This hour of the Limbaugh Wire was paid for by the Somali pirates' Zanzibari doubloons
By Simon Maloy

Steyn got the third hour started by repeating his theory that the torture memo investigation is just like the Miss USA/gay marriage kerfuffle is all about a “thuggish” determination to make the price of “dissent” high. Then Steyn took up the “slippery slope” argument, asking where gay marriage will lead, and pointing to Iowa removing “bride” and “groom” from marriage certificates and a polygamy case going to the Canadian Supreme Court. Claiming that liberals have no problem with polygamy, Steyn said the dilemma for liberals is that they have no line to draw in their campaign to undermine the institution of marriage.

After some ranting about global warming and seatbelt laws being designed to control your life, Steyn lead into the break by mocking actress Mia Farrow for embarking on a hunger strike to call attention to the humanitarian crisis in Darfur. Steyn said the “left loves its causes” as long as they don't involve “meaningful action.” Hey, have you all read Mark Steyn's column praising the “tea partiers” for “understand[ing] that their generation will be the principal victim of this grotesque government profligacy”?

Coming back from the break Steyn took a call from a man complaining about cap-and-trade, saying that no one gains from the arrangement. Steyn said he's right, no one gains, but someone loses -- you. Steyn said it was absurd to think that you can achieve a “green economy” through taxation, you're just going to make doing business more expensive. Steyn said the only way to achieve a green economy is to live in mud huts and have the women go down to the river to beat the laundry on rocks.

Another break, and Steyn came back with a caller who expressed his opinion that Miss California was in a no-win situation with the gay-marriage question. Steyn said he's right and it's all about free speech -- the point was to make her answer an unacceptable thing to say, and now future beauty pageant contestants will know not to answer that way. Then it was on to another caller, this one asking Steyn about the legislation just passed by the Connecticut state senate that requires schools to “encourage the homosexual lifestyle” and tell students that gay marriage is the only acceptable form of marriage. The Hartford Courant called this exact claim “baseless demagoguery,” explaining that "[n]othing in the bill requires schools to 'teach gay marriage.' " But Steyn called it a “good point” as it relates to the removal of gender-specific words from school curricula.

Rounding out the show, Steyn took a call from a man who congratulated him on behalf of the entire Free Republic community and asked Steyn for advice on how to stand up to the “dismantling of our country” by the left. Steyn said that there's still hope out there because people realize the bailouts and the stimulus are a “crock,” and he encouraged people to put pressure on their local governments to reject federal stimulus payments. After declaring that he wants his “freedom” and not “a lousy $400 tax credit from Barack Obama that came from me in the first place,” Steyn kind of went off the rails a bit: “When those Navy SEALs took out -- took out the three pirates sitting in the ship and they shot them dead, did they say, 'Oh, let's have a look in the bottom of the boat. Whoa, there's a big chest here. And whoa, who would believe it, it's for $50 billion in old gold Zanzibari doubloons. Let's take that and give it to the federal treasury, and they can give it to the state of Illinois.' It's rubbish!”

Well, our desire that Mark Steyn's non-Rush voice and commentary would slake our thirst for change was not only left unfulfilled, it was exposed to us as so naïve and ridiculous that we are ashamed to have even hoped for it in the first place. But, live and learn. We'll be back tomorrow with guest host Mark Davis. Please join us, and help stave off Rush withdrawal by catching up on Media Matters' ever-growing Limbaugh archives.

Highlights from Hour 3

Outrageous comments

STEYN: Now that ridiculous woman, that Susan Roesgen, Roshten -- whatever she is -- from CNN who was berating that fella standing in the street at that demonstration in Chicago, and she said, “Well, don't you know you'll be getting a $400 tax credit?” I want my freedom; I don't want a $400 tax credit. Four hundred dollars -- I'll sell my freedom, but I'm not selling it for a lousy $400 tax credit from Barack Obama that came from me in the first place! And she goes, “Well, the state of Illinois is getting $50 million -- $50 billion dollars in extra --” OK, that sounds great, doesn't it? Where's that $50 billion coming from?

When those Navy SEALs took out -- took out the three pirates sitting in the ship and they shot them dead, did they say, “Oh, let's have a look in the bottom of the boat. Whoa, there's a big chest here. And whoa, who would believe it, it's for $50 billion in old gold Zanzibari doubloons. Let's take that and give it to the federal treasury, and they can give it to the state of Illinois.” It's rubbish! It's only three hundred -- there are not enough rich people in this country, however broadly you define rich, to pay for what Obama is spending. So that means the only person he can get it from is you. And the only way he can take it from you is by limiting your freedoms so that you're as stupid as that CNN reporter and you think somehow it's worth trading your liberty for a $400 tax credit.