In March, conservative publication Human Events hired Jason Mattera as their "new Editor." In the post announcing Mattera's hiring, the vice president of Eagle Publishing, which owns Human Events, had this to say:
"Given his youth, we recognize Jason's appointment may seem a bit surprising, but only if you don't know him," stated Joe Guerriero, VP/Group Publisher of Eagle Publishing's GeoPolitical Division, which includes HUMAN EVENTS. Guerriero went on, "Jason's ability to understand what is truly important, not just repeat D.C.'s echo chamber, plus his unique ability to put facts into understandable, interesting--and even fun--stories and videos is remarkable. His wisdom and talents are far beyond his years."
According to Guerriero, Mattera has an "ability to understand what is truly important." Right. Let's have a look at what Mattera identified as "truly important" in his only contribution to Human Events about the Elena Kagan nomination thus far.*
Mattera purports to list the "Top 10 Dumbest Defenses of Elena Kagan." They are uniformly inane, so I'll pare them down to the "Top 4 Most Embarrassingly Stupid and Sexist Comments From Mattera's Top 10 Dumbest Defenses of Elena Kagan."
The baller. Not only are we told that she's "ambitious, restless, [and] intellectually acute," but, as Politico noted, she "even shares the president's love of a good, grinding pick-up basketball game." Say what? She enjoys a "grinding pick-up basketball game"? Well now, that settles it then. Bust out the basketball trunks, throw on a jersey, and move yourself straight to the front of the line for a lifetime position on the most powerful court in the world! What could go wrong? As an aside, can you even imagine Kagan "grinding" on the court?
Feminine products. At Harvard, Kagan gained popularity by offering "free coffee outside classrooms and free tampons in the women's restrooms," which, incidentally, was sweet music to the ears of Justice Stephen Breyer. He now has a compatriot to turn to when his Tampax supply runs out.
Toilet preference. Obama describes Kagan as a "trailblazing leader" for being the first female solicitor general and the first female dean of Harvard's law school, as if we're supposed to judge her fidelity to the Constitution because she happens to sit and not stand while urinating.
Now that we have those gems out of the way, enjoy the rest of your day thinking about Elena Kagan in her booty basketball shorts, "grinding" on the court ;).
This is what's "truly important" about the Kagan nomination? Here's a challenge for Mattera: why don't you show off your "wisdom and talents" by taking a stab at debunking these myths and falsehoods about the Kagan nomination, rather than making painfully unfunny jokes about Kagan "grinding" in basketball shorts and Justice Breyer using tampons. (Get it? Because he's actually a woman. Zing!)
I won't hold my breath. If Mattera bothers responding to this, he'll probably pivot to his usual defense: by hiding his utter lack of ideas and inability to engage in substantive discussion behind his faux-edgy tough-guy routine. Earlier this week Media Matters highlighted Mattera asking why "Janet Napolitano, Sonia Sotomayor, and Elena Kagan all look like linebackers for the New York JETS." Mattera's response was to say that the "dudes" at Media Matters were upset because "even Kagan won't date" us.
Human Events' tagline, displayed prominently on their website, is "Leading Conservative Media Since 1944." Here's how they describe their brand of journalism on their "About Us" page:
For over sixty years, HUMAN EVENTS has made it a policy to deliver to intelligent, independent-thinking news readers something entirely different - something you cannot get from conventional news sources.
In every issue, you will savor that rare moment in journalism when the thick fog of liberal bias is blown away to reveal... THE NAKED, BEDROCK TRUTH!
Indeed, at HUMAN EVENTS we plead "guilty" to compulsively digging up and revealing facts that mainstream reporters go to extraordinary lengths to keep you from ever learning about. Below is a quick sampling.
It's certainly true that "you cannot get" "revealing facts" about Justice Breyer using Tampax from "conventional news sources" -- though I'm not sure that this is something to brag about. Most conventional news sources also don't use winking emoticons in their articles, but that's perhaps the least of their concerns.
And I'm sure that Ronald Reagan, were he around to see Human Events' new editor make tampon jokes about Supreme Court justices, would be proud.
Apologies to Mattera -- this was actually his second article about the Kagan nomination. His first, titled "Biden's Botox Infects Obama," was published on Tuesday, and featured a list of the "Top 3 Dumbest Defenses of Elena Kagan" (which he rehashed for this latest post). He also said, referring to Obama, that "the brother is a liar, after all." Oh, and he ended that post with a winking emoticon, too.
Don't forget: "his wisdom and talents are far beyond his years."