Hour 1: Discussing Iran, Fill-in Steyn Calls Obama A "Gutless Pansy" And "Stability Fetishist"

This hour of the Limbaugh Wire brought to you by the "hot" Uighur "babes"
By Simon Maloy

Here at the Limbaugh Wire, we don't care for raw tomatoes. This gustatory peculiarity usually earns us bemused looks from haughty gourmands, or expressions of sympathy that we'll never be able to enjoy the unadulterated delights of a Caprese salad. Occasionally, some nagging busybody good-natured observer will remark to us that taste buds change over time, and that we should give raw tomatoes another go, just to see if, by some strange biochemical alchemy, we now enjoy them. And every now and again we will give them another shot. The result, however, is always the same -- the offending fruit is pushed to the side of the plate, and we feel foolish for subordinating common sense to half-baked dreams of exploring new culinary vistas. We're reminded of our tomato travails on those rare occasions -- such as today -- when National Review's Mark Steyn sits in for Rush. We already know what the show will be like, but it's been so long since he last hosted that we try to convince ourselves that maybe we won't find him to be that bad -- maybe he won't talk about cat AIDS, or call President Obama "Princess Fluffy Bunny," or celebrate the "de-gaying" of marriage. But, as with tomatoes, the result is always the same -- we reproach ourselves for such pie-in-the-sky naïveté, and we're left with a bad taste in our mouths that requires lots of wine to wash out.

Anyway, Steyn got things going with a discussion of how funny the word "Uighur" sounds, particularly when pronounced phonetically. Then it was on to the big news items of the week -- North Korea is planning to celebrate July 4th by nuking Hawaii, Obama gave a press conference today on prescription drug plan for seniors that's sure to add to the deficit, and people are once again in the streets in Iran today. Steyn noted that the Iranian Council of Guardians (which he said sounds like something out of Star Wars) has found that in over 50 cities, the turnout was well over 100 percent. Steyn said that you can see why Obama is hesitant to criticize the Iranians -- apparently they've outsourced the running of the polling stations to ACORN.

Then Steyn credited the mainstream media for actually doing a "fine job," specifically praising CBS's Mark Knoller for his Twitter coverage of Obama's visit with his daughters to a Virginia ice cream parlor this weekend. Steyn also credited the New York Times for giving context to the story in reporting that this was "the latest in a series of restaurant visits since Mr. Obama took office." Steyn said this reminded him of Mark Twain's A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court, in which all news bulletins were concerned with the mundane doings of the king. Obama's visit to the ice cream parlor, noted Steyn, had no policy implications, as he didn't bring along Tim Geithner to nationalize the ice cream industry, nor did he bring along Barney Frank to introduce "sub-prime sprinkles." Steyn then credited Michael Goldfarb of the Weekly Standard for noting that after "some twitterers complained that maybe President Obama's time could be better spent given the crisis in Iran, Knoller responded, 'Surprised by the outrage at the ice cream outing. What is it you expect or want the US to do about Iran? Attack? War?' " Steyn loved this "false choice" between "war and ice cream," though he didn't stop to ponder the similarly false choice that the president should apparently be making between ice cream and Iran.

After the break, Steyn said that this will be a big week for Iran, and that there's a choice to be made regarding Iran, and it isn't hard to make. In the streets of Iran's cities, said Steyn, the people have to choose between freedom and death, and millions have chosen to live free. It's not difficult, said Steyn, adding that he doesn't know why the president thinks it is. It's the good revolutionaries versus the bad revolutionaries, Steyn said, so it shouldn't be hard to choose between a murderous regime and the people standing against them. Steny then lamented that we get all this "sophistry" from the "so-called realists" in Washington about how Obama shouldn't be seen as taking sides in this. Well, Steyn retorted, Ayatollah Khamenei has already blamed everything on the Americans, and if you're being blamed anyway, you should step up and take the right side.

After another break, Steyn remarked that he'd met a "hot" Uighur "babe" once, and that he would be open to the government resettling "hot" Uighur women in his "pad in New Hampshire." Then it was time for his first caller, who said that Obama is making the right choice on Iran, saying that we've been in trouble in the past giving supportive signals to rebellious people, and we don't need to involve ourselves until the people involved resolve their own crisis. Steyn said the caller was right, if people want freedom for themselves, they should rise up and take it, but what is at issue here is Obama deference to a regime that has been at war with the U.S. for three decades. We have a "debt of honor" to "destroy" this regime, said Steyn -- not directly, but at least through moral support to those who oppose it. After the caller asked if Steyn really believed that Obama taking that stance would really change anything, Steyn said: "Well, that's what the Iranian émigrés and that's what the leaders of this protest movement say, that they would like -- they're not asking for anything extraordinary, they're asking for him to be as butch and as macho as this president of France, that's all," adding: "Why can't he do that?" The caller said that "calm competence" is why Obama isn't doing that -- we've been doing "cowboy-ism" for too long, and it's the Iranian's responsibility to be "macho," not ours. Steyn said to the caller we have "unfinished business" with Iran, a gangster state which was enabled by Jimmy Carter. There is a debt of honor here, Steyn reiterated, and the "calm complacency" that the caller praised allowed this regime to be born. The caller actually said "calm competence," but we recognize that Steyn might have trouble recognizing competence when he sees it.

Steyn's next caller said that there were two horrible things about Obama saying there isn't much difference between Ahmadinejad and Mousavi -- people are dying in the streets for the freedom to make that choice, and those people are dying to show that the people are the real leaders of Iran. Steyn says he's right, Mousavi's positions aren't at issue here, it's about the right of the people to make that choice. What's important, Steyn said, is that you take a moral stand, and through that you can change the climate of opinion. Steyn says the signal the ayatollahs are getting from Washington right now is that Obama is a "gutless pansy" and a "stability fetishist."

One more break and Steyn rounded out the hour with a caller who wanted to correct him on the Uighurs -- they aren't just Chinese Muslims, they're also out of North Africa. Steyn said he didn't go to Harvard to get a "degree in Uighur-ology," but he thought that Uighurs were a Turkic group. Caller says that's not untrue, but there's also a huge community in North Africa. Steyn said he opposes releasing guys from Gitmo and sending them to Palau, but this might work -- if we can relocate the entire jihad to the beaches of Palau, this might work. This is like some bizarre version of Clue, said Steyn -- "it was the Uighur, with the Semtex belt, on the beaches of Palau." We've pointed out before that the Uighurs were taken off the "enemy combatants" list last year -- by the Bush administration -- and that they've never been charged with or convicted of terrorism.

Lauryn Bruck and Zachary Pleat contributed to this edition of the Limbaugh Wire.

Highlights from Hour 1

Outrageous comments

STEYN: Well, that's what the Iranian émigrés and that's what the leaders of this protest movement say, that they would like -- they're not asking for anything extraordinary, they're asking for him to be as butch and as macho as this president of France, that's all.