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Pat Robertson: Don't Worry About Living Next To Cemeteries...Unless There Are Witches

December 01, 2011 12:17 pm ET

From the December 1 edition of The 700 Club:

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    • Author by barscotch9441 (December 01, 2011 12:22 pm ET)
      18  
      And don't worry about full moons...unless you live next to some bearded fellow with sharp teeth and fleas!
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    • Author by barscotch9441 (December 01, 2011 12:22 pm ET)
      4  
      And don't worry about full moons...unless you live next to some bearded fellow with sharp teeth and fleas!
      Report Abuse
      • Author by mata ruach (December 01, 2011 5:40 pm ET)
        1  
        What about cats? There are a number of Black Cats in the neighborhood. Maybe they're witches....and they look sneaky.
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    • Author by AB-001 (December 01, 2011 12:24 pm ET)
      14  
      Oy vey! The poor woman who's mindset is so addled she has to write these kinds of questions to Pat Robertson....unless, of course, this is a prankster having a little fun.
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    • Author by beDecent (December 01, 2011 12:25 pm ET)
      12  
      Haha! So Robertson would have been great in Salem?
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      • Author by Bongo Fury (December 01, 2011 12:27 pm ET)
        8  
        Salem? Yes, he could work for Stefano Dimeara and possess Doc with demons.
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        • Author by beDecent (December 01, 2011 12:31 pm ET)
          9  
          I definitely had to Google that reference. The better Salem, where we used to actually convict and punish witches at the stake, of course. Now we let them off Scot-free.
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          • Author by ScienceBuff (December 01, 2011 12:34 pm ET)
            6  
            Unfortunately, I didn't. I almost posted a Bo and Hope reference.
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            • Author by dogbreath (December 01, 2011 12:49 pm ET)
              5  
              Oh, the Days of our Lives. They pass so quickly.
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              • Author by barscotch9441 (December 01, 2011 1:09 pm ET)
                10  
                One might even say like granulated silica traversing the analog, granulated-silica-traversal-utilizing temporal interval measuring device.
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              • Author by Bongo Fury (December 01, 2011 1:28 pm ET)
                6  
                At least Doc(Diedre Hall) has been a guest on Fox. Maybe Patty can interview her there.
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      • Author by jbrantow (December 01, 2011 12:47 pm ET)
        10  
        Can someone tie a rock to robertson and see if he sinks?
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      • Author by jbrantow (December 01, 2011 12:47 pm ET)
        7  
        Can someone tie a rock to robertson and see if he sinks?
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    • Author by The King Of Monster Island (December 01, 2011 12:29 pm ET)
         
      Next on The 700 Club: Pat's tips for warding off vampires! Then Pat will warn us of the Mummy menance!
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    • Author by GBU-15 (December 01, 2011 12:30 pm ET)
      10  
      This is the 21st century right? I thought maybe I had time-warped back to the 13th century!
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      • Author by Andy Kreiss (December 01, 2011 12:43 pm ET)
        12  
        Just what I was thinking. Sometimes I see opinion surveys, or election results, and I'm baffled, wondering how a modern, industrialized nation can seem to reflect a primitive tribe from centuries ago.

        Then I remember, there are enough people watching Pat Robertson to keep him on the air.
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    • Author by uncle.billy (December 01, 2011 12:34 pm ET)
      4  
      Or perhaps sonsofbitches like you you crazy old hater...
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      • Author by barscotch9441 (December 01, 2011 1:01 pm ET)
        9  
        Ha! Liches! I haven't heard of those in a while. And yes, I know what a ghost can do: age you 4d10 years! Plus, good luck hitting it without silver or magical weaponry of +2 or better.

        Anyone who understood what I just said?

        I hope so, and yet I hope not!
        Report Abuse
        • Author by mcbane (December 01, 2011 1:05 pm ET)
          8  
          I have some dice in my desk drawer at all times... just in case
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          • Author by barscotch9441 (December 01, 2011 1:11 pm ET)
            7  
            I used to...still have books though. Sadly, my old playing buddies from HS either moved away, or are all conservative-libertarian @$$holes now and won't talk to me anymore since I work in public schools.
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            • Author by NiceguyEddie (December 01, 2011 2:33 pm ET)
              4  
              I knew EXACTLY what you were talking about and also own enough of the material for my wife (who was in our group!) to find it embarassing. LOL.

