This hour of the Limbaugh Wire brought to you by the Portuguese water torture dog
By Simon Maloy

Only one more hour to go and we've yet to start a riot here at our tea party, despite having beaned Griff Jenkins with a leather-bound edition of The Fountainhead. It's very dispiriting.

Anyway, Rush kicked off this final hour by claiming that MSNBC is flipping out over the tea parties, reporting that tea bags have been thrown over the White House fence. Rush said at least they were “real” tea bags unlike the fake medals John Kerry once threw. It's that sort of topical humor that makes The Rush Limbaugh Show so very fresh and entertaining every day. Then Rush returned to the UK Times reporting on the First Mutt, play-acting the realization that the Times was talking about Bo, and not the president. Rush said Bo is a “Portuguese water torture dog.”

Then Rush aired some sound bites from today's press briefing with White House press secretary Robert Gibbs, during which Gibbs said that Obama promised and delivered tax relief to the American people. Rush said that the tax cut averages to $13/week, which you can't even call a tax cut. Then he aired audio of a reporter asking about Obama's response to the DHS report, and Rush flipped out, because “it is Obama's DHS report. The DHS report calling every mainstream conservative a right-wing extremist is who Barack Obama is.”

After the break, Rush took a call from a woman excited that there is no parking available in her Illinois town because of the tea party, and that all the kids in town are attending the festivities instead of going to school. Rush said Obama won't be happy that the kids aren't in school because they need to be indoctrinated against this right-wing stuff. Rush then asked if there was any violence at her tea party, Molotov cocktails and such (there hadn't been any violence). Then Rush said the Obama people have to be “frightened” at all the young people attending the parties, because it was the youth that was supposed to be supporting him.

Then Rush took a call from a young Democrat who did not understand why all these people were protesting these policies, given that, in his estimation, they had benefited the middle class. Rush said no one is being helped, look at the continuing job losses. What's happening, said Rush, is that people are scared, trying to hold on to their liberty against an unprecedented expansion of the federal government. The Constitution is being chipped away, according to Rush, and being replaced with a federal government that is going to control as much of your life as possible.

Rush took a quick break and came back with the same caller, continuing to explain the tea party mentality to the young man: “What's happening is that the foundation of the country is the Constitution of the United States, which -- well, the Declaration, the founding document: 'We are all endowed by our creator with certain inalienable rights among them life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.' These people see the Obama administration as assaulting all three of those things -- life, liberty. People's freedom is being impinged upon.” After asking the caller if it was ever OK to “sacrifice for the government” like we're all doing on tax day (which Rush admitted was a “bit of a trick question”), Rush went into a lengthy boilerplate run down of why “big government” has always failed and how conservatives want everyone to succeed and not be dependent on the government. After the caller asked how these people are so angry after less than 90 days of the Obama administration, Rush said they're angry because if it's “this bad” after just 90 days, think what it will be like after four years.

Rush concluded his call with the young Democrat by appearing to predict another Great Depression: “You're 19, and you're -- if there's no stop to this, if it's not deterred, you are going to grow up and start working in an America unlike this country has seen since the '30s. And it's -- you -- the life that your grandparents or parents lived is going to be much, much tougher for you to achieve.”

After the final break, Rush read from a Telegraph article on a Guantánamo detainee who managed to call Al-Jazeera and claim that he has been beaten or gassed almost every day since Obama came into power. Rush touted this as an example of Obama's “change.”

Rush closed out the show with an animated caller from Indiana who was outraged that Obama said today that they passed tax relief for Americans. He said this can't be true, because he had been standing in front of the post office, and as people came out from filing their tax returns, they said there was absolutely no difference in their 1040s... Instead of explaining to the caller that the tax relief Obama passed this year does not apply to the taxes everyone paid last year when Obama was not president, Rush said he was glad the caller was outraged.

Well, our tea party is over and we completely failed to start a riot. Perhaps in my after-action report ,I'll recommend that spending millions on infiltrating conservative protests for the sole purpose of making them look foolish is not a wise use of ACORN's money, even if it did get $4 billion from the government. And our apologies to Griff Jenkins.

Please join us again tomorrow for another head-first dive into the shallow pool that is The Rush Limbaugh Show, and, as always, we ask that you please reacquaint yourself with Media Matters' voluminous Limbaugh archives.

Highlights from Hour 3

Outrageous comments

LIMBAUGH: UK Times online -- world agenda: “Nicolas Sarkozy puts Barack Obama in the doghouse.” That's the headline. The subhead: “Why the master of America's new First Mutt is no longer in good odour with President Sarkozy.” The “First Mutt”? The UK referring to our president as the “First Mutt”?

“France has been cooing along with everyone else over the arrival of Bo Obama,” it says here, “in the White House, but the master of America's new First Dog is no longer in good odour with President Sarkozy.” Oh, I get it. He's not calling Obama the mutt. He's talking about the new dog they got -- the Portuguese water torture dog given to them by Ted Kennedy.

[...]

LIMBAUGH: What's happening is that the foundation of the country is the Constitution of the United States, which -- well, the Declaration, the founding document: “We are all endowed by our creator with certain inalienable rights among them life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.”

These people see the Obama administration as assaulting all three of those things -- life, liberty. People's freedom is being impinged upon. When you impinge upon their economic activity, and you impinge upon their ability to produce and provide income for themselves and their family, you are infringing on freedom. And then, the pursuit of happiness -- there's not a whole lot of happiness in America today, have you noticed? No matter where you look?

[...]

LIMBAUGH: You're 19, and you're -- if there's no stop to this, if it's not deterred, you are going to grow up and start working in an America unlike this country has seen since the '30s. And it's -- you -- the life that your grandparents or parents lived is going to be much, much tougher for you to achieve.

America's Truth Rejector

Falsely claimed the DHS report calls “every mainstream conservative a right-wing extremist”:

LIMBAUGH: Does Obama know about the DHS report? Is Obama -- it is Obama's DHS report. The DHS report calling every mainstream conservative a right-wing extremist is who Barack Obama is.