This hour of the Limbaugh Wire brought to you by the “mythical” homeless veteran
By Simon Maloy

Good afternoon, everyone. A quick glance at our TV screen revealed that the Dow, as of this moment, is up about 200 points. As a colleague pointed out, this can mean only one thing -- Obama secretly left the country last night. But where could he have gone? Our guess: He traveled to the foreign, exotic land of Hawaii to pressure state officials to pick a random hospital as his "birthplace" and name it a national landmark. That might sound crazy, but it makes just as much sense as Rush's Obama/Dow theory.

El Rushbo kicked off today's show by returning to the Somali pirate saga, playing a sound bite of Obama declining to comment on the ongoing situation. According to Rush: “This is President Obama voting present, declining to comment. This is President Obama not wanting to address anything that is hard. Addressing things that are hard bring your approval numbers down.” Rush went on to attack Secretary of State Clinton for saying during a press event with the Moroccan foreign minister yesterday that the “world must come together to end the scourge of piracy,” and laughing as she was recounting America's cooperation with Morocco in combating piracy in the early 19th century. Rush said that Clinton “warned” us all about this “3 a.m. phone call,” but both she and Obama are “inept” in their handling of this. They “don't know what to do.”

Rush returned from the break still on the pirates, claiming that Hillary Clinton's “cackle” with the Moroccan minister was “irresponsible,” as was Clinton describing piracy as “criminal activity.” You'll recall that Limbaugh was cracking jokes about the very same hostage situation yesterday. According to Rush: “The whole reason that there is a resurgence of piracy, which is something that was thought to have been stamped out a couple hundred years ago, is precisely because idiots like Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama think pirates and terrorists -- and this is terrorism -- are criminals, not enemies.” The administration and “the left” don't get it, according to Rush. They “fervently believe[]” America has enemies by virtue of its own existence, and because it steals from the poor nations of the world. Rush's conclusion from this? The left believes “these pirates, in a way, I mean, it's brothers in arms. You don't understand. They're mad. They have a poor country. We don't. We gotta understand them.”

After another break, Rush came back saying he might have to correct himself for saying earlier that the Somali pirates are “Muslims.” He had to correct himself because Obama said in Turkey that the United States is not at war with Islam, and we're not at war with the pirates, which means they must not be Muslim. Fine bit of (il)logic there. Anyway, Rush went on to speculate that the pirates might be Orthodox Jews or Southern Baptists.

Then Rush aired audio of Obama speaking at Walter Reed hospital this morning, describing how he thanked wounded soldiers for their service in Iraq. Rush was outraged that Obama would do this, because he's a member of the “Democrat Party” that last year was supposedly calling U.S. soldiers murderers, terrorists, torturers, and rapists. But, Rush claimed, the soldiers became heroes after Obama was inaugurated. Rush went on to attack Obama for “trashing” his country again at Walter Reed, saying that veterans returning from service “go without the care that they need. Too many veterans don't receive the support that they've earned. Too many who once wore our nation's uniform now sleep in our nation's streets.” That's “another myth,” according to Rush, and there are "[n]o pictures of this." If it really is such a big “myth,” then someone ought to tell these guys.

One more break and Rush came back noting a Rasmussen poll saying that 53 percent of Americans prefer capitalism to socialism. “Obama doesn't believe in capitalism,” Rush said, and Obama is loved across the world because the world hates the people he represents -- the capitalists in America. Rush went on to rip the GOP for not putting forth a presidential candidate that would defend capitalism.

Highlights from Hour 1

Outrageous comments

LIMBAUGH: The president of the United States declined comment about the situation with the Somali pirates and the captain of the U.S. ship who is being held hostage. If you had trouble understanding this, can we get a quick reaction to the pirates -- the Somali pirates? And Obama said, “Thank you, guys, we're talking about housing right now.”

This is President Obama voting present, declining to comment. This is President Obama not wanting to address anything that is hard. Addressing things that are hard bring your approval numbers down.

[...]

LIMBAUGH: So, we worked in the -- the cackle, the laugh here. I mean, it's just, to me, it is irresponsible. We're in the midst of an American hostage situation and she's laughing. “And we worked together to end piracy off the coast of Moro-” [laughing]," as though -- “we ended this all those years ago” [laughing], “and damn it, it happened again.”

[...]

LIMBAUGH: The pirates, way back -- “criminal activity” is the choice of words here that I wish to focus on. Pirates were defeated. Global trade blossomed in the time -- she's laughing about all the -- when the Barbary Pirates were defeated, Thomas Jefferson was the first to tackle the Muslims in this country, the -- well, militant Muslims, and of course, we joined forces [laughing] with Morocco to wipe out the pirates.

