Steyn on “a new gay version” of Ben & Jerry's ice cream: “Does it have twice the number of nuts?”

By Greg Lewis

National Review's Mark Steyn was filling in for Rush Limbaugh today. He started things off saying he had just gotten back from overseas, where he missed most of the Ted Kennedy coverage. He talked about how the media was in Camelot-mode, and mused over an all-Kennedy primary for Ted Kennedy's Senate seat.

Then Steyn moved on to a story in Germany's Der Spiegel about how investing in U.S. life expectancy is becoming “risky.” Steyn made it clear that this story was about individual Americans, and that the United States itself wouldn't be “kicking the bucket” until halfway through the second Obama administration.

Next up was “good news” for American babies, as Steyn read an article about a fertility clinic that specializes in sperm donors who are celebrity “look-a-likes.” Steyn said this was an example of American ingenuity and contrasted it with an article reporting on the lack of sperm donors in Canada. A few “jokes” later, Steyn highlighted a new Ben & Jerry's ice cream flavor celebrating marriage equality in Vermont -- or as he put it, “a new gay version” of an existing ice cream flavor. Steyn continued:

STEYN: [I]f you're driving up I-89 or I-91 and you're flagged down and somebody offers you the -- says “Why did you flag me down?” -- it's to give you the gay marriage ice cream. Don't worry, that's perfectly normal in Vermont. It's nothing to worry about. If you're just generally accosted in the Green Mountain state and given the gay -- shit. Twice -- yeah, HR says this is the same ice cream -- or does it have twice the number of nuts? It's -- yeah.

That's pretty much it. Almost all the gay ice cream jokes are undoable. I'm not like Rush with his mean-spirited Barney Frank planetary joke, you know? I don't go there. It's like -- that's not what I'm going to do. All that stuff about “Now, what was the name of the original flavor? Tootie Fruity?” I'm not gonna do any of those kind of cheap gags. It's inappropriate.

It's a nice thing. Ben and Jerry have introduced Vermont's first gay ice cream.

After the break, Steyn discussed how New York Times columnist David Brooks has recently soured on Obama. Steyn referred to a New Republic article about the Brooks-Obama “bromance” and proceeded to make cracks about Brooks looking at the crease of people's pants. After another break, Steyn read more from Brooks' latest column, disagreeing with Brooks on what the political center is. Steyn argued that Brooks' definition of the center -- fiscal responsibility, decentralized authority, and individual choice -- were actually conservative values that no longer resonate with large chunks of the American electorate.

Steyn continued with this point, saying that if Obama got his way, by the time of the next federal election, Obama will use his “sleight of hand” to make sure a majority of adult Americans no longer pay federal income taxes. Then Steyn discussed “pushback” on Obama, arguing that it was coming from small business people, which Steyn described as the demographic caught between the ruling class of “King Ted” and the dependent class. Steyn added that the Democratic Party is the party of bureaucrats and people on welfare.

Steyn came back from another break, this time talking about a side effect of stimulus spending: the need for "flagging schools" to train flaggers for new road construction projects. After a few chuckles about this, Steyn took a caller who said that the press should hold Obama accountable for wanting the U.S. to fail in Iraq because he opposed the troop surge. Steyn went on to talk about how it was politically convenient for Democrats to oppose the Iraq war or advocate for American defeat. Steyn concluded that too many Democrats embraced losing as a politically convenient strategy.

At the top of the hour, Steyn addressed the latest right-wing freakout -- Obama's upcoming national address to students on the importance of education:

STEYN: Something is - something's not quite right about that. It doesn't seem entirely consistent with the idea that education -- and it seems to be closer to what is a consistent part of the model here, that he learned in Chicago from William Ayers, that essentially the public education system is a useful tool for getting children to be good subjects of the big government state when they grow up.

