This hour of the Limbaugh Wire brought to you by "moral idiocy"
By Simon Maloy

So, yesterday we said we'd send an intern down into rural Virginia to test Mark Steyn's hypothesis that Dijon mustard -- the same kind President Obama so haughtily slathered his hamburger with -- is an "urban" foodstuff that most people would not find "regular." Well, it turns out the interns didn't want to hitchhike (the higher-ups wouldn't cover the travel expense) several hundred miles in the rain to see if there was indeed Grey Poupon on the shelves at the Food City in Pennington Gap, Virginia (population: 1,781). There was no way we were going to leave the security of the Beltway, so we settled on the next-best option -- giving Food City in Pennington Gap a call. Not only did the extremely gracious Food City representative on the other end of the line confirm that they do, in fact, sell Grey Poupon, she actually sounded surprised that we would ask such a stupid question.

Anyway, Mark Davis took over for Mark Steyn behind the golden microphone today, so let's get to it. Davis got things started by noting that the Director of National Intelligence and the CIA released documents demonstrating that House Speaker Nancy Pelosi was briefed on the use of enhanced interrogation techniques back in 2002, and that this would "seem to contradict" her statements that she was unaware that these techniques were being used. Davis said that Pelosi, even at her "highest moment of ego," never dreamed that her objections to these techniques would convince then-President Bush to soften them, so she said nothing. The "funny thing" about Bush, Davis said, was that he "wanted to win the war."

But now we have new circumstances, Davis said -- a new president and the absence of a desire to use techniques that a decent society can use to protect itself. According to Davis, the argument from the left is that when we waterboarded Khalid Shaikh Mohammed and Abu Zubaydah, we "cashed in our chips" on being a decent society. Davis disagreed with this, saying that the measure of a decent society is one that is willing to do whatever it can to save lives. Davis elaborated: "We just have diametrically opposed notions of what a decent and civilized society does. To some in this country -- apparently the president of the United States and his party -- decency and civility are defined not by the desire to save American lives but rather the desire to make sure that the detainees are not made uncomfortable."

Davis then said that waterboarding worked, and if you were to put together a list of techniques that would be forbidden, something that we do to "our own guys" to help them get used to what might happen if they fall into "evil hands" and "the worse enemy hands" can't be included on the list, because if we do it to our own guys, that isn't torture and it isn't "unspeakably terrible." We must say that's imparting a rather lily-livered character to the "evil hands" out there. If they're so "evil," why are they using techniques that aren't "unspeakably terrible"? As we explained when Mark Steyn made this argument a couple of weeks ago, SERE training incorporates these techniques because they were recognized to be torture techniques employed by enemy regimes. The New York Times reported that SERE training offers "a sample of the torture methods used by Communists in the Korean War, methods that had wrung false confessions from Americans." Nonetheless, Davis said he's tired of hearing the "moral equivalency" of people bringing up the fact that the U.S. convicted several Japanese soldiers of waterboarding allied prisoners of war during World War II. Davis said this is a "moral idiocy" that boggles his mind and ensnares the thought processes of many elected officials.

After the break, Davis took a call from a man who said he was an aviator and that he underwent SERE training, which was "unpleasant," but you get through it, and some of the Democrats who oppose waterboarding would understand that if they underwent SERE training. Davis wondered if what the caller was saying was that if a disapproving legislator were waterboarded -- like Sen. Chris Dodd (an image Davis wanted to savor for a moment) -- then they would emerge from it and acknowledge that it isn't torture. Davis said the caller was "dreaming" if he thought this, and imparting to them a clarity and wisdom that they don't possess, because they're opposition is all about opposing Bush.

One more break, and Davis proclaimed his fascination with Roger Simon's Politico column this morning on Elizabeth Edwards, saying that Simon dared to say some counter-narrative things that he finds himself agreeing with. Then Davis took a call from a man who was upset that the previous caller stole a lot of his thunder, but he still couldn't believe that President Obama is willing to have three Somali pirates shot and to send unmanned attack drones into Pakistan, but he won't allow enhanced interrogation techniques. Davis, instead of explaining the contextual differences between a hostage situation, a military operation, and an interrogation, said that it was amazing that so many on the left spend more time talking about the evil of America than the evil America has vanquished. The caller then lamented the media coverage of Pelosi and the interrogation briefings, wondering how stupid the American people can be if they believe it. Davis said the American people are stupid enough to vote in ways that undermine the war on terror and endanger the security of the country.