              (PLANESCAPE, baby! LOL)

              ---------------------------------------
              IMHO
              UTOPIA
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      • Author by sonneillonv (December 01, 2011 7:38 pm ET)
           
        I think perhaps Pat does not know whereof he speaks. Most of us witches are rather nice folks. At very least, we don't walk around telling people they're destined for hell, not to mention the volumes of offensive BS Pat's come out with over the years.
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    • Author by worrierking (December 01, 2011 12:45 pm ET)
      7  
      And so called Christians, like Pat, ridicule the beliefs of others.

      You're delusions are ridiculous, while mine are sacred. After all, does your God speak to you? Pat's does.
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    • Author by Spooky Dooooooooood (December 01, 2011 12:47 pm ET)
      4  
      In other words, "I don't believe in ghosts because I know how to get rid of them." Please send your tax free donation to ....
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    • Author by einreb (December 01, 2011 12:53 pm ET)
      6  
      Denise:
      If a house recently landed on your sister, I'd think twice about planting petunias in the back yard.
      Report Abuse
    • Author by Imbecile (December 01, 2011 12:59 pm ET)
      6  
      That question has to be a joke.

      Right?

      Report Abuse
      • Author by dogbreath (December 01, 2011 1:08 pm ET)
        10  
        Nothing surprises me anymore in this country. Nothing. People have just simply run off the rails.

        Anyone hear about Bachmann and Santorum's latest foray into teaching creationism, aka intelligent design, in public schools? These people are crazy and they are driving a pretty large bus full of nutjobs. The intelligent, critical-thinking American is a dying breed, just the way the power players planned it.
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        • Author by Imbecile (December 01, 2011 1:17 pm ET)
          10  
          This might be a bit of hyperbole here, but I wouldn't be surprised if we're witnessing the early years of another Dark Ages.

          There seems to be a large movement to ridicule intellectualism, education, the arts, and any other type of enlightenment. And what's worse is that it seems to be gaining steam in some regions.
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          • Author by dogbreath (December 01, 2011 1:24 pm ET)
            8  
            I have often wondered the same thing. It seems a bit of an overreach, but, in reality, it has happened before. Human nature never really changes and that is why history is largely on a conveyor belt. I just feel like something fundamental is dying in our country, beyond politics. This just isn't the same country I grew up in.
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            • Author by Imbecile (December 01, 2011 1:36 pm ET)
              9  
              I've had similar conversations with my father.

              He'll say that things have been bad before, but that he's never, ever seen anything like this in his life (he's 65). He says that even as tumultuous as the 60s were, he didn't witness anything near this kind of animosity between people then.

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              • Author by tbone (December 01, 2011 2:07 pm ET)
                4  
                Imbecile and doggy, take heart and tell your father too as well. All that is happening is infotainment has taken root. There was far more racism, sexism, mysticism, misogyny, anti-intellectualism, etc., etc., etc. back in the day.

                The modern difference is that we have to feed the 24/7/365 media beast with SOMETHING - we are fed both the ridiculous and the sublime daily that had no platform until the last few generations. But don't confuse pre-election red meat thrown to the fringes with legitimate threats to our liberties. The time to fear is when there are legitimate chances we will amend the constitution to repeal these advances.

                Progressivism continues to march forward. Our kids are more liberal and better informed with better access to information than we are, as we were to our parents, just as it has been with every successive generation.
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            • Author by bilbo_dies (December 01, 2011 2:11 pm ET)
              4  
              that is why history is largely on a conveyor belt

              If history is a conveyor belt then it is a conveyor belt shaped like a mobious strip. (It loops endlessly and only has one side)

              BTW Who is old enough around here to remember how the country was back in the early 60's and how proud we were of our nation and worked so hard in the race to the moon.
              (yeah, I know squandered resources all based on fighting the "commies")
              I just seem to remember more pride in our academic and scientific achievements back then.
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        • Author by NiceguyEddie (December 01, 2011 3:25 pm ET)
          2  
          And to demonstrate just how absurd these people are, there would actually be nothing at all wrong with teaching Intelligent Design... in the PHILOSOPHY Classroom! Put it in the PHILOSOPHY classroon - where it belongs - and you could fill an entire semester teaching and talking about and debating it.