Steyn muses about Ted “Henry VIII” Kennedy, and “King”/“Pope” Barack

Hour 2 began with a semi-apology from Steyn to the flaggers he had apparently offended in the previous hour. Steyn said he didn't mean to disparage flagging; he only meant to disparage the idea that unnecessary highway projects were a means of stimulating the economy. Then Steyn read from an LA Times article headlined, “States most likely to win under healthcare overhaul are home to its biggest foes.” Steyn said this was a lot like Thomas Frank's book, What's the Matter With Kansas? in which, he said, Frank argues that Kansas hicks and rubes didn't understand that big liberal government had their best interests at heart. But Steyn stated that there was a price to be paid for relying on the government: shrivilized liberty.

Remaining on this theme, Steyn got to the coverage of Ted Kennedy's funeral and started talking about American monarchies -- Steyn even said Kennedy was the “Duke of Chappaquiddick.” Steyn explained how American monarchs like Ted Kennedy and “King Barack” are asking you to trade your liberty for government health care and a clean environment. Then Steyn took this analogy further, comparing Kennedy to Henry VIII:

STEYN: Now that is the tradeoff -- that is the tradeoff that has gone on in monarchical societies in medieval Europe all the time; that the good king, he had his -- Henry VIII is the classic example. Ted Kennedy could have played him in one of those PBS masterpiece theater things.

Yes, he staggers around wenching and indulging, and, you know, you're looking for him to pass the Food Allergen Labeling and Consumer Protection Act, and he'd have to go into the orgy room and try to identify him by who's bottom is poking up in the air from which particular corner of the room, but it doesn't matter because he cares about the common folk.

Steyn went on criticize the LA Times piece and explained how in Western Europe, individuals don't enjoy the same range of opportunity and mobility as Americans. Steyn said it doesn't matter if it was good for King Teddy or King Barack, you shouldn't mortgage your liberty to a citizen legislator.

After the break, Steyn took a caller who compared the Obama administration to Catholicism prior to Vatican II, because the government doesn't want people thinking for themselves. Taking the caller's lead, Steyn said the Obama approach to government is just like the old-school medieval church, and said secular liberals are happy to sing onto the idea of big government as the all-powerful church with the doctrine of papal infallibility tied to “Pope Barack.” (What happened to “King” Barack from mere moments ago? Also, doesn't this analogy break down even further if you consider how Henry VIII -- Ted Kennedy, apparently -- loathed the Pope? Our heads hurt.)

Another commercial break, and Steyn was back with another set of callers who were concerned about Obama's national address to students. The first caller thought it was tacky and that Obama was overreaching. The caller was also concerned that Obama would be asking her children to join his army of brownshirts. Steyn said the caller didn't have to worry about that just yet.

The next caller said Obama's address to students was something parents should be cautious and concerned about because it was something socialist countries did. Steyn explained that the reality is that this goes on everyday in American schools because of the liberalism in our education system. Steyn also explained that Bill Ayers understood this and realized that burrowing himself into institutions, like education, to hollow them out from within was much more effective then blowing them up. Steyn also said that while Republicans had great electoral success during the Reagan years, they gave up turf in Hollywood and education.

One more break, and Steyn took another caller who said that you can only be your brother's keeper for so long before they have to help themselves. Steyn said he didn't mind people being their brother's keeper, but argued that Obama's brother lives in Kenya on $12 a year. His point was that the biblical lesson is about personal responsibility, not about letting the government tax and regulate your business to pay for everybody's brothers. The caller also said that he doesn't hold Obama accountable for what is happening, but rather RINOs whose own malfeasance and deviation from core conservative principles resulted in them losing in 2006.

Steyn got Hour 3 started with a Daily Mail article about Osama bin Laden's Whitney Houston obsession. Then he got back to the caller from the end of the last hour, who Steyn said showed what is great about America in starting his own small business. This led to Steyn talking about how people want to control their destiny, and how big government atrophies the human spirit. He then referred to another Daily Mail piece about 5 million “benefit addicts” in the UK living off welfare.

