Journal op-ed, Rush attacked Obama for "show[ing] our enemies what we do," adding: "If we're hit again, he owns it. If we're hit again, President Obama owns it."

After the break, Rush returned to the caterpillar, playing a montage of journalists talking about the interrogation technique, and asked: "This is torture?" Rush called it a "myth" that people will lie to escape torture, noting that Sen. John McCain has said that torture is ineffective, but at the Republican National Convention, he said that he was "broken" by the Vietnamese. We're not sure that "breaking" someone can be characterized as torture being effective, at least in terms of intelligence gathering.

Rush closed out the hour by playing a clip of Obama during a Spanish-language interview saying that he wants to make sure that going forward, the United States' national security policies are in line with the country's values and traditions. Rush asked: "What the hell values and traditions are these people talking about? Appeasement? Surrender?"

Highlights from Hour 1

Outrageous comments

LIMBAUGH: A $100-donation entitles you to the commemorative dittohead T-shirt, plus a special edition EIB golf cap. A high-quality, adjustable sized golf cap, fits heads of all sizes, comes in black, has a silver EIB logo, and my signature on the front. And if you go for broke, $325 or above, you get the EIB golf hat, plus a special edition EIB golf shirt that is also in black. We chose black this year to commemorate the Obama economy.

So, the T-shirt and the cap -- well, the T-shirt's not, the golf shirt is black. The cap is black.

[...]

LIMBAUGH: Here you have memos -- and by the way, if you look at what we are calling torture, you have to laugh. For example -- what was it? Slapping, putting an insect in with a prisoner in a small, confined area. There are -- there were 10 of these.

But if you go through the -- what are said to be the four worst -- waterboarding, of course, which worked on Khalid Shaikh Mohammed. I'm looking here for the -- yeah, sleep deprivation, facial slaps, placing one high-ranking Al Qaeda suspect -- that would be Abu Zubaydah -- in a cramped box with what he told was a stinging insect. This guy had a paranoia about stinging insects. They put him in with a caterpillar.

Echo chamber

Cited former Bush administration officials Michael Hayden and Michael Mukasey's Wall Street Journal op-ed on Obama's decision to release the torture memos.

Clips from this hour

Limbaugh on interrogation memos: "If you look at what we are calling torture, you have to laugh"

Limbaugh: Obama "wants people around the world to have their hate for this country confirmed by no less than the President of the United States"

Limbaugh: "24 inches of snow in Denver tonight and tomorrow ... thank you global warming"

This hour of the Limbaugh Wire brought to you by Rush's self-administered "enhanced interrogation"
By Simon Maloy

Rush kicked off the second hour with another plug for The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society, encouraging his listeners to donate whatever they can. He also repeated his crack that the "dittohead" clothing you'll receive as a gift for donating will be black to commemorate the Obama economy.

Rush came back from the break saying that he forgot to mention that the "horrible, horrible, horrible" caterpillar interrogation technique had not even been used, and the left is still upset about it. Rush then told Snerdley that while the average "Joe six-pack" Democrat doesn't know what releasing these memos does to the country, the people in charge in the administration know exactly what they're doing. Rush also noted that there are some "conservatives" who are "getting sucked in by all this, too." This is fine and dandy to Rush, because they're "clearing out all the dead weight on our side."

Rush then charitably allowed that President Obama does not want the United States to be hit with another terrorist attack, but Rush claimed that the White House simply believes it won't happen. Think about it, Rush said. These terrorists cut off their own wives' heads, and here we're going nuts over memos calling slapping torture. To demonstrate how silly he thinks this is, Rush actually began slapping himself in the face and calling it torture. Let's just say it was one of the few times we were glad to have access to the Dittocam.

Rush then took a caller who said her son was joining the Marines despite having been brainwashed in the schools as a child. Rush took this as an opportunity to attack Joe Biden for saying recently of the Middle East: "How many of you think we would have so many troops stationed in that area of the world if we didn't need the oil? If you add the actual price of oil, it's probably $10 more a barrel just by the military we have to provide to be able to ensure those oil lanes stay open." This, according to Rush, was an admission on Biden's part that we're keeping or military men and women in harm's way because of oil, and a reason to drill for oil domestically. Rush considered this a "despicable" way to characterize the military, as security guards for something we have on our own soil.

Coming back from the break, Rush returned to soliciting donations for The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society, then took a caller who wanted to use the idea of cancer research as a frame for the "disease" he sees spreading throughout the country in the form of America's "mis-education" system, which he said needs to be totally refurbished. Rush said that the dumbing-down of the country is being done purposefully, and the caller agreed, saying he was part of the conspiracy as a bona fide atheist, humanist evolutionary biologist, before he turned to Scripture. Neither of them explained exactly who was masterminding this conspiracy, but we're sure it involves George Soros, Barack Obama, ACORN, and William Ayers. Anyway, Rush lamented the fact that our nation's children are not being taught the facts of "the founding of this country." We presume that such an education would include Thomas Jefferson's founding of the Republican Party, the Founding Fathers' astounding foresight in pre-emptively justifying Limbaugh's desire to see Obama fail, and the lesson that "the preamble to the Constitution contains an inarguable truth that we are all endowed by our creator with certain inalienable rights, among them life, Liberty, Freedom. And the pursuit of happiness."

