Rush Limbaugh, the most “hip” and “with it” cool cat in conservative talk radio
By Greg Lewis

The third hour got started today with Rush reading from a Bloomberg article about the Department of Transportation hiring more contract workers for the Cash for Clunkers program. Rush says nobody knows where the program stands at the moment -- all we know is that dealers are being trained to disable perfectly good cars.

Rush moved on to a CNSNews.com article reporting that the health care bill must “develop measurements of gender,” but HHS Secretary Kathleen Sebelius has “no idea” what that means. After reading from the article, Rush had this to say: “She has no idea what it means when she's being instructed to develop standards for the measurement of gender. We can only guess, but I think we can make a pretty educated guess what they're doing here. You know, they're including add-a-dick-to-me people and this sort of thing.”

To us, it appears that CNS News and Rush are trying really hard to see things that aren't there. It seems pretty clear that the bill is simply mandating that HHS develop standards for collecting data on gender, geography, socioeconomic status, etc. That's why the language appears under a section titled: “Collection Standards.” (Page 411) It's likely the case that the authors of the bill simply used “collection” and “measurement” interchangeably in a way that couldn't possibly be considered controversial unless taken completely out of context -- which is exactly what Rush and CNS News did to roguishly imply that the government is establishing new gender categories.

Next up was an NBC New York article, headlined “College Grad Can't Find Job, Wants $$$ Back.” Then Rush moved back to cash for clunkers, airing audio clips of Sen. Jim DeMint (R-SC) stating his opposition to the program on Fox News Sunday. Rush noted that DeMint “unfortunately” doesn't have the votes to block the program's expansion.

Then Rush read an article about a homeless soccer tournament that took place over the weekend. Usually sympathetic towards the homeless and their place in society, Rush was surprisingly cynical and skeptical of the idea. He was baffled as to how a homeless soccer league could operate. He wondered if they played with soccer balls or empty cans. We suggest that he take a look at the website for the sponsoring organization, Street Soccer USA, or the website for the Homeless World Cup. Or he could have taken a look at this ESPN article reporting on the tournament to find out more about its organizers, participants, and volunteers.

After the break, Rush read about a proposal to move Guantánamo Bay detainees to facilities in Kansas or Michigan. Rush noted that Harry Reid said this would never happen, yet it is. Rush speculated that moving it to Michigan would give the business to a Democrat-controlled state, and Gov. Granholm could really use it.

Then Rush took a caller who responded to the caller from the previous hour who said that the rowdy people at these town halls are really just astroturfing tea partiers. Rush said the aforementioned caller probably only watches MSNBC and NBC, and doesn't listen to talk radio or other “alternative media,” so she didn't realize that left has been using “rent-a-mobs” for their causes for a long time. Rush went on to gloat about tea party activists being well versed in the specifics of the health care bill and being more informed than the government officials they talk to.

The next caller was concerned that with all the attention being given to health care recently, cap and trade and card check might end up being passed under the radar. Rush praised the caller's shrewdness for recognizing it, and went on to cite again an article in Roll Call reporting that Harry Reid is trying to sneak card check into the health care bill. That's actually not what Roll Call said -- it reported that Reid “is sketching a process for railroading the bill through the floor as quickly as possible to prevent Republicans from rallying a major campaign against it,” not that he is trying to slip it into the health bill.

On the flip side of the commercial break, Rush took another caller who expressed her discontent that she received a form letter in response to a letter she sent her Congressperson voicing her concerns regarding health care reform. Rush went on to explain how it's important to ask why they're so “hell bent” on passing all of these things -- cap and trade, card check, health care -- that nobody wants. Without much surprise to us, Rush found a way to tie this to some of his favorite Latin American dictators:

LIMBAUGH: This is frightening what is being contemplated here. [...] Hugo Chavez just shut down 34 radio stations. I'm thinking Obama's looking at that, saying “Damn, someday, someday ...” And he's having -- and Raul Castro, in Cuba: “Obama, yeah, the United States less aggressive under Obama. But I was elected to improve and perfect the socialist system, and that's what I'm gonna --” Well, I -- what'd I say about Cuba last week? They've cut off everything. The country's falling apart even worse than it was -- doesn't work.