Davis' next caller cited approvingly Col. Ralph Peters' column in the New York Post this morning, saying that the Obama administration is not willing to make hard choices in the war on terror. Davis said that treating as paramount the comfort of detainees in Guantánamo Bay is the very definition of not being serious about protecting America.

Yet another break and Davis was back, reading extensively from Roger Simon's column. After one more break, he closed out the hour by reading from a column by David Feherty, who wrote that "if you gave any U.S. soldier a gun with two bullets in it, and he found himself in an elevator with Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid, and Osama bin Laden, there's a good chance that Nancy Pelosi would get shot twice, and Harry Reid and bin Laden would be strangled to death." Davis wanted to read from this, he said, because Feherty's "words speak enormous volumes."

Highlights from Hour 1

Outrageous comments

DAVIS: We just have diametrically opposed notions of what a decent and civilized society does. To some in this country -- apparently the president of the United States and his party -- decency and civility are defined not by the desire to save American lives but rather the desire to make sure that the detainees are not made uncomfortable.

[...]

DAVIS: David Feherty is a golf analyst for CBS -- wait for it. Wait for it. David Feherty is a golf analyst for CBS and he wrote a piece in D Magazine, which is the city magazine here in Dallas, and it was all about the return of George W. Bush, 'cause obviously President Bush now lives about 10 miles from the building in which I now sit, and it's an honor to have him here.

One of the articles that they wrote was called -- that they have for this magazine -- was called "Almost totally famous": "I, too, am a huge celebrity who happens to live in Preston Hollow. I expect George W. to drop by very soon." As you can tell, David Feherty, golf analyst for CBS, has a magnificent sense of humor. But what he also has, though, is a magnificent gift for phraseology, and he spent some time talking about what it's like to have George W -- what it will be like to have George W in the neighborhood.

And David Feherty writes, in the midst of a piece that is meant to have a bit of a wink and a nudge, just sort of talks about what it's like to have W in the neighborhood and how people should feel about that. And he spends time talking about how the troops feel about him. David Feherty writes: "From my own experience visiting the troops in the Middle East, I can tell you this: Despite how the conflict has been portrayed by our glorious media, if you gave any U.S. soldier a gun with two bullets in it, and he found himself in an elevator with Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid, and Osama bin Laden, there's a good chance that Nancy Pelosi would get shot twice, and Harry Reid and bin Laden would be strangled to death."

This hour of the Limbaugh Wire brought to you by the new, "cool" conservatism
By Simon Maloy

Davis got the second hour started by announcing that he has "big tent fatigue." After offering one of the better Arlen Specter impersonations we've heard, Davis said he was glad that Specter is being treated "like garbage" by his new Democratic colleagues.

Rush was right, Davis said, in calling for a "teaching tour." Davis exhorted Republicans to be conservatives -- the Democrats have been pretty successful at being liberals, so why shouldn't the GOP be conservative? But this big tent stuff is nonsense, Davis said, because it is about candidates, not voters. Davis wants to "dismantle" the big tent in the sense that any person with "cockamamie" ideas who wins a primary can become a Republican standard-bearer. Davis wanted a candidate who will tell voters that if you're a squishy liberal on the issues, "there's the door." It's a shame, according to Davis, that there are so few candidates with that much "courage."

Davis then asked whether conservatives have to soften their stance on immigration to appeal to Latinos. "No!" was the resounding response to his own question as he explained that some of he most impassioned feelings toward border security he's heard have come from Latinos. But not all Latinos think that way, Davis noted, so how are conservatives to fix this? They can pander, or offer clarity. This is a very "binary" choice, for the most part, said Davis, and the strategy doesn't have to be complex: "Keep it simple, stupid." Just find conservatives who are upbeat and pleasant and send them out there on a teaching tour, not a listening tour. But forget the big tent, said Davis, because you never see the Democrats fretting over the size of their tent, seeking to draw in pro-lifers or people who are "hostile towards terrorism."

