This hour of the Limbaugh Wire brought to you by higher education
By Simon Maloy

Final hour, and Rush attacked GM and Chrysler for initiating programs to temporarily make auto payments for buyers who lose their jobs. Rush asks, “But who's paying it?” The taxpayers, answers Rush, who faults the government for coming up with this idea. His outrage at Chrysler might be justified if Chrysler were actually offering this service. As we discussed yesterday, it's GM and Ford that are doing this (not Chrysler), and Ford hasn't taken any federal cash. But if Rush has to substitute Chrysler for Ford to make his argument work, that's fine.

From there, Rush jumped at reports that Obama gave Queen Elizabeth an iPod as a gift, wondering what he and Snerdly would have given the queen. Then he had a brilliant idea -- in keeping with Obama's “apology” on behalf of America for “creating” the financial crisis, Obama should have written for the queen an official apology from America for rebelling against the British in the 1700s.

Then Rush mocked a woman who reportedly locked herself in her car, called 911, and was instructed by the dispatcher to manually unlock the car door. According to Rush, she was “undoubtedly an Obama voter.” Then Rush implored us all to be more compassionate to smokers, since the higher taxes they pay on tobacco is paying for children's health care, and they are making the ultimate sacrifice -- a slow death for the benefit of the children. Rush also said that since there are more low-income smokers than high-income smokers, we enact higher welfare payments so that the poor in this country can afford to purchase more tobacco, and therefore purchase more children's health care. This went on for a while, interrupted only by the hard break, with Rush laying it on just as thick the whole way.

After the break, the show was effectively derailed by a caller from George Mason University studying Limbaugh as part of a journalism class. The caller said he has a textbook that slams Limbaugh, and Rush demanded examples, the "Reign of Error" being the first one proffered. Rush dismissed “Reign of Error” as a hit conducted by Fairness and Accuracy in Media in 1993, and said that now there are groups like *cough* Media Matters that listen to “all 15 hours” of his show every week and rip “two seconds of a 10-second point or a monologue and take it totally out of context.” Rush offered no examples of Media Matters actually doing this. We love this little “context” game Limbaugh and his defenders play. Media Matters can post several minutes of audio and transcript -- more context than anyone could ever hope for -- but however much context we offer, it's never enough.

Anyway, Rush continued his conversation with this caller after the break, crediting the young man for being one of the few practitioners of journalism who actually bothered to call Limbaugh before writing about him. Usually they just go to Media Matters, says Limbaugh. We can't fault them for that -- it's a pretty good source ... Anyway, Rush launched into an extensive plug for his own website, telling the caller that it is a “goldmine” of information and that he, Rush Limbaugh, is the “greatest asset that individuals in this country have” because he's standing up for individuality.

Then Rush asked the caller for another example of how the textbook attacked him. “Caller abortions” was what the young student offered, and Rush offered a detailed rundown was what a “caller abortion” is. This was new to us, so let us explain for those who also found themselves similarly befuddled (using Rush's own words, even though we'll be accused of taking them out of context later). Basically, many years ago Rush decided to compare phone calls to fetuses -- “When does a call become a call?” When someone dials? When Rush answers? You get the picture. Anyway, when Rush found himself on a call he no longer wanted, he concluded that he'd “made a mistake,” so he did what the “pro-abortion” people do -- he “simply aborted it.” To “abort” the call, he “turned on the suction device and sucked the call right out of the phone,” accompanied by sound effects of a woman screaming and a toilet flushing. “That, to me, was brilliant,” said Rush. We'd never heard a “caller abortion,” so perhaps they've lost their comedic value. We're thankful for that, and it gives us hope that the teleprompter gags will soon peter out as well ...

Yet another break, and Rush was still on this point, acknowledging that “caller abortions” were “offensive” (we were going to let people decide that one on their own, but hey, if Rush says it ...). But what's more offensive, asks Rush: “caller abortions,” or the “fact” that Obama voted three times as a state legislator “for legislation that would allow doctors to kill a baby successfully born during an abortion.” We're going to have to go with “caller abortions,” seeing as the other option didn't actually happen.

Well, that's it. After a show that dealt primarily with sea turtles, autographed dream shoes, and “caller abortions,” were prepared to acknowledge that we're a victim of a bad April Fool's prank. Congrats, Rush. You got us. While we dream up our retaliation (flaming bags are not beneath us), please check out Operation Rip Rush Limbaugh Out Of Context, perpetrated by those dastardly villains at Media Matters.

Outrageous statements

LIMBAUGH: All right now, the “Reign of Error” was a report put together -- now, listen to me now --

CALLER: Yeah, yeah.

LIMBAUGH: The “Reign of Error” was a report put together by -- here, Snerdly -- either '93 or '94 by a liberal media watchdog group called -- this is oxymoronic, by the way -- Fairness and Accuracy in Reporting. And what they purported to do was -- there was 24 or 25 items in it in which they accuse me of either lying or making things up. They released this to the Associated Press; the Associated Press ran with it all over the country. We replied with our refutation of every item, and they refused to print it. There's a similar group now called Media Matters for America, which listens to all 15 hours of this program and will pull two seconds of a 10-second point or a monologue, take it totally out of context. The purpose of the “Reign of Error” report, Media Matters, and so forth is to purposely misstate what I have said to ruin my credibility with people who have not listened so as to create the illusion that I am something that I am not among people who -- so they will not listen. The last thing these people want me doing is actually listening to me as you did.

America's Truth Rejector

Wrongly claimed Chrysler is offering to make car payments for those who lose their jobs:

LIMBAUGH: General Motors and Chrysler will pay your car payment up to seven hundred bucks a month for a year -- nine months to a year if you lose your job. But who's paying it? They don't have any money. They got our money in a bailout, Rachel. You and everybody else will be making people's car payments after you pay for their mortgage. This is what it's like, ladies and gentlemen, to see your country disappear before your very eyes. This new plan, by the way, to pay for your car payment -- guess whose idea it was? No, Snerdly, the government's.

Falsely claimed Obama voted to allow doctors to kill babies:

LIMBAUGH: I understand caller abortions are offensive, but then why is Obama to be praised on his anti-life positions? Do you realize that President Obama three times when he was an Illinois senator -- voted for legislation that would allow doctors to kill a baby successfully born during an abortion? Now, what's really controversial, Andrew? A bit about a vacuum cleaner with callers being sucked off a phone or an Illinois state senator who's now voted three times to allow doctors to kill a baby after it's born because the mother wanted an abortion? Ask your students to answer that.

Ego on loan from Narcissus

LIMBAUGH: The other thing I want you to tell these students is that I am a soulmate of theirs. You and your students, because of your age and your future and where you are in life, you're very focused on yourselves as individuals, and I am the greatest asset that individuals in this country have. I believe that the smallest minority in the world is the individual.