This hour of the Limbaugh Wire brought to you by Statist Farm insurance
By Simon Maloy

As you're probably aware, we're not really big on conspiracy theories. But it's our lot in life to monitor The Rush Limbaugh Show, which is a prime breeding ground for lunatic flights of fancy, so we spend a great deal of time debunking them, whether they be birther nonsense, wacky environmentalist plots to take control of your lives, or the Obama plan to purposefully destroy the economy in order to plausibly assert increased government control. But it's important to remember that for all the crazy stuff out there, sometime there actually is a conspiracy. For example, Rush has, over the past week, gleefully predicted that members of Congress will be harassed by their constituents about health care reform at town hall meetings during the August recess. This is because, says Limbaugh, the people more people learn about the proposed reform, the more they oppose it. But it turns out there actually may be something of a conspiracy going on here -- a leaked memo from a far-right tea party group encouraging activists not only to attend town hall meetings with their representatives, but to be disruptive, to try to "rattle" their member of Congress, and to make it appear as though they speak for a larger group of Americans than they actually do. It's astroturfing, plain and simple.

Rush got this Monday rolling by saying his mind was boggled. Rush explained that he was just sitting there minding his own business, and then he was sent the sound bite roster for today's show, and he discovered that they "trashed" Rush's diet on Good Morning America and The View today. Rush said if they want to talk to Rush about it, fine, but they didn't - they just played audio clips of Rush talking about it. Rush aired the audio of Good Morning America, and defended his diet regime against the "medical babe," Dr. Marie Savard, GMA hosted to criticize it. Rush guaranteed that if Obama were on this diet, they'd be loving it. They'd be broadcasting it coast to coast. None of the criticism makes sense, said Rush, and these people are so contradictory -- they're attacking obesity as the main driver behind rising health care costs, but they're attacking Rush's efforts to combat obesity. Then Rush aired the discussion of his diet from The View, saying that all these people wish he was dead anyway, so why aren't they celebrating that he's taking these so-called health risks? They're just mad that he's looking "studly," said Rush.

Leading into the break, Rush gave us a rundown of what the rest of the show will look like: Cash for Clunkers? What a "boondoggle"! Health care? People are "erupting"! Also, said Rush, people in LA are putting up posters of Obama made up to look like Heath Ledger's Joker. Rush has always said that the downfall of Obama will happen when it becomes "cool" to make fun of the guy, and that's starting to happen.

After the break, Rush announced that he has learned what the names of the new government health insurance companies will be: "There are going to be two insurance companies run by the government: AllStatist and Statist Farm. Like a big brother, Statist Farm will be there. Statist Farm is also where you will be put out to pasture once you're 70 years old and in bad health." Do you get it? "State" is the root word for "statist," so they sound similar. That's the funny part of the joke, in case you couldn't tell.

Anyway, Rush then moved on to audio sound bites of a town hall meeting held by Health and Human Services Secretary Kathleen Sebelius and Sen. Arlen Specter (D-PA) in Philadelphia. In the first bite, a man asked Sebelius why we should trust members of Congress to reform health care if they don't even read the bill, and rowdiness ensued. Rush said this is just the beginning. We're being told that these people are an unruly mob ginned up by talk radio, but this is easy to understand. Congress hasn't read the bill, and the people don't want to give up their insurance, and we've found video of Obama saying the goal is to get rid of private insurance. It's the plan, said Rush, it's in the bill. And Sebelius, according to Rush, could barely hide her disdain for the voters showing up at this meeting. She's part of this cabal that looks at government as parliamentarian royalty. And when she gets out there and sees real America, which she's not in touch with, she's totally shocked that these serfs have the audacity to object to anything she says.

In the next bite, Specter said senators have to make judgments quickly, and Sebelius pointed out the Senate bill isn't even written yet. They know what's going to be in that bill, said Rush. That crowd -- this was Philadelphia, it's about as Democrat-union as you can get. The city recently built a brand new skyscraper that had these newfangled toilets that didn't need pipes, said Rush, but the steamfitters union blew a gasket so they had to put in these worthless pipes. And you notice, said Rush, that when Specter said we have to make judgments very fast, people said no you don't. People are not stupid, this is easily understandable, and that's why there's so much trouble out there.