This somehow led Steyn to talk about government dependency in New Orleans during Hurricane Katrina. He said that if something is going to sweep in and blow away your home, and you see it as George Bush's fault, then you're looking at it all wrong. Steyn went on to praise the kid who commandeered a school bus to rescue his family during Hurricane Katrina, and claimed he was later prosecuted by the state. Steyn's conclusion was that big government kills initiative and leads to dependency.

Steyn praises American health care, in which you can decide to sell your car for treatment, or to not get treated at all

After the break, Steyn took a caller who lectured the host on transportation spending and argued that we wouldn't get sufficient rates of return from stimulus-funded highway projects. Steyn said he was irritated by stimulus spending being used to increase the government's role in transportation infrastructure, which, as Steyn explained, was different from the original vision of President Eisenhower when he established the interstate highway system.

Steyn came back from the next break talking about a Utah school showing a video about Obama produced by Ashton Kutcher. Steyn said the idea of “celebrity O-bots” supporting the personality cult is unbecoming to our republic of citizen legislators. Then Steyn got into a protracted argument with a caller who disagreed with him on various points. First, the caller wasn't too concerned about Obama's message to students. The caller also brought up health care, saying he was in favor of the public option and reform. Steyn told the caller there is a difference between health care and health treatment -- all Americans have access to the best available health treatment, he explained.

In the end, Steyn said, Americans still have the freedom to go somewhere else for treatment, whereas countries like Canada and Britain have effectively “nationalized” your body parts by putting bureaucrats in charge of them. Steyn went on to explain all of the different health care choices one has in America:

STEYN: [T]here are multiple ways in America -- in America, you can have insurance company A, insurance company B, insurance company C, you can have no insurance, you can write a check, you can, in the end, decide you're gonna have to sell your car to get the treatment, or you can decide to dispense with the treatment.

You're a free person. You can make multiple decisions, multiple decisions. In government systems, there's only one decision, and it's made by a bureaucrat.

One more break for the day, and Steyn took the day's final caller, who stated that people who can't afford health care need to get a job and make payments. Steyn said the caller made a “great point” and he closed out the program explaining how he thought health care was actually quite affordable:

STEYN: Basically, in the end, you know, health care costs what it does and we have to be able to afford it. But, actually, I'm always surprised when you break it down, how affordable it is.

I was talking about this lady I had staying with me and we had to go to emergency. She had a CAT scan, she had x-rays, she had blood work done. We got a bill -- they sent it along a couple of weeks later for, like, $350. Yeah, that's a lot of money, but compared to what? Compared to what? Compared to eating in those restaurants in Chicago we were talking about? Compared to the cost of your cable package?

Health care -- health care is something people should pay for and should understand in market terms, because if you're not prepared to spend $350 on your life -- on your life -- because, well, that's a bit much, and I was planning to spend it on my cable package, you're not functioning as a fully adult human being. That's exactly why health care should remain in the private sector and as private individual decisions. And yes, stupid people will make stupid decisions, and they -- ultimately, they will die beyond that -- because of that.

Zachary Aronow and Zachary Pleat contributed to this edition of the Limbaugh Wire.

Highlights

Outrageous comments

STEYN: And speaking of which, I see that Ben & Jerry's have introduced, to celebrate the dawn of gay marriage in Vermont yesterday, a special gay marriage ice cream -- because they thought it was appropriate to mark the occasion -- called Hubby Hubby. It's usually their flavor is called Chubby Hubby, but they've introduced a new gay version, Hubby Hubby, and they said they're handing it out free across Vermont.

So if you're driving -- if you're driving up I-89 or I-91 and you're flagged down and somebody offers you the -- says “Why did you flag me down?” -- it's to give you the gay marriage ice cream. Don't worry, that's perfectly normal in Vermont. It's nothing to worry about. If you're just generally accosted in the Green Mountain state and given the gay -- shit. Twice -- yeah, HR says this is the same ice cream -- or does it have twice the number of nuts? It's -- yeah.