So, Davis concluded, the new, revitalized GOP will accept shades of conservative ideology, but if you're sufficiently to the left, just go be a Democrat. Davis explained: "The pool I want to fill, in Republican land, is a pool filled with the water of liberty and personal responsibility, and low taxes, and strong limited government, and, really, in the very short term, doing our damndest to stop this poisonous agenda that has been jammed down America's esophagus for the last 110 or so days." But that doesn't mean you have to be negative, explained Davis: "Promote the positives: good diet, exercise, clean living, but also, if you get some horrible disease, you need to cure it -- and that might be what you need to do first. You know, if you've got a tumor, let's get the tumor out and then talk about whether you're, you know, eating a carrot stick and taking a walk. First things first."

After the break, Davis took a call from a 19-year-old woman in California, the daughter of Iraqi immigrants, who wanted to explain how Obama won the youth vote -- liberals are exactly like teenagers because they act only on "emotion" and only understand "cool" and "funny." The GOP, she said, has to stop talking policy to the youth and find some young candidates who love conservatism and know what they're talking about and can relate to the youth. Davis said this is "genius." These candidates, he said, still have to be serious, policy-minded guys, but they have to tap into the culture and "make conservatism cool." Perhaps Davis and the caller were unaware, but this effort is already underway, but the results have been less than... optimal.

Anyway, another break and Davis was back with some words of hope for the audience: "As I've said, if you take a look at current events, we laugh lest we cry. So the Republic still hangs by a thread. We are probably in greater danger from terror because of the softness of the current administration, but, sometimes, you just got to have a chuckle." Speaking of the current administration, Davis then turned to attacking Obama for cutting funding for the State Criminal Alien Assistance Program, which "provides states a federal subsidy to offset the costs of jailing illegal immigrants." There are two things you can say about Obama's budget cuts, said Davis -- they're either so small as to be laughable, or they cut things that actually work.

Then it was on to Obama's upcoming Notre Dame speech, which has outraged every Catholic in the country, judging by Fox News' coverage of the issue. Of course, Catholics, by and large, are not upset, but a vocal minority of conservative Catholics insist it's a controversy, so let's run with it. Apparently, a conservative group wanted to put up a billboard near the school attacking Obama as "pro-abortion," but was stymied by the billboard company, which insisted the group change the language to "pro-choice." Davis understood this is a semantic game, but nonetheless intoned: "Should the people have been able to say that the president was not pro-choice or even pro-abortion choice, but pro-abortion? You know, when you stick up for infanticide like this guy has." Point of clarity -- Obama has never stuck up for infanticide. Never -- not once -- except in the fevered dreams of Jill Stanek and Rush Limbaugh.

After another break, Davis noted that Obama is also going to be speaking at Arizona State, and that people are being told to show up four hours ahead of time and wait in the midday Arizona sun. Davis said it would be easy to attack Obama for inconveniencing these people, but every president has to go through this -- wherever they go it becomes an instant nightmare for everyone. Then he took a call from a self-identified conservative deist who wondered if there was room for conservative atheists in the new Mark Davis Republican big tent. "Sure!" was the response. If you're a hardcore atheist who also believes in lower taxes and winning the war, then, of course, you can be a Republican.

One more break and one more caller before the hour ended, this one from a woman who teaches at a large Michigan university claiming that the communications program at her school is run by a radical liberal who indoctrinates the "young blondes" who go on TV as Republican strategists. Davis thanked her for pointing out that even the young conservatives on TV are having their minds "poisoned" by liberals.

Highlights from Hour 2

Outrageous comments

DAVIS: The pool I want to fill, in Republican land, is a pool filled with the water of liberty and personal responsibility, and low taxes, and strong limited government, and, really, in the very short term, doing our damndest to stop this poisonous agenda that has been jammed down America's esophagus for the last 110 or so days. Now that doesn't mean I want to be negative. I don't. But in order to bring about the positives of liberty and of low taxes and small government -- in order to get to the positives of this, you've got to stop the negatives.

It's like health. Your health, your doctor -- you're looking out for your own health. What are the two things that you need to do? Promote the positives: good diet, exercise, clean living, but also, if you get some horrible disease, you need to cure it -- and that might be what you need to do first. You know, if you've got a tumor, let's get the tumor out and then talk about whether you're, you know, eating a carrot stick and taking a walk. First things first.

[...]

DAVIS: As I've said, if you take a look at current events, we laugh lest we cry. So the Republic still hangs by a thread. We are probably in greater danger from terror because of the softness of the current administration, but, sometimes, you just got to have a chuckle.