Another break and Rush came back saying that he has some specific questions that he'd like to see people at health care town halls with their representatives start asking: What diseases and drugs will be covered? How long will it take before I lose my private insurance that I like? Up to what age are my diseases covered? Pelosi was asked by Bloomberg if she expects private insurers to be partners in health care reform, said Rush, and she called them villains. You're not being given more power or leverage, said Rush, you're being sandwiched and squeezed. The purpose is to demonize the insurance companies because they don't like what they see in the polling data. One of the groups that Obama is losing the fastest on this are the precious independents, said Rush. They're bailing on this thing. And when they start losing the elderly, then there's going to be hell to pay. But here's the bottom line, said Rush, is t hat it doesn't matter to them. They don't care what the public thinks. This is about forcing something down our throats, even when a vast majority of people do not want it.

Throughout the campaign, said Rush, and even after the inauguration, Obama promised that nobody making under $250,000 would have a tax increase. That is now off the table. It came up on the Sunday shows, Rush said, during which the hosts had a one-track mind in declaring the recession over. We have a situation where the press is willing to say that the recession is over, but people are still losing their jobs. Geithner was asked by Stephanopoulos about tax increases, and he said we're going to have to do what it takes. Rush said you're being told to wave goodbye to that $250,000 promise. We're being told that we have no choice, said Rush. Larry Summers told Bob Schieffer said it's never a good idea to rule things out. Rush said: "So here you have two officials of the Obama administration virtually promising you that your taxes are going up."

The Wall Street Journal has a great editorial on cash for clunkers, said Rush, though he cautioned that he thinks people are looking at this the wrong way. Cash for clunkers, said Rush, is an example of how you would properly stimulate the economy. Nothing has forced people into the showrooms like this -- put money into the pockets of the American people. You don't do that by writing checks, you do that by cutting taxes. But instead we're talking about extending unemployment benefits. The more you pay people unemployment, said Rush, the more they will put off seeking work. Obama and the Democrats want you to willingly turn over as much of your liberty and freedom as possible. Republicans are opposing the cash for clunkers program in a unique way, said Rush, pointing out that most of the money is going to auto companies that are owned by the government. Rush said he opposes the program for the precedent that it sets -- you can't get a car unless the government pays you. But this reveals how you really stimulate an economy. Rush had this to add: "And I'll guarantee you if this program dies and doesn't get fueled with anymore money it's because they're ultimately decided they don't want you to have that much money. They don't want your hard earned tax money to be returned to you, in however way it comes."

After another break Rush rounded out the hour with a caller from our hometown, Greenwich, Connecticut, who said that she and her cousin have read through the House health care bill and discovered that this is essentially Medicaid, and they'll take your pre-existing condition, but they'll deny you some necessary treatments. What's going to happen, said the caller, is that we'll reach a point where the government is going to have to start instituting caps, because if everyone is basically on Medicaid, you're not going to have the option to pay out of pocket for a procedure. Rush asked if she's saying that the very wealthy in this country aren't going to be able to pay for their own treatment. Caller said it's not clear whether private practice will be affected, but it's the procedures she's worried about, and she's going to start a blog with a doctor. There's going to be a separate health care system for the wealthy elite, said Rush.

Greg Lewis and Zachary Pleat contributed to this edition of the Limbaugh Wire.

Highlights from Hour 1

Outrageous comments

LIMBAUGH: Folks, I have learned what the government's new insurance companies are going to be called. As you know, Nancy Pelosi has made it plain, it's time this month in August, demonize the insurance companies. That's how they're gonna try to get you to change your mind and go in the opposite direction where you're going now, and that is support Obama's health-care plan. There are going to be two insurance companies run by the government: AllStatist and Statist Farm. Like a big brother, Statist Farm will be there. Statist Farm is also where you will be put out to pasture once you're 70 years old and in bad health.

[...]

LIMBAUGH: Here's Geithner and your middle-class tax increase coming up. Stephanopoulos says revenues are on the table as well here?

[begin audio clip]

GEITHNER: Again, we're not at the point here where we're going to make a judgment about what it's going to take, but the --

STEPHANOPOULOS: But you're not ruling it out, you can't rule it out.

