This hour of the Limbaugh Wire brought to you by Roger Ailes' water volleyball extravaganzas
By Simon Maloy

Kicking off the second hour, Rush proclaimed that his prediction from the previous hour -- that media reports of the pirate rescue will be used to drive up Obama's poll numbers, which will be used to justify liberty-curtailing domestic policies -- has already come true. His evidence? Obama saying that the Department of Transportation today: “Now, as we work to ensure America's safety out on the seas, I want to discuss what we're doing to restore economic security here at home -- to revitalize our nation's infrastructure and create good jobs across America.” That was quick -- we didn't even know there was polling out yet. But perhaps polling and segues are interchangeable in this theory.

After some brief attacks on the stimulus package, Rush returned to a story from last week, the commander of the USS Cole saying pirates are “criminals,” not “terrorists,” who have an effective “business model.” Rush said he received an e-mail from a man in Ohio who had resolved to get into piracy after hearing that it's such a good business, but was discouraged after seeing that the pirates holding Captain Phillips were killed this weekend. According to Rush, “another entrepreneur cut short by the Obama administration.”

After the break, Rush ranted on the New York tax increases for a while, claiming that they'll turn the state into even more of a “catastrophe” than it already is. Then he took a call from a man objecting to Rush's “sarcastic” praise of Obama. Rush couldn't understand what “sarcasm” he was talking about: “I don't understand what your beef with me is. This was President Obama's show, and the drive-by media is saying so. He gave the order to shoot.” According to Rush: “We've got an active commander in chief like we've never had before. He's giving the shooting orders. I mean, not even Lyndon Johnson ordered specific people to fire. Obama has done it. You know, Johnson and McNamara might have ordered some bombing raids but they didn't call a pirate and say 'Drop them now.' Obama ordered -- you just said it. Obama ordered the SEALs to shoot.” We've given up on trying to guess when Rush is being sarcastic and when he's being serious, so we'll just cite something to demonstrate simply that he's wrong. So, Politico, take it away: “President Barack Obama issued a standing order to use force against pirates holding an American captain hostage -- including giving a Navy commander the authority to act if he believed the captain's life was in danger, two senior defense officials said Sunday night.”

Rush's next caller said the story he told about the would-be pirate from Ohio was not funny, and that he thinks Rush is upset because the pirate situation “worked out” and nothing Obama does will make him happy. Rush got back into character, saying he wasn't upset -- he's been praising Obama's brilliance all day! The caller said Rush is “out of his mind,” and Rush called him a member of the “incorrigible left,” saying that no matter what you say, you can't please “the left.”

After another break Rush came back and read with great delight a Minneapolis Star Tribune story on how “the self-esteem movement of the 1980s did kids a disservice.” Rush said he had been warning all of us for 20 years about “the self-esteem movement,” explaining that he got into an argument about it with a woman during a water volleyball party at Roger Ailes' house in the early '90s. We wanted to hear more about these pool parties at Ailes' house, but Rush returned to the self-esteem movement, tying it to an unfortunate story out of Berlin, in which a woman leapt into a polar bear enclosure and was subsequently mauled before being rescued. Rush blamed this on Al Gore: “I can tell you why she jumped in there. She has either seen Al Gore's movie of stranded polar bears on fake, fading glaciers, or she has just become overwhelmed with all the stories about polar bears and she's seen little pictures of baby Knut and she wanted to jump in.”

Rush took another call after the break, this one suspecting that “they” will use the success of the pirate operation to say Obama is no Jimmy Carter. Rush said the Jimmy Carter comparison isn't about foreign policy, it's about the “economic malaise which is coming” under Obama's domestic policies. Carter, according to Limbaugh, is another victim of the “self-esteem movement,” because he was the country's worst president, and yet the left keeps telling him what a good job he did, to the point that he was awarded a Nobel Prize.

Rounding out the hour, Rush took one more call from a man claiming that Obama kept quiet on Friday and Saturday about the pirate situation so he could disavow everything in the media if things went awry. Rush didn't think it would have played out that way because the media can't report that Obama “failed.” If things had gone badly, according to Rush, the blame would have been affixed to Captain Phillips, or the military for disobeying Obama's brilliant strategy.