That's pretty much it. Almost all the gay ice cream jokes are undoable. I'm not like Rush with his mean-spirited Barney Frank planetary joke, you know? I don't go there. It's like -- that's not what I'm going to do. All that stuff about “Now, what was the name of the original flavor? Tootie Fruity?” I'm not gonna do any of those kind of cheap gags. It's inappropriate.

It's a nice thing. Ben and Jerry have introduced Vermont's first gay ice cream. And HR's mocking this -- and he can do his cheap cracks -- but this is a date that they will -- that will go down in history. Make a note of it: September the First, 2009 -- Vermont's first gay ice cream. This is what -- this is what is so -- this is what's keeping -- this is what keeps America at the cutting edge.

[...]

STEYN: Well, now, the same schoolhouses, who I don't think would have been that eager for President Bush to beam themselves -- beam himself into addressing the schoolchildren, are going to be having Obama giving them a personal message on September the 8th in every classroom in the country. Something is - something's not quite right about that.

It doesn't seem entirely consistent with the idea that education -- and it seems to be closer to what is a consistent part of the model here, that he learned in Chicago from William Ayers, that essentially the public education system is a useful tool for getting children to be good subjects of the big government state when they grow up.

[...]

STEYN: What was disgusting about the Kennedy coverage was when it got explicit. For example, there was a lady called Melissa Lafsky at the Huffington Post who mused on what Mary Jo Kopechne, quote, “would have thought about arguably being a catalyst for the most successful Senate career in history.” “Who knows,” wrote Melissa Lafsky, “maybe she'd feel it was worth it,” unquote. And as Tim Blair, the great Australian wag put on his -- down on the Daily Telegraph website in Australia -- he put: “Mary Jo Kopechne died so that the Food Allergen Labeling and Consumer Protection Act could live.”

Now that is the tradeoff -- that is the tradeoff that has gone on in monarchical societies in medieval Europe all the time; that the good king, he had his -- Henry VIII is the classic example. Ted Kennedy could have played him in one of those PBS masterpiece theater things.

Yes, he staggers around wenching and indulging, and, you know, you're looking for him to pass the Food Allergen Labeling and Consumer Protection Act, and he'd have to go into the orgy room and try to identify him by who's bottom is poking up in the air from which particular corner of the room, but it doesn't matter because he cares about the common folk.

[...]

STEYN: You have a range of options here. There's a ton of people who -- there's a ton of people here -- this is the point to take away, Jill -- if I have to come 'round -- get your number from the call screener and come 'round and explain to you in person, I'm willing to do it -- is there are multiple ways in America -- in America, you can have insurance company A, insurance company B, insurance company C, you can have no insurance, you can write a check, you can, in the end, decide you're gonna have to sell your car to get the treatment, or you can decide to dispense with the treatment.

You're a free person. You can make multiple decisions, multiple decisions. In government systems, there's only one decision, and it's made by a bureaucrat.

[...]

CALLER: Hey, Mark, nice talking to you. I was just listening, and, you know these people, if they can't afford health care, they need to get a job and they need to make payments. We cannot rely on the government. This is why our children are growing the way they are.

STEYN: Yeah.

CALLER: If they have no responsibility now --

STEYN: That's a -- that's a great point, Brian. and you're right. Basically, in the end, you know, health care costs what it does and we have to be able to afford it. But, actually, I'm always surprised when you break it down, how affordable it is.

I was talking about this lady I had staying with me and we had to go to emergency. She had a CAT scan, she had x-rays, she had blood work done. We got a bill -- they sent it along a couple of weeks later for, like, $350. Yeah, that's a lot of money, but compared to what? Compared to what? Compared to eating in those restaurants in Chicago we were talking about? Compared to the cost of your cable package?

Health care -- health care is something people should pay for and should understand in market terms, because if you're not prepared to spend $350 on your life -- on your life -- because, well, that's a bit much, and I was planning to spend it on my cable package, you're not functioning as a fully adult human being. That's exactly why health care should remain in the private sector and as private individual decisions. And yes, stupid people will make stupid decisions, and they -- ultimately, they will die beyond that -- because of that.