GEITHNER: What I think the country needs to do is understand we're gonna have to do what it takes. We're gonna have to do what's necessary.

[end audio clip]

LIMBAUGH: You're just being told to wave goodbye to that promise that you're not gonna have a tax increase if you earn less than $250,000 a year. And he said in this interview we have no choice. We have no choice. Country needs to understand, we're going to have to do what it takes. Bob Scheiffer talking to Larry Summers. You don't see another round of tax increases coming? No tax increases for middle income Americans?

SUMMERS [audio clip]: There's a lot that can happen over time. But the priority right now -- and so it's never a good idea to absolutely rule things out, no matter what.

LIMBAUGH: They already did rule it out. Obama already did rule it out. So here you have two officials of the Obama administration virtually promising you that your taxes are going up.

[...]

LIMBAUGH: And I'll guarantee you if this program dies and doesn't get fueled with any more money, it's because they have ultimately decided they don't want you to have that much money. They don't want your hard-earned tax money to be returned to you, in however way it comes.

This hour of the Limbaugh Wire brought to you by conservative rent-a-mobs
By Greg Lewis

Rush got the second hour of his program started by asking his audience, "who the hell do you think you are" to think that they deserve the same health care as their members of Congress. "If you think you deserve the same health care as Barney Frank," Rush stated, "your health care problem is mental illness." Rush explained that he was illustrating a point here -- the media always laments after low turnout elections that more people need to get involved in politics. But when you get involved, Time magazine does stories asking if there is too much democracy -- as Rush states they did back in the 90s. Rush referred back to the Kathleen Sebelius-Arlen Specter town hall -- you're supposed to be quiet, respectful, and believe everything they say, but they're getting hell from "average Americans." Rush said the crowd was shouting that they were lying -- they know they're lying, but they don't think that you know they're full of it. Rush went on to play another town hall-gone-to-chaos, this one of Rep. Tim Bishop (D-NY) from back in June.

We want to point out that while Rush repeatedly describes these town hall events as being taken over by regular Americans who know that their representatives are "full of it," the truth is that those voicing their discontent are activists of the teabagger sort who show up specifically to heckle their members of Congress "in an effort to sway the debate and drown out reform supporters."

After the break, Rush took a caller who made essentially the same point we just did in the previous paragraph. She said she heard from Richard Wolffe on MSNBC saying that the "hoopla" is coming from right-wing organizations in cahoots with insurance companies, and individuals are being bused into the meetings and told to be disruptive. Rush was skeptical this story was true, saying that he doesn't trust Richard Wolffe or NBC as sources, but said that even if it was, it was about time conservatives had something to counter ACORN and union rent-a-mobs that liberals have used for years. Rush can complain about the media all he wants and malign them as a source, but this isn't sourced to Richard Wolffe or Politico -- it's sourced to a memo from tea party organizers themselves on how to best "rock the town halls." As we just explained, this is all about political activists who believe Obama is a socialist making waves and creating a false sense of turmoil.

Then Rush read from an Associated Press article reporting that tax revenues have posted the biggest drop since the Great Depression. Rush says we have gone beyond the "malaise of Jimmy Carter." Rush went on to brag about Ronald Reagan's tax cuts, noting how he drastically cut the top marginal tax rate in 1981, and by 1989, the government's revenue from taxes had greatly increased. However, Rush was a little vague about the 1981 recession -- Reagan's initial tax cuts were followed by 16 months of rising unemployment. We've made this point before: "Using Rush's own standards for success, we can only come to two conclusions -- Obama is an economic genius in the mold of Reagan, or Reagan was an authoritarian statist in the mold of Obama."

Rush went on to say that he doesn't think Obama, Summers, Geithner, or Emanuel care about revenue -- they only care about reducing the deficit to so that the "ChiComs" continue to buy our debt.

After another break, Rush addressed the burning question of "how do we fight these people?" Rush said that you have to look at Saul Alinsky's Rules for Radicals to realize that they are using that strategy of never speaking outside the knowledge of your audience. In this case, said Rush, it means when Obama talks about his single payer health care plan (which it isn't), he uses free market words to describe it -- "comfort words," as Rush called them. This makes it difficult to argue with the people on facts because that's not how they're selling it.

