Discussing "very important story," O'Reilly asks, "I can't figure out how they know the penguins are gay... Do they wear tight t-shirts?"
June 10, 2009 9:23 pm ET
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However, I would think that you "fair"-liberal would be outraged that this old news penguin story would get the same amount of coverage as the attack on the Holocaust museum. I mean you have spent days railing about proportionate coverage. Surely you do not believe that this penguin story deserves the same amount of coverage as a right-wing nut attacking the Holocause museum. That would make you a partisan hypocrite.
The trick is to remember to empty the chamberpot instead of washing with it (something a little too intellectually challenging for either Bill or Dennis). If you forget that, the bacterial infection that follows may damage your brain and turn you into a right wing troll: ie a commodian. So Snoop I have to disagree: while neither Miller nor Bill the Perv are comedians they may both be commodians.
They yukked it up, and stunk it up, and kissed each other's asses at the appropriate moments.
Ted Baxter does a little humor.
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Oh, come on -- surely even O'Reilly can't be quite that stupid. rEver hear of something called anatomy, Bill -- as in, female birds have certain physical structures which they use to lay eggs and which males lack? Or genetics, maybe -- as in, chromosomal differences between the sexes? Wouldn't one think that a zoo might have someone on staff -- such as a veterinarian or zoologist, perhaps -- who actually knows something about the animals they care for above and beyond the most basic and simplistic level of being able to tell a bird from a mammal, figuring out what to feed it, and keeping its enclosure clean?
Based on something I seem to remember reading about Roy and Silo -- the two male chinstrap penguins which paired up for several years at the Central Park Zoo here in New York -- the keepers were originally not entirely certain that Roy and Silo were both males since the sexes look exactly the same in most penguin species. After Roy and Silo paired up and attempted to incubate a rock instead of producing an egg, the keepers investigated and confirmed that they were indeed both male.
Oh, that's right...of course! How could I have forgotten? As far as people like O'Reilly are concerned, who needs silly things like facts or research or scientists or doctoral degrees as long as your faith in your own convictions and opinions is strong enough?
Therefore, in Troglodyte World, Gay Penguins cannot exist.
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Or for that matter, in any way "unnatural". Most birds and animals are, after all, neither sentient nor even self-aware as far as we know (or at least, certainly not in the same way that we think of it). This lack of sentience or self-awareness means, therefore, that they do not make conscious choices and therefore cannot commit sins since the definition of "sin" (at least as I have been given to understand) is an act willingly and deliberately committed by a person in the full knowledge that it is a wrongful one.
No one else get's 'em...