STEPHEN COLBERT (HOST): And I hope that doesn't upset Donald Trump because he's a bit of a hot head. Loose cannon. Powder keg. Dump truck. Pull tab. Which is why it's important for him to be counseled by people who are even keeled. Unfortunately he's talking to some jerk named Alex Jones. The far-right conspiracy theorist who is apparently taking on a new role as occasional information source and validator for Trump, with whom he sometimes speaks on the phone. OK, information source, validator, speaks on the phone. Sounds OK. Good to have a variety of voices in a time of crisis. Let's see what this guy's like.

[BEGIN VIDEO]

ALEX JONES: I'm animated, I'm alive. My heart's big. It's got hot blood going through it fast. I like to fight too. I like to eat. I like to have children. I'm here. I got a life force. This is a human, this is what we look like. This is what we act like. This is what everybody was like before us. This is what I am.

[END VIDEO]

COLBERT: This is why you don't mix steroids with peyote. This is why. This is it. 

[...]

I don't know how to explain this, but just watching that clip he somehow got spittle on me. So Alex Jones has influence in the White House. Trump has even sent in messages to Alex Jones' show congratulating him on his great reputation. Now if you've been living underground for the last few years you probably listen to Alex Jones. But for the rest of you, he runs a conspiracy website called Infowars, OK? The name's easy to remember. Just imagine info, then imagine someone at war with it. And Donald Trump's phone buddy has gained a reputation for telling it like it isn't. Like this explanation as to why men are gay.

[BEGIN VIDEO]

JONES: The reason there's so many gay people now is because it's a chemical warfare operation. Here's the inside of this juice box, and if they zoom in anymore, see that thin plastic? It's got it. After you're done drinking your little juices, well I mean you're ready to go out and have a baby. You're ready to put makeup on, you're ready to wear a short skirt.

[END VIDEO]

COLBERT: Yes, juice boxes make men into women. Couple of sips and suddenly your Capri Sun is your Capri Daughter. “It's happening.” Now -- “this is real.” Now obviously it's not fair to judge a guy on one isolated dumbass clip. So here's a bunch of them. 

[BEGIN VIDEO]

JONES: “Alex is anti-gay. He's saying the chemicals are making people gay.” Folks, it's making the frogs gay. Two-thirds of the frogs down in Houston are bisexual. Every major Western country heavily involved in 9/11. It took me about a year with Sandy Hook to come to grips with the fact that the whole thing was fake. The attacks in Orlando were a false flag terror attack. Sometimes I hear my show and it sounds like the most powerful talk radio I've ever heard. Other times it sounds like a monkey doing you know what with a football.

[END VIDEO]

COLBERT: So to recap: one of the counselors to the president knows what it sounds like when a monkey fucked a football. But, Alex Jones is not content with talking to the leader of the free world. He's also hoping Infowars will qualify for a White House press credential. So to those of you working in the White House press pool, you're going to want to get some ear plugs and a poncho. 

Previously: 

Alex Jones Apologizes To Donald Trump For Missing His Calls

104 Actual Headlines From Alex Jones’ Infowars

Trump Ally Alex Jones Explains How Television Is Being Used To Implant Demons Inside People

A Comprehensive Guide To Alex Jones: Conspiracy Theorist And Trump “Valuable Asset”