Rush continued, citing an unnamed poll finding that 48 percent of people "love" their insurance, versus 19% who don't, so that means there's no political or common sense reasons to do this, just like the stimulus had nothing to do with jobs. It's about creating chaos, ranted El Rushbo. It's about expanding government, taking care of unions and ACORN, etc. The result of Obamanomics has been the single biggest drop in revenue since the Depression, and we're sitting here arguing if we should put another $2 billion into cash for clunkers.

And since we've heard this rant dozens of times before, it's not surprise it went on into the territory of Obama purposefully making the economy worse:

LIMBAUGH: "But Rush, why would somebody want to harm America?" Because he doesn't like it. He thinks it's unjust and immoral and unfair. The people that have wealth in this country have come by it ways that he thinks they haven't deserved and been honest about. He wants to take the nation's wealth and return it to the people he thinks deserve it. He wants to redistribute money so people losing their jobs and the high-income people getting their taxes raised -- it's by design, and it's not to raise money for the treasury. It is not to raise money for the government. It's to remake the country in its very foundations.

Then it was on to another Drudge special of the day -- a deceptively edited video of Obama revealing how he plans to eliminate private insurance. Rush went on to state that Obama explained in the clips that he played how his plan would eliminate private insurance through your employer. The dilemma is this: which Obama do you believe? The one who says he wants to get rid of employee health care? Or the one who says he doesn't? The answer: believe Rush, because he's not lying to you.

Also, in the middle of that rant and deceptive editing, Rush threw in a sound bite from Obama's speech this morning:

OBAMA: We have lived through an age when many people and institutions have acted irresponsibly -- when service often took a backseat to short-term profits; when hard choices were put aside for somebody else, for some other time. It's a time when easy distractions became the norm, and the trivial has been taken too seriously. The men and women who have served since 9-11 tell us a different story. While so many were reaching for the quick buck, they were heading out on patrol.

To Rush, this meant Obama was criticizing his own country again. Of course, Rush pretty much interprets everything Obama says as criticism of the U.S.

Rush returned from another break reading instructions from the cash for clunkers website about how dealerships should disable "clunker" cars that were exchanged in the program. Rush said that it was all about disabling a perfectly fine car to make it qualify. Actually, it's all about disabling a car that has already qualified.

Then Rush went on to the White House press briefing today, with Gibbs apparently throwing Geithner and Summers "under the bus" for their comments regarding a middle-class tax increase on the Sunday shows. Rush guaranteed us that Geithner and Summers didn't go off script -- their audience on Sunday was the Chinese, and today, Gibbs' audience was you, and he was relying on your trust of Obama. Rush rounded out the hour with a caller who asked if the public option in health care reform would have an appeals process, as private insurers and Medicare and Medicaid currently have. Rush guessed there probably would be an appeals process for the "purpose of appearance" but doubted it would be efficient.

Simon Maloy and Zachary Pleat contributed to this edition of the Limbaugh Wire.

Highlights from Hour 2

Outrageous comments

LIMBAUGH: Oh, oh, forgot one big important thing: They're going to raise taxes, on everybody. It's gonna just make it worse. It's just gonna make it worse. They start raising taxes in an economic environment like this, and more jobs are gonna be lost. And I maintain to you that that's the purpose. When you look -- I know people don't want to believe this, and I know it's a tough sell. But folks, we're not idiots here. We've been at this for six months and we see it's not working, and all they're talking about it doubling down and doing the same kind of stuff, only with more money. And now adding tax increases into the mix.

"But Rush, why would somebody want to harm America?" Because he doesn't like it. He thinks it's unjust and immoral and unfair. The people that have wealth in this country have come by it ways that he thinks they haven't deserved and been honest about. He wants to take the nation's wealth and return it to the people he thinks deserve it. He wants to redistribute money so people losing their jobs and the high-income people getting their taxes raised -- it's by design, and it's not to raise money for the treasury. It is not to raise money for the government. It's to remake the country in its very foundations.