The rest of the hour was spent promoting The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society, including a call from a leukemia survivor.

Highlights from Hour 2

Outrageous comments

LIMBAUGH: These guys that we're talking about, they'd cut off their own wives' heads if they detect them doing something not within the bounds of the law. And we've got memos out there today saying how rude and horrible we are because we slapped people.

I just slapped myself. I'm torturing myself right now. That's torture, according to these people. If there is another hit, well -- we're the laughing stock in Tora Bora. We are the laughing stock in the caves of Pakistan.

Clips from this hour

Limbaugh on response to interrogation memos: "I just slapped myself. I'm torturing myself right now. That's torture according to these people."

Responding to Obama mentioning "our values and our traditions," Limbaugh asks if those values are "appeasement, surrender"

This hour of the Limbaugh Wire brought to you by the hypocrisy of shooting pirates
By Simon Maloy

The final hour of today's Rush Limbaugh Show started just as the first two did -- with an extended plug for The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society, complete with the joke that the "dittohead" clothing you'll receive as a gift for donating is black to "commemorate" the Obama economy. As a commenter to the first hour pointed out, perhaps Rush is unaware of what the phrase "in the black" means...

Anyway, coming back from the break, Rush took a call from a woman in Montana who wanted to tell him how much she loved her Prius, and that Rush's claims that they're too small and dangerous are bunk. Rush denied ever saying that Priuses are too small, and explained that he's all for people buying any car they want, he just hates it when people get swept up in a movement and buy a car because they think they're saving the world. Rush said she might call Rush back and change her mind when she finds out how much it costs to replace the battery. Then Rush admonished himself for saying that and slapped himself again, administering some more "torture."

Another break and Rush offered a full-throated endorsement of George Will's latest Washington Post column, in which he decried the pervasiveness of denim in America. Rush proudly declared that he never wears jeans or white T-shirts (although colored T-shirts aren't as bad, Rush thought), and he didn't even wear them in the '60s because he didn't want to be identified with "those in his generation who were bombing buildings." You could always tell a Weatherman by the jeans...

Then Rush professed to be offended by this Wall Street Journal headline: "Ditch the Jet: It's Cool to Fly Commercial." This, Rush said, relates to the stories we've all been hearing about the White House intimidating people who fly private jets. Rush doesn't think private jets are "uncool," though. In fact, he said that when he next has to fly to Washington, D.C., he would be proud to be photographed stepping off "his pride and joy." We assume he meant his private jet.

Rush then took a call from a man professing to be confused as to why we're not allowed to "muss" the hair of Khalid Shaikh Mohammed even though he killed Americans, and yet we're allowed to shoot three Somali pirates on the high seas. Rush says this is a grand hypocrisy -- shooting the pirates was OK because Obama is in charge, but waterboarding Khalid Shaikh Mohammed was bad because it happened under George W. Bush. Of course, to reduce all this to a matter of partisanship requires one to completely disregard the massive situational distinctions between a hostage situation and an interrogation of someone in custody. And that's exactly what Rush did, sneering at the "serious liberals" who would say that the pirates had a gun to Captain Phillips' back while Mohammed was a captive and wasn't threatening anyone. He declined to explain why that difference doesn't matter.

After that, Rush aired audio of Michael Hayden saying to NBC's Andrea Mitchell that the release of the torture memos has harmed American national security because it effectively takes these interrogation techniques off the table. Rush's response? "Obama has his reasons and I do think they're couched in the notion that this country's guilty. This country is guilty as it exists and as it was founded, and our guilt was confirmed in the way we conducted the war on terror so we've got to spank ourselves. And he thinks this will show the rest of the world what a decent guy he is, what a decent country we are."

Leading into the final break, Rush attacked the AP for reporting: "Republican politicians, backed by conservative American media personalities and bloggers, are using a new tool to attack President Barack Obama's administration -- a Homeland Security report warning that military veterans could fall victim to extremist recruiters or lone acts of violence." Rush was mystified that after the administration released a report attacking conservatives as extremists (the report didn't do that), the AP would claim that it was conservatives and Republicans who were "attacking" Obama. This was more evidence, according to Rush, that the media is "an embarrassing joke."

Rush rounded out the show by thanking his listeners for their generosity in donating to The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society.

That wraps up the week for us here at the Wire. We hope you'll join us next week for another exciting 15 installments. Until then, do yourself and the rest of us a favor by taking a good, long look at Media Matters' highly informative and slightly entertaining coverage of Rush Limbaugh.

Highlights from Hour 3

Outrageous comments

LIMBAUGH: Obama has his reasons and I do think they're couched in the notion that this country's guilty. This country is guilty as it exists and as it was founded, and our guilt was confirmed in the way we conducted the war on terror so we've got to spank ourselves. And he thinks this will show the rest of the world what a decent guy he is, what a decent country we are.

Clips from this hour

Limbaugh on Obama's reasons for releasing interrogation memos: "This country is guilty as it exists and as it was founded, and our guilt was confirmed in the way we conducted the war on terror so we've got to spank ourselves"

Discussing Will column, Limbaugh suggests he didn't wear denim in 60s, adds "I didn't want to be identified with those in my generation that were bombing buildings"