But the pirates ended up being defeated. Global trade blossomed as a result. They were not considered criminals with the same rights as, say, accused tax cheats. The pirates were considered enemies of the human race. In other words, they were alien enemy combatants, who were deemed to have no claim on the rights afforded to criminals by the civilized world. It was -- they were not treated, when they were dealt with all of these years ago, by the authorities in the world back then -- they were not dealt with as simple criminals.

And the reason people are, “Oh, piracy. I mean, that's so John Paul Jones and Davy Jones' locker. Dead piracy, where is this coming from? Why is this returning?” The whole reason that there is a resurgence of piracy, which is something that was thought to have been stamped out a couple hundred years ago, is precisely because idiots like Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama think pirates and terrorists -- and this is terrorism -- are criminals, not enemies.

[...]

LIMBAUGH: This administration does not get it. The left in this country does not understand the concept that this country has enemies. Well, they might understand that we have enemies. What they're wrong about is why.

They believe -- and I'm not exaggerating this an iota. I firmly believe this. The -- Hillary Clinton, the Clintons, the left, the Democrat Party, most of it, elected Democrat Party fervently believes we have enemies because it's our fault. We have made enemies by virtue of our own existence. We made enemies because we are braggadocios. We swagger. We're the only superpower. We're too big. We steal and plunder all of the rich resources of the world and the treasure, and we bring those resources home, and we live a lifestyle unlike anywhere else in the world. And we are stealing from the world's poor.

This is what Obama believes. It is what Hillary believes. That is why, throughout the G-20 and Obama's disastrous tour, the whole point was to cut the United States down to size. “And so, these pirates, in a way, I mean, it's brothers in arms. You don't understand. They're mad. They have a poor country. We don't. We gotta understand them.”

[...]

LIMBAUGH: Now, you know, I may need to be corrected here, ladies and gentlemen. I just identified the Somali pirates as Muslim. I could be wrong about this. The president said that we are not at war with Islam. He said it in Turkey. He said it I think a couple of times on his trip to Europe that we are not at war with Islam.

Now, apparently, elements of Islam are at war with us, but we are not at war with them. So, if we're not at war with Islam, then it must mean the Somali pirates are not Muslim, right? 'Cause we're not at war with them.

I hope you're following me on this. I'm just describing what the president said while overseas on the “cut America down to size” tour. We're not at war with Islam. We're not at war with them. So, the pirates must obviously be something other than Muslim. Maybe they're Orthodox Jews. Well, if they aren't Muslim, they gotta be something. Maybe if it's not Orthodox Jews, maybe it's Reform Jews. Maybe it's Evangelicals. Everybody knows Evangelicals are mad as hell these days about a whole bunch -- maybe the Somali pirates are actually Evangelicals. Maybe they're Southern Baptists. Who knows?

But they can't be Muslim because we're not at war with Islam. I suppose they could be a rogue band -- a very, very, very tiny, small infinitesimal minority of Islam. But we're not at war with Islam. The president said so.

So the Somali pirates -- I mean, the story is that they're Muslims, but that can't be, because we're not at war with them. My guess is it's the Orthodox Jews. Orthodox Jews committing piracy in the open seas off Somalia over there, there's no question in my mind.

America's Truth Rejector

Implausibly suggested that there are no homeless veterans sleeping in the streets:

LIMBAUGH: And then, he just -- he couldn't stop when he was ahead. He then had to go on to trash his own country again.

OBAMA [video clip]: We have a sacred trust with those who wear the uniform of the Untied States of America. It's a commitment that begins at enlistment and it must never end. But we know that for too long we've fallen short of meeting that commitment. Too many wounded warriors go without the care that they need. Too many veterans don't receive the support that they've earned. Too many who once wore our nation's uniform now sleep in our nation's streets. It's time to change all that.

LIMBAUGH: Another myth. He told another whopper of a lie yesterday or the day before about a question that he was asked by the press that he wasn't asked. He was out there telling the -- telling some people the press asked, “Did you solve everything this week?” And Jake Tapper says nobody asked him that.

So, now, the nation's vets are homeless. They're sleeping under bridges. No pictures of this.

Clips from this hour:

Limbaugh on Obama's remarks about homeless veterans: “Another myth”

Referencing Obama's comment that we are not at war with Islam, Limbaugh says “it must mean the Somali pirates are not Muslim,” says “maybe they're Orthodox Jews”

After saying markets “are plummeting” because of Obama's return to U.S., Limbaugh's has new theory: This may be “a temporary bear market rally”

Limbaugh on the left's views: “These pirates, in a way, I mean, it's brothers in arms. We don't understand. They're mad. They have a poor country”

Limbaugh's history: “We probably did blow up Morocco, showed them who's boss”