This hour of the Limbaugh Wire brought to you by ACORN's elite infiltration units
By Simon Maloy

Well, we've come to the final hour, and Rush got it going by offering an update to the pirate hijacking off the African coast: “We have a news update for you on this, ladies and gentlemen. The ship's captain is still being held by the pirates. The crew apparently not under such tight control, but the ship's captain is still being held captive by the Somali pirates, which is OK. In fact, that's even cool. The ship's captain's a CEO. He's the leader. He's the boss. He deserves to be held captive by the pirates.” Get it? The captain is a CEO and everyone hates CEOs because the Obama administration wants them to. What struck us as noteworthy is that Rush is using a hostage situation involving an American citizen to make jokes.

From there, it was on to Chrysler and an AP article reporting that "[j]ust a week after the White House scolded Chrysler LLC for relying too much on gas guzzlers, the company is heading to a marquee auto show Wednesday to unveil a new SUV." Rush pointed to a quote from a Chrysler spokesman: “Customers have told us they want this vehicle and that it's the right size,” and was giddy that Chrysler was listening to customers instead of the administration, noting that the article characterized Chrysler's Jeep Grand Cherokee as “profitable.” We'll use this opportunity to point out what we pointed out the last time Chrysler and SUVs came up on Limbaugh -- the administration's viability assessment of Chrysler pointed out that Chrysler's SUVs were profitable, but those profits disappear when gas prices rise.

Rush came back from the break promoting the Tax Day Tea Parties and asserting that there was “word” that ACORN is going to mobilize its elite infiltration units to sabotage the Tea Parties by causing violence in front of TV cameras, thereby making the Tea Partiers look violent and out of control. Now, there's absolutely no evidence that ACORN has some grand conspiracy to undermine the Tea Parties, and no one can adequately explain why the organization would have any interest in doing so, other than that it's the conservative boogeyman of the momen-... er, last eight months. But if we may get a little conspiratorial here, our opinion of this ACORN infiltration malarkey is that it simply provides a ready-made excuse for Limbaugh and Michelle Malkin if any of the Tea Parties do get a little out of hand. They blame everything else on ACORN, why not this?

After talking with another caller about the Cuban embargo, Rush took a quick break and came back talking up the Tea Parties once again. According to Rush, these are pure grassroots events, and no one can claim credit for the idea, except maybe CNBC's Rick Santelli. Rush is very excited about the Tea Parties, but won't attend any of them, in spite of all the invitations, because he's “too famous.”

Rush then set his sights on a story that he mentioned briefly at the very end of yesterday's show -- a BBC article on a study that found that "[s]isters spread happiness while brothers breed distress." According to Rush, this “stupid study” is “just the latest blatant attempt to feminize men and boys.” Rush said we can't have “feminized” men and boys because "[y]ou need men to fight wars, to be cops. You need men to carry hysterical women out of burning buildings -- just a joke, folks! It's more stereotypical humor."

Anyway, after an extended plug for one of his sponsors, Rush took one more call, this one from a man expressing his opinion that if global warming activists really cared about the environment, they'd tell Obama to ban all forms of racing -- car racing, boat racing, etc. Rush said that America is “all about progress” and that the “global warming people, from Obama on down” want to correct the country's “sins” by rolling back that progress.

There you have it -- another episode of The Rush Limbaugh Show boiled down to its essence and filtered of all impurities. If you still haven't had enough, we remind you that he'll be phoning into Your World with Neil Cavuto this afternoon. We'll be watching, and we'll be back tomorrow to add yet another chapter to Media Matters' ongoing and epic coverage of Rush Limbaugh.

Highlights from Hour 3

Outrageous comments

LIMBAUGH: It's time for a news update, ladies and gentlemen. And this is about the Maersk Sealand. This -- to my eyes, it's a giant freighter -- pretty big cargo ship. It's the ship that's been hijacked by Somali pirates.

Now, we were told, right as the program began, that the ship's crew had regained control of the ship from the Somali pirates, while the Obama administration was in discussions about how to handle this.

We have a news update for you on this, ladies and gentlemen.

The ship's captain is still being held by the pirates. The crew apparently not under such tight control, but the ship's captain is still being held captive by the Somali pirates, which is OK. In fact, that's even cool. The ship's captain's a CEO. He's the leader. He's the boss. He deserves to be held captive by the pirates. The great unwashed, the crew members, are free. And that's the way it out to be. But that captain, it's good that he is still captive of the pirates, because he is a CEO.

Ladies' man

LIMBAUGH: You need men to fight wars, to be cops. You need men to carry hysterical women out of burning buildings -- just a joke, folks! It's more stereotypical humor. Just me being me, trying to get in a few laughs here. I think, well, men who don't -- who just -- who are not obsessed with discussing their feelings, they're always going to get grief for it.

Clips from this hour:

Limbaugh “You need men to carry hysterical women out of burning buildings -- just a joke, folks! It's more stereotypical humor”

Discussing his theories about smart meters, the government, and Google, Limbaugh denies that he's a kook engaging in “conspiracy theories”