Asking again why Obama administration is trying to do things that nobody wants, Rush repeated his point from the previous hour that we don't know which Obama to trust. The answer -- completely unchanged from the previous hour -- is to trust Rush and your own instinct. He again mentioned the Joker poster of Obama that Drudge is flogging, explaining that it's becoming “cool” to make fun of Obama and not to trust Obama. This is a tipping point, he explained. And trust us, folks, when it comes to setting arbitrary standards of what is “cool,” Rush Limbaugh (who owns a cat named Punkin) knows what he's talking about.

The next caller was a senior citizen who was concerned about health care rationing that would happen under health care reform. We almost don't blame the caller for believing this will happen, considering that for weeks Rush has been spreading disingenuous claims and fearmongering about health care rationing and euthanasia. Rush repeated some more of those claims in response to the caller, stating that Obama said he would deal with the elderly by telling them to “take the pain pill.” As we've noted before, Obama didn't say anything of the sort.

Another break and Rush was back with more rambling about “Statist Farm” insurance:

LIMBAUGH: I told ya, I know what the name of the government insurance company that's gonna be -- AllStatist. You're in good hands with AllStatist as long as you are under 60, in perfect health, and agree to shut up when your taxes go up. And if you don't like AllStatist insurance, you can go to Statist Farm. Statist Farm is a dual-purpose. It's an insurance company and it's actually a pasture where you get put out once you exceed the age where the administration thinks it's worth investing in your health to keep you alive. So you'll get two choices. You're in good hands with AllStatist, or like a big brother, Statist Farm will be there.

Then Rush aired an audio bite of Harry Reid on the Senate floor discussing “extreme tactics” from people like Rush Limbaugh in regards to the health care debate. Rush responded by saying that Reid will have a tough time selling health care if his objective is to demonize insurance companies, because most people are satisfied with their health care. Rush mentioned that was warned by Snerdly that he would have to double his security if health care reform fails, since people will blame him for it.

The final caller of today's program complained about the story Rush read earlier this hour about the student suing her university for not being able to get a job. The caller argued with Rush whether suing people when you don't get your way was part of our culture now.

That was it for today. We hope that in the near future, the arbiter of coolness, Rush Limbaugh, will deem our little operation here “cool” in the same we he just declared that joking about Obama is now “cool.” In case you need convincing, evidence of our obvious coolness is oozing out of every corner of the Limbaugh Wire archives.

Simon Maloy, Hannah Dreier, and Zachary Pleat contributed to this edition of the Limbaugh Wire.

Highlights from Hour 3

Outrageous comments

LIMBAUGH: Now get this. This from the Cybercast News Service. Health and Human Services Secretary Kathleen Sebelius says she has, quote-unquote, “no idea” about a section of the Senate health-care freeform bill that requires her to, quote, “develop standards for the measurement of gender,” close quote, as opposed to simply relying on male and female for use in a new federal database that'll collect information about all beneficiaries of government-run or government-supported health care programs.

She has no idea what it means when she's being instructed to develop standards for the measurement of gender. We can only guess, but I think we can make a pretty educated guess what they're doing here. You know, they're including add-a-dick-to-me people and this sort of thing.

[...]

LIMBAUGH: This is frightening what is being contemplated here. I saw the other day, Hugo Chavez -- did you see this, Snerdley? -- Hugo Chavez just shut down 34 radio stations. I'm thinking Obama's looking at that, saying “Damn, someday, someday ...” And he's having -- and Raul Castro, in Cuba: “Obama, yeah, the United States less aggressive under Obama. But I was elected to improve and perfect the socialist system, and that's what I'm gonna --” Well, I -- what'd I say about Cuba last week? They've cut off everything. The country's falling apart even worse than it was -- doesn't work.

[...]

LIMBAUGH: I told ya, I know what the name of the government insurance company that's gonna be -- AllStatist. You're in good hands with AllStatist as long as you are under 60, in perfect health, and agree to shut up when your taxes go up. And if you don't like AllStatist insurance, you can go to Statist Farm. Statist Farm is a dual-purpose. It's an insurance company and it's actually a pasture where you get put out once you exceed the age where the administration thinks it's worth investing in your health to keep you alive. So you'll get two choices. You're in good hands with AllStatist, or like a big brother, Statist Farm will be there.