America's guest-Truth Rejector

Davis falsely claimed Obama "stick[s] up for infanticide":

DAVIS: Should the people have been able to say that the president was not pro-choice or even pro-abortion choice, but pro-abortion? You know, when you stick up for infanticide like this guy has, you know, when -- I mean, I -- listen, I believe there are -- I know some people who are pro-choice, who are thrilled if someone puts a baby up for adoption, who are thrilled if someone chooses to keep the baby.

Pro-choicers, they're good for the good; great. They don't want to terminate -- a pregnancy to be terminated, but if that's what a woman chooses to do, she should have that right. Blah blah blah. So I know pro-choicers. I've been around pro-choicers. Pro-choicers are friends of mine.

This president, man, I -- there are some people I think who are so radical about this that they do begin to give off a vibe of actually being pro-abortion.

This hour of the Limbaugh Wire was largely consumed by "unfettered dorkery"
By Simon Maloy

One more hour to go, and Davis got it rolling by explaining that he eventually will get around to attacking Obama this hour, because "[t]his is the president who went to Georgetown and said, 'Cover up the Jesus stuff.' This is a president whose enthusiasm for the termination of pregnancies seems to be unprecedented." Not true. See, Davis was referring to Obama's April 14 speech at Georgetown's Gaston Hall, before which the administration asked the university to cover up all the signs and symbols on the stage, one of which happened to be an image of the name of Jesus. The hacks at CNSNews.com got wind of this and accused Obama, falsely, of specifically requesting that Jesus' name be covered. And thus, a smear was born.

The next 20 minutes or so of the program were lost on us, because it was devoted entirely to the merits of Star Trek in all its iterations, including the new movie that's coming out. We were never really into Star Trek -- too young for the Shatner glory days and too socially well-adjusted in general -- so we can't begin to tell you if there was any conservative misinformation going on. If he had been talking Star Wars, then we would have been all over it. (OK, maybe not that well-adjusted.) Nonetheless, it was refreshing to hear The Rush Limbaugh Show take so thorough a detour into, as Davis himself called it, "unfettered dorkery."

After the break, we moved on from Star Trek back to the Notre Dame "controversy," as Davis noted that an archbishop at the Vatican attacked Notre Dame for creating a "scandal" by inviting Obama to speak. Davis wondered how Catholics can support the Democratic Party when its platform is to be "cavalier about the unborn." Davis asked: "Can you be a Democrat and a Catholic in good standing at the same time?" We guess it's harder than being an atheist Republican... Anyway, Davis again linked Notre Dame to Georgetown, repeating the Jesus distortion: "You know what happened when the president wanted to go to Georgetown -- they called Georgetown and said, 'Yeah, you know, the IHS thing? The Jesus imagery? Yeah, you need to cover that up.' And I don't know what angers me more -- that the White House called and asked them to do it or that Georgetown agreed to do it." Davis said that "discourse" on this controversy is useless because neither Obama nor Notre Dame are going to change their views on abortion.

Then we went back to Star Trek as Davis took a caller who saw the movie and appeared to enjoy it.

Coming back from a quick break, Davis noted that Secretary of Defense Robert Gates has ordered a review of notification procedures for "training events" like the Air Force One flyover. Davis said notification procedures don't matter -- this whole thing was a bad idea from square one. Davis explained that he is inclined to have some respect for Gates, but he also screwed up in allowing the media to photograph the coffins of dead soldiers as they return to the United States. Now, you may be thinking: "This is ridiculous to blame Gates. The families are allowed to decide whether or not the media are allowed to photograph the coffins." Well, Davis had a ready-made response for you: "It's not just about them [the families]." Davis elaborated, explaining what his thoughts would be if one of his children were killed in military service: "It is the country's business. And just because I have a moment where I might kind of think that I'd sort of like the footage of his returning remains to be on MSNBC, maybe we, as a nation, are not served well by the availability of this footage and the presenting of it to, and then by, a dominant media culture that lives to talk this war down."

After another Star Trek detour and another break, Davis came back reading from an AFP story on President Obama's "new scheme to use unemployment insurance as a springboard to get laid-off workers back to work, by offering expanded access to retraining education." Davis said the list of things that Obama wants the government to do that are none of the government's business continues to grow. The private sector is supposed to create jobs, Davis said, not the government (except government jobs).