          But, oh no! They instist that it be taught in the SCIENCE Classroom. Where it DOESN'T belong. Where it serves no purpose other than to elevate the crack-pot alternative theory to Evolution to a level that we refuse to elevate OTHER crack-pot alternative threores (to things like heliocentrism, or relativity, for example) to.

          EVERY scientific "fact" is really "just a theory," but evolution seems to be the only one they insist on constantly poitning that out about.

          ---------------------------------------
          IMHO
          UTOPIA
          Report Abuse
      • Author by David2012 (December 01, 2011 2:00 pm ET)
        4  
        The Enlightenment isn't going away, nor are its descendants, among whom I number myself, perhaps immodestly.

        Robertson is just Elmer Gantry. Anybody who thinks anything else has been bamboozled.
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    • Author by lather (December 01, 2011 1:00 pm ET)
      6  
      Oh No!! I hear that a Guy all dressed in Red is Going around, Climbing into homes at night.
      His Clothes are all red from the BLOOD of the Children he Catches waiting up for him.
      He Can't be bought off with Sweets or Milk.
      Watch out and lock your doors.. I am sure you will be OK.



      Sorry, I put the Personalizing of "God" on the same level of making IT into a Santa.
      Silly people limit the danged "thing",
      And remember Religion and Nationalism are BAD THINGS.




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    • Author by pete592 (December 01, 2011 1:04 pm ET)
      5  
      This is has to be the MMfA spit-take-worthy of the year.
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    • Author by hoopvillain (December 01, 2011 1:36 pm ET)
      5  
      This man is seriously senile. What a freak!
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    • Author by whatIthink (December 01, 2011 1:37 pm ET)
      8  
      Wait a minute...does anyone know how close Christine O'Donnell lives to a cemetary?
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      • Author by Imbecile (December 01, 2011 1:47 pm ET)
        3  
        I understand she's lives right across the street from a huge cemetery, and has been known to go by the pseudonym "Denise" when corresponding on TV, radio, and the Internet.
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    • Author by dkylep (December 01, 2011 1:38 pm ET)
      10  
      This is just.....mindboggling. How is this possible in this day and age? People this amazingly backward still exist?

      You know, I teach History and English. There are many theories of social evolution in history. One is that humanity moves forward as a mass. It's essentially optimistic. The other is called 'Great Man' theory. It essentially postulates that the mass of mankind is, at best, stagnant. That they don't really contribute much to advancement. That it takes great men and women to essentially drag the rest of humanity kicking and screaming into the light of new discovery (for which they're often destroyed by those people they're giving benefit to). More and more, seeing more and more people as I age, I'm believing the 'Great Man' theory of historical advancement over anything else. People like this do nothing to disabuse me of my suspicion that humanity would be doomed if not for exceptional individuals throughout history that keep it alive and advancing.
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      • Author by nerzog (December 01, 2011 2:55 pm ET)
        2  
        I'm inclined to agree. I believe that most people are inherently good, but easily led one direction or another by the more charismatic among us. History is punctuated by notable people, good and bad.
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    • Author by Vesus (December 01, 2011 1:55 pm ET)
      1  
      This is what happens when senior citizens have kindergarten mentalities.
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    • Author by Nihilist (December 01, 2011 3:26 pm ET)
      2  
      burn her, she's witch!
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    • Author by What Happened to Gannon (December 01, 2011 4:08 pm ET)
      3  
      It can't be as bad as living in an African country that happens to have diamonds.
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    • Author by Egbert Souse (December 01, 2011 4:22 pm ET)
      2  
      We must give thanks that Ann Coulter does not live near any cemetery.
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    • Author by Egbert Souse (December 01, 2011 4:22 pm ET)
      1  
      We must give thanks that Ann Coulter does not live near any cemetery.
      Report Abuse
    • Author by Egbert Souse (December 01, 2011 4:47 pm ET)
      1  
      We must give thanks that Ann Coulter does not live near any cemetery.
      Report Abuse
    • Author by jonesjax2374 (December 01, 2011 5:05 pm ET)
      2  
      Finally! A hilarious conservative comic.
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