Rush Limbaugh, the most "hip" and "with it" cool cat in conservative talk radio
By Greg Lewis

The third hour got started today with Rush reading from a Bloomberg article about the Department of Transportation hiring more contract workers for the Cash for Clunkers program. Rush says nobody knows where the program stands at the moment -- all we know is that dealers are being trained to disable perfectly good cars.

Rush moved on to a CNSNews.com article reporting that the health care bill must "develop measurements of gender," but HHS Secretary Kathleen Sebelius has "no idea" what that means. After reading from the article, Rush had this to say: "She has no idea what it means when she's being instructed to develop standards for the measurement of gender. We can only guess, but I think we can make a pretty educated guess what they're doing here. You know, they're including add-a-dick-to-me people and this sort of thing."

To us, it appears that CNS News and Rush are trying really hard to see things that aren't there. It seems pretty clear that the bill is simply mandating that HHS develop standards for collecting data on gender, geography, socioeconomic status, etc. That's why the language appears under a section titled: "Collection Standards." (Page 411) It's likely the case that the authors of the bill simply used "collection" and "measurement" interchangeably in a way that couldn't possibly be considered controversial unless taken completely out of context -- which is exactly what Rush and CNS News did to roguishly imply that the government is establishing new gender categories.

Next up was an NBC New York article, headlined "College Grad Can't Find Job, Wants $$$ Back." Then Rush moved back to cash for clunkers, airing audio clips of Sen. Jim DeMint (R-SC) stating his opposition to the program on Fox News Sunday. Rush noted that DeMint "unfortunately" doesn't have the votes to block the program's expansion.

Then Rush read an article about a homeless soccer tournament that took place over the weekend. Usually sympathetic towards the homeless and their place in society, Rush was surprisingly cynical and skeptical of the idea. He was baffled as to how a homeless soccer league could operate. He wondered if they played with soccer balls or empty cans. We suggest that he take a look at the website for the sponsoring organization, Street Soccer USA, or the website for the Homeless World Cup. Or he could have taken a look at this ESPN article reporting on the tournament to find out more about its organizers, participants, and volunteers.

After the break, Rush read about a proposal to move Guantánamo Bay detainees to facilities in Kansas or Michigan. Rush noted that Harry Reid said this would never happen, yet it is. Rush speculated that moving it to Michigan would give the business to a Democrat-controlled state, and Gov. Granholm could really use it.

Then Rush took a caller who responded to the caller from the previous hour who said that the rowdy people at these town halls are really just astroturfing tea partiers. Rush said the aforementioned caller probably only watches MSNBC and NBC, and doesn't listen to talk radio or other "alternative media," so she didn't realize that left has been using "rent-a-mobs" for their causes for a long time. Rush went on to gloat about tea party activists being well versed in the specifics of the health care bill and being more informed than the government officials they talk to.

The next caller was concerned that with all the attention being given to health care recently, cap and trade and card check might end up being passed under the radar. Rush praised the caller's shrewdness for recognizing it, and went on to cite again an article in Roll Call reporting that Harry Reid is trying to sneak card check into the health care bill. That's actually not what Roll Call said -- it reported that Reid "is sketching a process for railroading the bill through the floor as quickly as possible to prevent Republicans from rallying a major campaign against it," not that he is trying to slip it into the health bill.

On the flip side of the commercial break, Rush took another caller who expressed her discontent that she received a form letter in response to a letter she sent her Congressperson voicing her concerns regarding health care reform. Rush went on to explain how it's important to ask why they're so "hell bent" on passing all of these things -- cap and trade, card check, health care -- that nobody wants. Without much surprise to us, Rush found a way to tie this to some of his favorite Latin American dictators:

LIMBAUGH: This is frightening what is being contemplated here. [...] Hugo Chavez just shut down 34 radio stations. I'm thinking Obama's looking at that, saying "Damn, someday, someday ..." And he's having -- and Raul Castro, in Cuba: "Obama, yeah, the United States less aggressive under Obama. But I was elected to improve and perfect the socialist system, and that's what I'm gonna --" Well, I -- what'd I say about Cuba last week? They've cut off everything. The country's falling apart even worse than it was -- doesn't work.