Then Davis finally got around to mixing politics and Star Trek, saying that he'd like for the EIB network to institute a new policy whereby any pronouncement from President Obama is accompanied by the "red alert" sound from Star Trek. He then played an example of what that might sound like, which nearly tore out our eardrums (we knew we didn't like Star Trek for a reason).

After one last break, Davis took a caller whose daughter attends Notre Dame, and she explained that about 50 people were arrested this morning in a protest led by none other than Alan Keyes, who, when he ran against Obama for the Senate in 2004, memorably announced that Jesus would not vote for Obama. Davis said that he's not a Catholic, but, right now, he thinks he "may value the tenets of the faith more than the university does on this occasion in inviting such a radically, radically anti-life president."

And with that, we'll call it a wrap for the week here at the Limbaugh Wire. Unlike yesterday, we didn't learn anything new, but our distaste for Star Trek was renewed and reinvigorated. Rush will be back on Monday. Until then, have a great weekend, and be sure to check out Media Matters' Limbaugh archives. May the force be with you.

Highlights from Hour 3

Outrageous comments

DAVIS: What is up with Democratic Catholics? I mean, how exactly does that work? How, as Catholics, can you belong to a party, one of whose basic tenants is to be cavalier about the unborn? I mean, I guess I don't -- what am I expecting? For every Catholic to be a Republican? I don't know.

I mean, I know there are Catholics who are liberal on certain things and the Democratic Party would be their natural default setting, but when you get to the unborn, I'm just going to say that -- oh boy. Does Rush need these emails? Can you be a Democrat and a Catholic in good standing at the same time? You know, hey -- please tell me how you can. You've got 35 minutes to -- for somebody to tell me how you can.

[...]

DAVIS: Boy, that returning -- the returning coffins at Dover. See, it's kind of funny. It's like a similar theme. Here's another thing that he was willing to accommodate the minute, the minute someone said, "Hey" -- according -- this is at a White House news conference. The minute someone said, "Hey, let's start allowing video of our returning soldiers coming back in their coffins at Dover." There is only one answer to that, and that answer is no -- for the dignity of the procedure, for the concerns of the families.

And I love this: They said, "Well, if the family says it's OK, we'll do it." Well, guess what? Excuse me -- two reasons that's not OK. Number one: Nobody should be badgering the family. You know, "Oh, please, let us do it. Please let us do it. Come on, come on, come on. We'll tell your son's story." If it's the media badgering them or somebody else badgering, "Oh, come on. Let's honor your son by having that footage on CNN."

Nobody should -- no. No. Just no. And number two -- and sorry about this: It's not just about them. If, God forbid -- and so that I don't seem like a complete, you know, heartless whatever, I'll make it about me. And I believe you me, I don't enjoy saying this next paragraph. God forbid -- of course, I know that I would be prouder than if my son were to grow up and be in the military. If, God forbid, he gives his life -- well, he dies, I'd be proud that he gave his life for my country.

But if God forbid, he should die and his remains come back and come out the back of a transport plane to Dover, I am not the only person whose business that is. It is the country's business. And just because I have a moment where I might kind of think that I'd sort of like the footage of his returning remains to be on MSNBC, maybe we, as a nation, are not served well by the availability of this footage and the presenting of it to, and then by, a dominant media culture that lives to talk this war down.

[...]

DAVIS: This is going to be a real ground zero, if that term is usable anymore, for this debate -- and rightfully so. Notre Dame has, in a way, asked for it. And I love Notre Dame, and I have a huge respect for the Catholic faith. And the enduring question is: Do I -- as a non-Catholic, I may value the tenets of the faith more than the university does on this occasion in inviting such a radically, radically anti-life president. OK -- not to bring down the room.

America's guest-Truth Rejector

Repeated distortion that Obama asked Georgetown to cover up Jesus prior to speech:

DAVIS: This is the president who went to Georgetown and said, "Cover up the Jesus stuff." This is a president whose enthusiasm for the termination of pregnancies seems to be unprecedented.

[...]

DAVIS: You know what happened when the president wanted to go to Georgetown -- they called Georgetown and said, "Yeah, you know, the IHS thing? The Jesus imagery? Yeah, you need to cover that up." And I don't know what angers me more -- that the White House called and asked them to do it or that Georgetown agreed to do it.