Highlights from Hour 2

Outrageous comments

LIMBAUGH: I blame the vice president -- the former vice president, Al Gore, for this. Did you see -- have you seen videotape of the zoo in the -- the Berlin Zoo where this woman jumps in the polar bear section? She jumped in the water. She jumped in a pond in the polar bear enclosure at the Berlin Zoo, and I have a picture. If you haven't seen the video, I'm going to show you a picture here on the dittocam. I'm going to zoom in -- zoom in. There you see the woman being mauled by the polar bear. Now, it is not Knut the polar bear. He -- they say he would never attack a human, although he would; he's a polar bear. They had to distract Knut with food. One time a woman got into Knut's camp and he was making a beeline for her and they threw a whole bunch of beef in there, and he, of course, got distracted by that. The intruder, the woman was attacked just yards away from Knut, the abandoned bear who became famous around the world. Zookeepers managed to push the bear away and they carried the woman from the cage. The mauling took place inside an enclosure occupied by four polar bears not far from Knut's home. Heiner Kloes, a Berlin Zoo spokesman, said the enclosure is surrounded by a fence, a line of prickly hedges, and a wall. It did not stop this woman. She jumped in there. Why? Because she wanted to pet the polar bear. I can tell you why she jumped in there. She has either seen Al Gore's movie of stranded polar bears on fake, fading glaciers, or she has just become overwhelmed with all the stories about polar bears and she's seen little pictures of baby Knut and she wanted to jump in.

America's Truth Rejector

Falsely claimed Obama “ordered specific people to fire” during the pirate operation:

CALLER: I just wanted to make a comment. You've been praising with your sarcastic saying he made the decision to give the orders to shoot. All he did was basically give the order to shoot if the situation concluded where --

LIMBAUGH: Wait, wait, wait a second. Sarcasm saying he made this big decision to give the orders to shoot? All he did was give the orders to shoot? That's what I said. And ABC News reported at the top of the hour Obama gave the order to shoot.

CALLER: That's the only thing he did, though. You're making it sound like, oh, between the media and everyone else, it was his major job. The Navy did their job, everybody did their little job. Even the captain that was captured did his job. He allowed the shooters to shoot the victim. I call them victims since they were pirates. That way, I mean, he can't be too interactive. I mean, that's why there's a military. I mean, yeah, it's not their job to police the waters and everything else, but these ships don't carry guns or ammos, and if they start putting them on, then they have to start being inspected at every port in which they go. All we're doing -- and we're not like the other countries paying out ransom money to terrorists. You can call them pirates. You can call them terrorists.

LIMBAUGH: Exactly right. I don't understand what your beef with me is. This was President Obama's show, and the drive-by media is saying so. He gave the order to shoot. Can you tell me at what point did George Bush order any snipers to fire in Iraq or Afghanistan?

CALLER: He ordered them into Afghanistan and --

LIMBAUGH: It doesn't -- of course he ordered them in there, but I want to know, when did George Bush call up Petraeus and say “Have Private First Class Schultz fire”? When did that happen? We've got an active commander in chief like we've never had before. He's giving the shooting orders. I mean, not even Lyndon Johnson ordered specific people to fire. Obama has done it. You know, Johnson and McNamara might have ordered some bombing raids, but they didn't call a pirate and say “Drop them now.” Obama ordered -- you just said it. He ordered the SEALs to shoot.

CALLER: When he was in danger and not until he was in danger. They were trying to resolve it peacefully. The pirates were wanting their money.

LIMBAUGH: That's what you say.

CALLER: The U.S. does not give money up for terrorists or pirates or whatever.

LIMBAUGH: That's what you say, but the drive by media is reporting -- it was in the ABC News at the top of the hour: Obama gave the order to shoot. He did not issue an order to say shoot when it's OK. He gave the order to shoot. That's what they're saying. We've got an active, involved commander in chief.

Clips from this hour:

Limbaugh: “Returning Captain Phillips liberty will be used to take away portions of ours”

Limbaugh blames Al Gore for woman being mauled by polar bear after jumping into animal's enclosure at zoo