Asking again why Obama administration is trying to do things that nobody wants, Rush repeated his point from the previous hour that we don't know which Obama to trust. The answer -- completely unchanged from the previous hour -- is to trust Rush and your own instinct. He again mentioned the Joker poster of Obama that Drudge is flogging, explaining that it's becoming "cool" to make fun of Obama and not to trust Obama. This is a tipping point, he explained. And trust us, folks, when it comes to setting arbitrary standards of what is "cool," Rush Limbaugh (who owns a cat named Punkin) knows what he's talking about.

The next caller was a senior citizen who was concerned about health care rationing that would happen under health care reform. We almost don't blame the caller for believing this will happen, considering that for weeks Rush has been spreading disingenuous claims and fearmongering about health care rationing and euthanasia. Rush repeated some more of those claims in response to the caller, stating that Obama said he would deal with the elderly by telling them to "take the pain pill." As we've noted before, Obama didn't say anything of the sort.

Another break and Rush was back with more rambling about "Statist Farm" insurance:

LIMBAUGH: I told ya, I know what the name of the government insurance company that's gonna be -- AllStatist. You're in good hands with AllStatist as long as you are under 60, in perfect health, and agree to shut up when your taxes go up. And if you don't like AllStatist insurance, you can go to Statist Farm. Statist Farm is a dual-purpose. It's an insurance company and it's actually a pasture where you get put out once you exceed the age where the administration thinks it's worth investing in your health to keep you alive. So you'll get two choices. You're in good hands with AllStatist, or like a big brother, Statist Farm will be there.

Then Rush aired an audio bite of Harry Reid on the Senate floor discussing "extreme tactics" from people like Rush Limbaugh in regards to the health care debate. Rush responded by saying that Reid will have a tough time selling health care if his objective is to demonize insurance companies, because most people are satisfied with their health care. Rush mentioned that was warned by Snerdly that he would have to double his security if health care reform fails, since people will blame him for it.

The final caller of today's program complained about the story Rush read earlier this hour about the student suing her university for not being able to get a job. The caller argued with Rush whether suing people when you don't get your way was part of our culture now.

That was it for today. We hope that in the near future, the arbiter of coolness, Rush Limbaugh, will deem our little operation here "cool" in the same we he just declared that joking about Obama is now "cool." In case you need convincing, evidence of our obvious coolness is oozing out of every corner of the Limbaugh Wire archives.

Simon Maloy, Hannah Dreier, and Zachary Pleat contributed to this edition of the Limbaugh Wire.

Highlights from Hour 3

Outrageous comments

LIMBAUGH: Now get this. This from the Cybercast News Service. Health and Human Services Secretary Kathleen Sebelius says she has, quote-unquote, "no idea" about a section of the Senate health-care freeform bill that requires her to, quote, "develop standards for the measurement of gender," close quote, as opposed to simply relying on male and female for use in a new federal database that'll collect information about all beneficiaries of government-run or government-supported health care programs.

She has no idea what it means when she's being instructed to develop standards for the measurement of gender. We can only guess, but I think we can make a pretty educated guess what they're doing here. You know, they're including add-a-dick-to-me people and this sort of thing.

[...]

LIMBAUGH: This is frightening what is being contemplated here. I saw the other day, Hugo Chavez -- did you see this, Snerdley? -- Hugo Chavez just shut down 34 radio stations. I'm thinking Obama's looking at that, saying "Damn, someday, someday ..." And he's having -- and Raul Castro, in Cuba: "Obama, yeah, the United States less aggressive under Obama. But I was elected to improve and perfect the socialist system, and that's what I'm gonna --" Well, I -- what'd I say about Cuba last week? They've cut off everything. The country's falling apart even worse than it was -- doesn't work.

[...]

LIMBAUGH: I told ya, I know what the name of the government insurance company that's gonna be -- AllStatist. You're in good hands with AllStatist as long as you are under 60, in perfect health, and agree to shut up when your taxes go up. And if you don't like AllStatist insurance, you can go to Statist Farm. Statist Farm is a dual-purpose. It's an insurance company and it's actually a pasture where you get put out once you exceed the age where the administration thinks it's worth investing in your health to keep you alive. So you'll get two choices. You're in good hands with AllStatist, or like a big brother, Statist Farm will be there.